Fictional Health Conditions

Disclaimer: This only lists medical conditions you’d find in fiction which most likely bear no resemblance to real life whatsoever. So don’t take any of it as medical advice. Presidential aging is the notable exception since that’s derived from how US presidents age in office but live to be 90 years old.

Fatal and Severe Illness:

Sorry, but people who die of a serious illness don't look like that at all. Seriously, Bette Davis should look like absolute hell by this time in the movie.

Sorry, but people who die of a serious illness don’t look like that at all. Seriously, Bette Davis should look like absolute hell by this time in the movie. But this is what Ali McGraw’s Disease looks like.

Ali McGraw’s Disease-illness which causes the sufferer to become more beautiful as death approaches. Mostly tends to infect attractive young women with boyfriends, particularly in historical settings.

Incurable Cough of Death-symptom that signifies that a character has what will lead to weakness and manifest itself as a terminal illness. This is especially the case in a lot tuberculosis sufferers in 19th century literature and opera. Also the case when the sufferer coughs up blood.

La Boheme Syndrome-a medical condition in which a character is able to do an incredibly good solo as they are wasting away from a fatal respiratory illness.

Victorian Novel Disease-basically this pertains to a combination of Incurable Cough of Death and Ali McGraw’s Disease. Yet, while it’s terminal, it has no effect on the character’s beauty or their ability to perform. Still, while this illness slowly kills its sufferers, their proximity to the eternal will give them immense wisdom and insight and be never ending sources of advice and comfort to their loved ones. And when they finally slip away, those around them will smile through their tears and rejoice that their souls are now free from this shitty world. Mostly tends to inflict young women and teenage girls known to be always innocent and pure. This is especially the case for such women who have boyfriends or reside in 19th century literature or opera.

Soap Opera Disease-a vaguely defined chronic disease. Often exhibits vague symptoms as well as fatal, but can linger on for a very long time. Sometimes results in a lengthy coma and perhaps a radical change in the victim’s appearance in non-fatal variants. Yet, in most fatal cases, often manifests itself as Ali McGraw’s Disease in the later stages. Often infects characters in daytime soap operas, particularly women.

Childhood Cancer Syndrome-a symptom that makes a severely ill child’s sole existence in the story to tug at the audience’s heartstrings. Often immune to anything other than the disease that will eventually kill them (unless the writer wants to punch the audience’s guts). Sufferers often tend to be wise beyond their years as well as make athletes swear to win a game or match for them, never taking to mind the negative repercussions if they fail to do this. Mostly tends to manifest in children who haven’t hit puberty yet.

Tiny Tim Syndrome-a symptom similar to Childhood Cancer Syndrome in which a chronically ill child’s chief purpose is to inspire some rich jerk into changing his ways so the kid could receive the medical treatment their parents can’t afford.
Dramatic Heart Attack-a medical condition in which a character experiences a heart attack in a display of chest clutching dramatics.

Blood from the Mouth – a symptom is indicative that a character is bleeding internally and is either going to die or need serious medical attention.

Excessive Ortifice Bleeding – a medical condition in which a person has blood coming out from every ortifice all because the writers want a very gory death scene. Usually happens in horror movies and is almost always fatal. Sometimes caused by a psychic or supernatural force.

Convulsive Epilepsy – a medical condition in which a character has a seizure in which he or she loses complete control of their body. Symptoms include flailing arms, writhing on the ground or frothing at the mouth.

Retirony – a medical condition which a person’s odds of survival decline once he or she decides to leave their job or it becomes apparent their term of service will soon end.

Brain Fever – a sudden acute febrile illness brought on by stress or personal issues that results in severe attacks of insanity hallucinations, and delirium. Is sometimes fatal.

Big Guy Fatality Syndrome – a medical condition in which the biggest, strongest, and most massive sidekick is less likely to survive when the shit hits the fan.

Vasquez Syndrome – a medical condition in which a female’s increase in toughness and aggression decreases her odds of survival. Befalls secondary female characters who look too butch to be love interests to the hero, especially if they’re not white. Characters played by Michelle Rodriguez are particular targets.

Sudden Sweetheart Photo Death Syndrome– a medical condition in which a person’s chances dying dramatically increase the moment he or she shows a picture of his or her sweetheart back home. Most prominent in soldiers from WWII movies.

Black Guy Fatality Syndrome – a medical condition which decreases a black guy’s chances of survival if he’s the only black male in the group. Can only be prevented if he brings a male black friend. Most prominent in black males in slasher horror movies.

Plagues:

Remember, when the zombie plague hits, this infographic will come in handy. Seriously, the threat of zombie apocalypse is very real in the world of fiction, particularly science fiction.

Remember, when the zombie plague hits, this infographic will come in handy. Seriously, the threat of zombie apocalypse is very real in the world of fiction, particularly science fiction.

Sterility Plague- an incurable disease that infects a large population that renders practically all males and females of child bearing age, unable to reproduce (either inflicting infertility, impotence, or aversion to sex). Usually caused by biological warfare though can arise naturally. Most often appears in science fiction.

Hate Plague-an ailment infecting a large population that causes them to become incredibly disagreeable with each other. Sometimes has a tendency to lead to victims inflicting violence or killing each other. Usually inflicted by mysterious forces or bad guys.

Mystical Plague-a disease outbreak brought upon through the magical powers of a person, group, or creature, whether by accident or design. However, this doesn’t mean that its agents are always immune. Mostly prevalent in fantasy.

Synthetic Plague-a disease inflicted on a large population that was created by humans whether by manufacture or genetic engineering. Can originate by design as a biological weapon or an experiment gone wrong. Usually deadly and might result in people becoming zombies. Usually appears in science fiction post-apocalyptic genre and zombie media.

Radiation Plague-a type of Synthetic Plague that usually infects survivors of a nuclear explosion or meltdown. Usually leads to zombification.

Zombie Plague-plague that usually leads to zombification. Usually caused by a Synthetic Plague.

Bodily Functions:

Wiley E. Coyote may never get the Roadrunner, but he tends to be quite indestructible compared to the rest of us. Seriously, look at how much crap he has to go through with all his schemes literally blowing in his face.

Wiley E. Coyote may never get the Roadrunner, but he tends to be quite indestructible compared to the rest of us. Seriously, look at how much crap he has to go through with all his schemes literally blowing in his face.

Steel Eardrum- a medical condition in which the character doesn’t suffer hearing damage while in extremely noisy environments without any hearing protection. Most prevalent in war movies and action films.

Water Immunity-a medical condition which allows a character to drink water from any source regardless of whether it’s actually safe to drink.

Heat Resistant Skin-a medical condition in which a character is able to survive in excessively hot temperatures and settings such as a house being engulfed in catastrophic flames.

Explosive-Proof – a medical condition in which a character is able to survive an explosion in close proximity with nothing more than a blackened face, cough puff, or possibly singed eyebrows.

Smoke Filtering Lungs-a medical condition in which a character is able to inhale large amounts of smoke for long periods of time without suffering severe respiratory damage like lung cancer or death.

Large Bowel Syndrome- a medical condition in which a character doesn’t have to go to the bathroom and doesn’t show any signs of constipation, UTI, or IBS.

Strong SCUBA Lungs- a medical condition that allows the character to hold their breath underwater for more than a minute without any assistance from scuba gear.

Electric-Resistance – a medical condition in which a character survives being electrocuted with nothing more than falling over, soot, smoke, and messy hair, even if such episode makes his or her skeleton becomes visible through his or her skin. Happens a lot in cartoons.

Walter White Syndrome- a medical condition that in which a cancer stricken character loses their hair on their head while undergoing chemotherapy treatment, yet retains the rest of their body hair.

Tears of Blood – a medical condition in which a person cries bloody tears which might mean that they caught some deadly virus, are being killed by weird supernatural means, a vampire, or overcome with grief over a lost loved one.

Elastic Skeleton – a medical condition in which a person is able to have their bodies and limbs tied into knots.

Frozen Resistance– a medical condition in which a person can survive being frozen with no ill effects for a very long time other than being in hibernation before thawing out.

Encino Man Syndrome – a medical condition in which a person can survive freezing for years without suffering ill effects other than being in hibernation prior to thawing or signs of age without any explanation whatsoever.

Angst Coma – a condition in which a person falls into a coma or catatonic state due to personal issues. Can only be cured if they’re resolved.

Substances:

Acquiring an immunity to poison can come in handy in situations like this. In real life, trying to acquire an immunity to poison will certainly kill you.

Acquiring an immunity to poison can come in handy in situations like this. In real life, trying to acquire an immunity to poison will certainly kill you.

Acquired Poison Immunity-a medical condition in which a character becomes immune to a particular poison by regularly ingesting it in small doses over a period of time.

Unexplainable Poison Immunity –a medical condition in which a character can suck out the poison from his or her companion without experiencing ill effects.

Drug Immunity-a medical condition in which a character is immune to the effects of a certain substance.

Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome-a medical condition in which a person ingests certain substances to change personalities at will so they could engage in activities they’d otherwise be arrested for. Yet, will eventually result in the person losing control as the Hyde personality takes over.

Laxative Immunity-a medical condition in which a character only experiences loose bowels after being subject to a laxative prank (or pertaining to other related substances).

Prescribed Cold Turkey Syndrome-a medical condition in which going off prescribed medication doesn’t result in anything worse than a hungover like withdraw or a grudging admittance that the medication helped.

Fertility and Sex:

Of Laban's two daughters, Rachel will be Jacob's one true love and favorite wife he worked 14 years for. Leah, on the other hand, will be basically the unwanted wife Jacob was tricked into marrying but kept around because she has at least 7 kids to him while Rachel has 2. Poor, poor, Leah.

Of Laban’s two daughters, Rachel will be Jacob’s one true love and favorite wife he worked 14 years for. Leah, on the other hand, will be basically the unwanted wife Jacob was tricked into marrying but kept around because she has at least 7 kids to him while Rachel has 2. Poor, poor, Leah.

Inverse Fertility Syndrome-a medical condition in which a character’s desire for a biological child will drastically inhibit his or her ability to conceive one. Yet, it also increases the likelihood of characters in characters who don’t want kids, even if they’re diagnosed as sterile, using birth control, had a vasectomy, or are virgins. Can only be cured through in vitro fertilization, magic, possibly giving up trying or warming up to parenting, adoption, or divine intervention. Usually results in teen pregnancy whenever a teenage couple have sex, even the first time.

STD Immunity-a medical condition in which a character has a large number of sexual partner yet never shows any symptoms of any STDs. Mostly prevalent in action movies, fantasy, and science fiction. Usually present in male action heroes, particularly those with their own franchise.

Leah Syndrome-medical condition in which a character’s past or unwanted sexual partner is most likely the co-parent of their child. Usually affects reluctant polygamists, guys who want to get rid of their exes, women in abusive marriages, promiscuous single moms, and divorcees.

Inverse Paternity Syndrome-a condition in which somebody’s father is the guy everyone else in the cast doesn’t want him to be. A variant of Leah Syndrome solely pertaining to unknown paternity.

Downton Abbey Syndrome-a condition in which one party responsible for a child’s conception suddenly and tragically dies around its birth. Most of the time it’s the father, especially if the child was conceived when its parents weren’t married and/or in wartime. Ditto, if he kills over during the pregnancy. If it’s the mother, she’ll usually die in childbirth. Nevertheless, this usually befalls parents who haven’t conceived previously.

Sudden Unmarried Dad Death Syndrome – a condition in which an unmarried father or father to be tragically dies either during his baby mama’s pregnancy or around the child’s birth, just so the guy isn’t made to seem like a deadbeat jerk and the single mom can have an angsty out of wedlock pregnancy that might lead to her having give up her kid at some point. A variant of Downton Abbey Syndrome that usually happens in stories where the single mom is the main character. Can only be prevented through a shotgun wedding.

Tom Jones Syndrome-condition in which the child’s parental revelation improves his or her fortunes drastically.

Disney Mother Death Syndrome-a condition in which a main character’s parent dies sometime during their childhood, particularly before the plot kicks in. Usually happens to the mother, especially if the protagonist is female.

Elastic Uterus- a condition in which a pregnant woman can deliver an abnormally large newborn baby fairly easily within minutes after the contractions start.

Squeakly Clean Childbirth- a condition in which a pregnant woman delivers a baby without much disgusting stuff coming from her vagina.

Quick Childbirth Recovery – a condition in which a woman can return to her duties right after done giving birth in a short amount of time.

Constant Ovulation Syndrome- a condition in which a woman doesn’t go through her monthly menstruation period and gets pregnant after having sex. Very common in teenagers.

Wedding Enhanced Fertility- a condition in which a woman unexpectedly becomes pregnant around the time she marries or is engaged to the child’s father. Usually leads to a happy, nice, and non-angsty pregnancy.

Star Trek Genetics – a medical condition in which an inter-species couple can have sex and produce fertile offspring regardless of configurations pertaining to their reproductive systems.

Melanie Wilkes Pregnancy– a medical condition in which a woman’s pregnancy lasts longer than it should, particularly if the author wants her to have a Catastrophe-Induced Labor in her American Civil War novel.

Express Delivery- a medical condition in which a woman gives birth to a healthy baby despite being pregnant for less than 8-9 months. Babies born this way usually resemble those born at full term and require no medical assistance associated with most premature deliveries. May give an indication that the child is devil spawn, monster, an alien hybrid, fantasy/humanoid hybrid, or mutant.

Fetus Terrible – a medical condition in which a pregnant woman suffers from complications caused by the fetus wreaking havoc inside her body. Related to Satanic Pregnancy Syndrome. Mostly results in Express Delivery, but May cause harm to the mother in which Caesarian delivery is best recommended (since most usually develop too quickly for abortion to be an option).

Convenient Miscarriage – a medical condition in which a woman miscarries a baby either to have highly tragic situation or because the writers really don’t want to deal with the implications of having to create a new character or cast child actors. Usually happens to women who aren’t happy about their pregnancies.

Hunger Games Period Skip– a medical condition in which a girl or woman of childbearing age fails to menstruate due to being a contestant in a fight to the death competition on national television.

Pre-Menstrual Syndrome (PMS) – medical condition in which a girl or woman of childbearing age goes into near psychotic anger or dramatic mood swings before or during her time of the month.

Menstrual Menace – a medical condition in which a girl or woman of childbearing age experiences supernatural menace during her time of the month. Side effects can result in great power and great insanity, fairy magnetism, and reality warping.

Menstrual Lycanthropy – a medical condition in which a girl or woman of childbearing age transforms into a werewolf during her menstrual cycle.

Satanic Pregnancy Syndrome (SPS) – a medical condition in which a pregnant woman suffers from complications caused by the fetus wreaking havoc inside her body because she was unwittingly impregnated by Satan and is carrying the Antichrist. May result in Express Delivery. A variant of Fetus Terrible. Abortion is best recommended in the early stages, assuming that Prince of Darkness paternity can be established and if there’s no doubt the fetus has no capacity to change (the latter which is much more problematic to prove except in horror movies where Satanic spawn usually try to bring upon the end of the world, no matter what). But even this might not be an option in most cases.

Village of the Damned Syndrome- a condition in which all women of child bearing age are impregnated by mysterious forces and give birth to fast growing, evil psychic blond children.

Chocolate Baby Syndrome- condition in which a child doesn’t at all resemble either of their parents and either glaringly obvious or acknowledged in the story. However, this doesn’t apply to children conceived through in-vitro fertilization via a sperm or egg bank. Nor does to children who are adopted either. Usually pertains to that the child’s putative father isn’t.

Not So Chocolate Baby Syndrome- condition in which a child doesn’t resemble either of their parents yet is still seen as biologically related.

Catastrophe-Induced Labor- condition in which a pregnant woman goes into labor at the worst possible moment.

Injuries:

Some people just don't know when to give up. Seriously, the Black Knight should really let King Arthur pass because he's just cut his bleeding arm off!

Some people just don’t know when to give up. Seriously, the Black Knight should really let King Arthur pass because he’s just cut his bleeding arm off!

Minor Gunshot Wound Syndrome-a medical condition in which a character’s severe injury doesn’t inhibit their ability to function.

Instant Roast – a medical condition that instantly turns a character into a succulent main course after experiencing an explosion or fire.

Hero Immunity- a medical condition in which a character can completely recover from his or her injuries without ever experiencing permanent scars all because they are the designated hero of the story.

Titanium Skull-a medical condition in which a character suffers nothing worse than a headache or dizzy spell after dealing with a blow to a head that rendered them involuntarily unconscious.

Matthew Crawley Syndrome-a medical condition in which character recovers after being paralyzed by a spinal injury in a very short length of time.

Black Knight Syndrome-a medical condition in which a character thinks their severe injury doesn’t affect their ability to function despite obvious evidence to the contrary.

Accordionism- a medical condition in which a person is squashed into a pleated and flexing shape after being crushed by a large object. Occurs a lot in cartoons.

Instant Soprano – a medical condition in which a man’s voice gets dramatically high after experiencing castration or a groin injury. May be temporary or permanent.

Annoying Arrow Syndrome-a medical condition in which being shot by an arrow doesn’t cause the victim anything more than a slight discomfort upon removal but they could still be functional if left unattended.

Recoil Proof-a medical condition in which the shooter is immune from the repercussions of Newton’s Third Law.

Pincushion Syndrome-a medical condition in which the character is heavily shot up but is still able to normally function. May or may not result in death.

Squashed Flatism-a medical condition in which a character is squashed flat but still survives as a flatter version of themselves. Prevalent in cartoons.

Protruding Head Bump – a medical condition in which a large swelling appears on a character’s head that develops after a blow to the head. Disturbance is best not recommended and may cause multiple protrusions as a result.

Head Injury Amnesia-in which a character experiences amnesia due to a head injury. Can be cured by being hit on the head again or regaining their memories through psychiatric intervention.

Head Injury Personality Change-in which a character’s personality and identity change drastically after experiencing a head injury. Can only be cured by being hit on the head again.

Drowning Scream Syndrome-a medical condition in which a drowning character still has the adequate lung capacity to call for help.

Invisible Holes – a medical condition in which a character is wounded with no ill effects except liquid pouring out of their skin. Happens a lot in cartoons.

Extra Fat Cushioning- a medical condition in which enables to character to jump into any soft spot without being subject to injury.

Fall Proof-a medical condition in which a character doesn’t die from the fall unless they hit the ground.

Debris Dodging Speed-a medical condition which allows the character outrun explosions, fireballs, overpressure, ammo, and debris.

Psychic Nosebleed – a medical condition in which someone experiences blood coming out of certain parts of their body as a result of psychic effort.

Disability:

Charly may become smart later on in this but it won't last. And let's just say Algernon's fate is very indicative of what will happen to him. And what gets me is that Cliff Robertson won this Oscar over the great Peter O'Toole.

Charly may become smart later on in this but it won’t last. And let’s just say Algernon’s fate is very indicative of what will happen to him. And what gets me is that Cliff Robertson won this Oscar over the great Peter O’Toole.

Disability Superpower-a medical condition in which a disabled character has a superpower that counteracts with their disability.

Inspirationally Disadvantaged-a medical condition that makes a disabled character an inspiration for everyone else. May lead to people marveling at them by performing even the more mundane tasks.

Disability Recovery- a medical condition in which a character who’s been disabled for an extended amount of time suddenly regains the ability to use their disabled organ again. Can either be done by sheer will power, miracles, or medical treatment.

Flowers for Algernon Syndrome –a medical condition in which a mentally challenged person experiences a rapid rise in IQ for a certain amount of time before returning to normal and dying.

Tragic Autism – a learning disorder that impairs a person’s social skills and prevents them from living a normal life. Can range from Idiot Savants and Rain Men to literal minded insufferable geniuses.

Rain Man Syndrome – a form of Autism that gives the sufferer a Disability Superpower.

Idiot Savant – a medical condition in which a person is mentally challenged except in a certain ability.

Compulsive Swearing Tourette’s Syndrome –a disorder in which a person is subject to frequent fits of compulsive swearing. Happens in comedies.

Scrambled Dyslexia –a disorder which causes a person reading difficulties because they see every word scrambled.

Super Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – a disorder which causes a person to be obsessed with order, symmetry, and following patterns of behavior.

Characteristics:

Sorry, Dan Brown, but real albinos just don't make effective assassins. Seriously, poor vision is a main aspect of the diagnostic criteria for albinism since many albinos don't have normal development in the retina or in nerve connections between the eyes and brain. As a result, many are legally blind.

Sorry, Dan Brown, but real albinos just don’t make effective assassins. Seriously, poor vision is a main aspect of the diagnostic criteria for albinism since many albinos don’t have normal development in the retina or in nerve connections between the eyes and brain. As a result, many are legally blind.

Bad AB- Blood Syndrome- a medical condition in which two people who hate each other share a rare blood type and everyone else in their world doesn’t. Yet, it’s unknown to most of the cast that the injured person could receive blood with the same Rh from anybody.

Bad O Blood Syndrome- a medical condition in which the two people who hate each other share a common blood type but the injured person can’t receive blood from anyone else. Mostly because the majority of the cast doesn’t know their own.

Missing Belly Button Syndrome- a condition in which a person has no belly button.

DaVinci Code Albinism – a condition in which a character’s albinism doesn’t harm his or her eyesight.

Chuck Cunningham Syndrome – a condition in which a character disappears without explanation.

Fantasy Health:

Sure Harry's a wizard all right. But he's able to talk to snakes because he has a part of a soul from the evil guy who killed his parents who split his soul in his quest for eternal life. Of course, Harry ability to talk to snakes has some unfortunate implications in the Chamber of Secrets.

Sure Harry’s a wizard all right. But he’s able to talk to snakes because he has a part of a soul from the evil guy who killed his parents who split his soul in his quest for eternal life. Of course, Harry ability to talk to snakes has some unfortunate implications in the Chamber of Secrets.

Resurrection Sickness-a medical condition in which a character isn’t quite the same as their pre-mortem selves after coming back from the dead.

Magical Malfunction Malady-a medical condition in which a magically powered person’s ailment affects their ability to perform magic. Mostly appears in fantasy. May be caused by illness, curse, puberty, or pregnancy. Can result in the sufferer losing their powers or the ability to control them. Usually there is no easy cure so the sufferer either has to wait it out or summon his allies to go on a quest for some strange cure, which usually entails getting some rare or mysterious item in some very remote location.

Demon Possession-a medical condition in which a character’s personality changes and not for the better due to being possessed by a demon. Must be cured by an exorcist.

Voldemort Syndrome-a medical condition in which a character’s quest for eternal life causes them grow ugly and evil.

Gollum Syndrome-a medical condition in which a character’s unhealthy attachment to a magical object causes them to grow ugly and evil.

Horcrux Syndrome- a condition in which a person possesses part of another’s soul and gains that particular person’s abilities.

Peter Pan’s Shadow -a condition in which a character’s shadow takes on a life and personality of its own. Has to be found and sewn back on.

Dark Lord on Life Support – a condition in which a dark magical character is not quite dead but is able to survive due to some magical contraption.

Marvolo Ring Syndrome – a condition results in a magical character’s slow and painful death after touching a dark magical object.

Magical Coma –a condition in which a character is put into a deep sleep for a very long time under some magical force but can only be awoken through sexual assault or something else.

Body Switching – a condition in which a character finds him or herself in another person’s body. Can only be cured when the relationship with the other person is resolved.

Children:

Sure Pearl is a creepy girl all right, but c'mon, there's nothing in the book to suggest that she's bad. I mean she doesn't kill anyone.

Sure Pearl is a creepy girl all right, but c’mon, there’s nothing in the book to suggest that she’s bad. I mean she doesn’t kill anyone. She’s just so misunderstood in 17th century Massachusetts.

Soap Opera Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SOSIDS) – a medical condition in which a baby dies soon after its birth very tragically despite being conceived and carried under optimal conditions and delivered as a healthy baby (if not stillborn). Causes of death can pertain to car accidents and premature labor. Only happens to children of soap opera couples in happy relationships in which the mother is happy about the pregnancy.

Soap Opera Adversity Survival Syndrome (SOASS) – a medical condition in which a baby survives its birth despite being conceived and carried under dicey circumstances such as an affair. Born to women who’ve spent their pregnancies contemplating certain options (like abortion and adoption) and spent months wailing and angsting about the turmoil pertaining to the birth. Children may be subject to Inverse Paternity Syndrome and SORAS, since this happens mostly in soap operas.

Neville Longbottom Puberty – a medical condition in which an awkward looking kid experiences a remarkable transformation during his or her adolescence that signify his or her growth and change as a character.

Pearl Prynne Syndrome -a medical condition in children in which the child looks creepy and says really creepy things but has no indication they pose a danger to anybody.

Damien Syndrome – a medical condition in children resulting from a SPS which renders them completely evil and homicidal.

Hellboy Syndrome – a medical condition in children resulting from a SPS, which results in them having a perfectly normal personality, though appearances may vary.

Premature Male Puberty – a medical condition in which an adolescent boy has the body of an adult man between the ages of 20 to 30 years old. Happens in a lot of teen centered media due to casting adult actors in teen roles.

Adolescent Height Stunting – a medical condition that results in an adolescent character being shorter than both his or her parents as well as other adults, regardless of whether it makes any sense.

South Park Syndrome – a medical condition in which a child is disproportionally short for their age and is never implied to suffer from dwarfism or part of an unusually small humanoid race. Prevalent in cartoon children between the ages of 4-12.

Renesmee Syndrome – a medical condition in which a child manages to grow up in a very short timespan.

Sudden Firstborn Son Death Syndrome – a medical condition in which the oldest male child in the family dies because his parents were being jerks. Takes some form of divine punishment, especially after a series of plagues.

Aging:

This must be the scene in Hamlet when he's telling Ophelia to "get thee to a nunnery." Oh, wait a minute he's yelling at his mom Gertrude. Seriously, she looks way too young to be his mom. And he looks way too old to be going to college.

This must be the scene in Hamlet when he’s telling Ophelia to “get thee to a nunnery.” Oh, wait a minute he’s yelling at his mom Gertrude. Seriously, she looks way too young to be his mom. And he looks way too old to be going to college.

Cartoon Child Syndrome – a condition in which a child remains at the same age for a very long time for no explanation since it’s much easier for the animator in question and that the voice actor is an adult anyway.

Peter Pan Syndrome – a condition in which a child remains at the same age for a very long time. Yet, unlike Cartoon Child Syndrome, it’s explained in story

Pre-Natal Maturity – a condition in which a person begins life as an adult.

Benjamin Button Syndrome-a condition in which a person begins life as an old person and dies as a baby.

Shakespearean Rapid Aging Syndrome (SRAS)- a medical condition in which a teenager or young adult has the body of a someone who’s at least 30 years old. Endemic in Shakespearean drama, especially in productions of Richard III, Romeo and Juliet, or Hamlet. Happens in a lot movies, theatrical, and TV productions set in historical times, in which the actors are considerably older than their characters should be. Most prevalent in males.

Agora Syndrome – a condition in which a person appears considerably younger and more attractive than they should be. Happens in a lot of historical adaptations but is less common than SRAS.

13 Going on 30 Syndrome – a condition in which a person ages for several years in the span of a night.

17 Again Syndrome -a condition in which a person’s aging is reversed several years in the span of a night.

Esther Coleman Syndrome – a disorder in which a person stops growing and aging as a child.

Methuselah Syndrome-a condition in which a person lives way past the average human lifespan.

Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome (SORAS)- a condition in which a child spends a short amount of time offstage, only to emerge as considerably older than any normal kid would be. Prevalent in movie series and TV shows, especially soap operas. Yet, on sitcoms, babies only age up after only a few years.

Immortal Aging Syndrome-a condition in which a character’s immortality doesn’t stop them from aging.

Immortal Adult Stasis- a condition in which an immortal character comes of age and remains that way forever. That or granted immortality at that age.

Abnormal Infantile Memory Syndrome- a condition in which a child could remember a lot of stuff before the age of 3 other than stuff that’s either very traumatic or significant in their lives like the birth of a sibling for instance.

Sudden Grandparent Death Syndrome- a condition in which a child’s grandparents die sometime before the plot gets in so they can have a terrible living arrangement as an orphan, even when such demises make absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Harry Potter’s Grandparents Death Syndrome- a variant as SGDS in which a child’s grandparent die sometime before the plot kicks in when such a natural death doesn’t make absolutely no sense in its fictional universe.

Stress Induced Premature Aging – a condition in which a character ages considerably quickly due to excessive stress. A common symptom is hair going gray or white. May be caused by dealing with a severe illness, adverse conditions, or after having to make a difficult decision.

Gillian Darmondy Syndrome – a condition in which a character seems unbelievably young to parent his or her biological child, but in a way that makes perfect sense such as teen pregnancy, alien biology, being unusually attractive, paranormal activity, divinity, or anything to do with magic or futuristic technology.

Gertrude Syndrome- a condition in which a character seems unbelievably young to parent his or her biological child but where it makes absolutely no sense. May be caused by the author’s inability to comprehend biology or basic mathematics or casting an actor noticeably younger than the character should be. Perhaps even younger than the person playing his or her biological child.

Anime Shrinkage – a condition in which an elderly character’s height shrinks at an accelerated rate in a short amount of time than it should.

Dorian Gray Syndrome -a condition in which a character never ages but with a dark magical catch. May result in the sufferer losing his or her soul.

Presidential Aging – a condition in which a character’s rapid aging has no effect on their lifespans.

Psychological Conditions:

Dexter Morgan: I'm not sure if modern psychology would classify as a psychopath or just a homicidal maniac with PTSD. Still, since it's TV, he's a psychopath.

Dexter Morgan: I’m not sure if modern psychology would classify as a psychopath or just a homicidal maniac with childhood induced PTSD. I mean he does have people he sincerely loves in his life. Still, since it’s TV and he likes to kill people, he’s a psychopath. But he has a code on who he kills. Very difficult to classify. However, many of his victims tend to fit in the psychopathic mindset much better than he does.

Gold Fever-a condition which results the intensity of a character’s insatiable greed and propensity for violence is inverse to their sanity and self-control.

Jack Torrance Syndrome-a variant kind of Cabin Fever that causes raving lunacy and homicidal tendencies.

Napoleon Delusion-a psychological condition in which a sufferer thinks they’re a famous dead celebrity. Those who suffer from this may or may not be a danger to other people.

Vertigo Syndrome-a psychological condition in which the sufferer makes their significant other drastically alter their appearance in order to resemble a dead person the afflicted has been obsessed about but hasn’t even met.

Laura Syndrome-a psychological condition in which the sufferer falls in love with a person reputed to be dead who may not be.

Oedipus Complex -a psychological condition in which a person hates one parent and has a secret wish to sleep with the other. Sometimes the sufferer might not even realize it.

Multiple Personality Crisis Disorder- a psychological condition in which a serious personal issue causes a person to have multiple personalities yet, disappear once they get their lives back together again. Yet, it won’t always be the same personality they started out with.

Three Faces of Eve Disorder-a variant of MSCD in which the person recovers from having multiple personalities with a totally different identity and personality than they started out with.

Richard Harrow Syndrome- a psychological condition in which a character’s desensitization from violence and capability of racking up huge body counts doesn’t prevent them from being a perfectly decent person otherwise and possible the nicest one in the whole cast.

Norma Desmond Disorder- a psychological disorder in which a character is running a whole era behind and still thinks they could make a comeback despite that ship sailing.

Manchurian Candidate Syndrome- a psychological condition in which a character is brainwashed into being an assassin.

Alfred Hitchcock Syndrome- a psychological condition in which a character seems to develop a strange rabid interest in murder mysteries that lead to violence or not.

Cassandra Syndrome- a psychological condition in which a character always tells the truth but nobody believes them.

Adoption Denial Syndrome- a psychological condition in which a character doesn’t know they’re adopted even though they should’ve obviously figured it out by now.

Paternal Denialist Syndrome- a psychological condition in which a male character thinks that he’s a child’s biological father despite obvious evidence to the contrary.

Post-Traumatic Amnesia – a psychological condition in which a person loses all prior memories or sense of identity after witnessing a traumatic incident.

Science-Related Memetic Disorder – a psychological disorder in which a character uses their sociopathic tendencies to conduct scientific research or experiments. May lead to beyond horrific results for victims.

Destructive Insanity – a psychological condition in which a person isn’t in touch with reality as well as a poses a hazard to themselves and others. Can be caused by anything, notably a terrible childhood or a traumatic moment. Symptoms include violent outbursts, an insatiable urge to kill people or self-harm, creepiness, unstoppable rage, or substance abuse. Sometimes hearing voices in the head, hallucinations, talking to puppets, etc.

Trauma Sociopathy – a psychological condition in which a person becomes a psychopath after experiencing a brain injury in a traumatic incident during childhood.

Pyromania- a mental disorder in which a person loves to start fires, watch them, and see the people burned in them. Are always arsonists and serial killers.

Harmless Insanity – a mental disorder in which the sufferer causes no harm whatsoever while his or her psychological symptoms are used for comedy.

Single Issue Psychology – a psychological condition in which a person’s psychological problems are due to one major thing pertaining to their lives.

Psychopathy – a psychological condition in which a person may seem rather charming and outgoing but devoid of any empathy, shame, humility, or sense of responsibility. Doesn’t care what is right or wrong, is manipulative, engages in hedonistic behavior, and could possibly be a psycho killer, a Wall Street executive, or both. Sufferers are thoroughly irredeemable.

Post Traumatic Stress Badass Disorder – a psychological condition in which a character’s traumatic experience in war makes him or her exceptionally capable of handing any dangerous situation.

Mother’s Day Gifts Your Mom Doesn’t Want

Me and my mom at Saint Vincent during my feshman orientation in August of 2008.

Me and my mom at Saint Vincent College during my freshman orientation in August of 2008.

I know this is a little early but since Mother’s Day is on the second Sunday in May, it wouldn’t hurt for you to think about what to give your mother, assuming that she’s still alive and you’re on good terms with her. Of course, it wouldn’t hurt to think about buying something for the mother of your kids, too. For many people, their mothers are usually the primary parents of their lives for a variety of reasons such as a 9 month gestation period, traditional gender roles, and how mothers usually tend to have child custody in a divorce case. But while bad mothers have existed, we have celebrated motherhood throughout the ages as well as great mothers. Still, if there is an argument for equal pay for women, paid maternity leave, universal healthcare, unionism, affordable childcare, or other social action in the US it’s because millions of American working moms provide for their families every day and the best this government can do is give them the support and respect they deserve. Besides, you won’t just find mothers doing housework but also working out in the world at almost every rung of the economic ladder. So it was basically a no brainer for some woman to come up with Mother’s Day, which she later regretted since it became conveniently engulfed with commercialism. Now I can go on and on about great Mother’s Day gift ideas like flowers, chocolates, or a new hat, but I think you’d find it boring and won’t read my post. Instead, I’ll focus on products that would make any mother gasp in horror. Now I’m not talking about the conventional homemade coupons but perhaps some of the more unusual. So without further adieu, here the many gifts that won’t please your mother. Some of these may not be safe for work by the way.

1. Waistband Stretcher

Sure it might make her feel comfortable in her jeans. But do you really want to ruin her self-image? Seriously, it's like telling your mother, "You're fat" as she uncovers the gift wrapping.

Sure it might make her feel comfortable in her jeans. But do you really want to ruin her self-image? Seriously, it’s like telling your mother, “You’re fat” as she uncovers the gift wrapping.

2.  Botox Gift Certificate

Because there's no better way to tell your mom she's seen better days and that crow's feet aren't a sign of graceful aging and wisdom. The kind of gift that would make any Wicked Queen want to kill Snow White.

Because there’s no better way to tell your mom she’s seen better days and that crow’s feet aren’t a sign of graceful aging and wisdom. The kind of gift that would make any Wicked Queen want to kill Snow White.

3. Happy Man Bottle Stopper

Oh, my God, since when does this make an appropriate Mother's Day gift? Seems more like the kind of present you'd want to give your college frat boy brother.

Oh, my God, since when does this make an appropriate Mother’s Day gift? Seems more like the kind of present you’d want to give your college frat boy brother.

4. Broom and Dustpan Slippers

Okay, this is actually pretty awesome. But does it make an appropriate Mother's Day gift? Sure it's a pain to have to duck down and clean up with a real broom and dustpan. But do you really want your mother's feet to look that ridiculous?

Okay, this is actually pretty awesome. But does it make an appropriate Mother’s Day gift? Sure it’s a pain to have to duck down and clean up with a real broom and dustpan. But do you really want your mother’s feet to look that ridiculous?

5. The Cuchini

This is something for women to put in their underwear if they have camel toe. Seriously, this is a terrible gift for any woman, let alone a mom. I mean just give her clothes that are looser around the crotch.

This is something for women to put in their underwear if they have camel toe. Seriously, this is a terrible gift for any woman, let alone a mom. I mean just give her clothes that are looser around the crotch.

6. Carpet Slippers

You might want the carpet to match the drapes. However, I'm not sure if you want your flip flops match the rug or be made from the rug. Might be quite convenient if you need to fetch the mail or take the dog out.

You might want the carpet to match the drapes. However, I’m not sure if you want your flip flops match the rug or be made from the rug. Might be quite convenient if you need to fetch the mail or take the dog out.

7. Chinchilla Apron

Yes, it's fake. But just because it's an apron, doesn't mean it belongs in the kitchen or anywhere else. Seriously, we're not in the Stone Age.

Yes, it’s fake. But just because it’s an apron, doesn’t mean it belongs in the kitchen or anywhere else. Seriously, we’re not in the Stone Age.

8. Assorted Chocolate Crocheted Satchels

I suppose this is the best way to tell Mom, "Hey Mom, I know you love to eat chocolate, but maybe you should just look at it instead. Oh, but don’t worry, it smells like the real thing! Enjoy!" Word of advice, spend your $25 on something she'd actually want like real chocolate.

I suppose this is the best way to tell Mom, “Hey Mom, I know you love to eat chocolate, but maybe you should just look at it instead. Oh, but don’t worry, it smells like the real thing! Enjoy!” Word of advice, spend your $25 on something she’d actually want like real chocolate!

9. Roach Slippers

For one, my house doesn't get roaches so my mother wouldn't use it anyway. Second, wouldn't it be better to save Mom the trouble by just hiring an exterminator? Seriously, why?

For one, my house doesn’t get roaches so my mother wouldn’t use it anyway. Second, wouldn’t it be better to save Mom the trouble by just hiring an exterminator? Seriously, why?

10. Emergency Bra

Is your town polluted as hell? Are you living in a combat zone? Do you think buying your mother bra is appropriate for Mother's Day? If no, then why the hell buy one? Also, if yes, to third question and a man, you might need to see a psychiatrist.

Ask yourself these questions: Is your town polluted as hell? Are you living in a combat zone? Do you think buying your mother bra is appropriate for Mother’s Day? If no, then why the hell buy one? Also, if yes, to third question and a man, you might need to see a psychiatrist.

11. Weight Watchers Gift Certificate

Let's just say even if the women in your life are having weight problems, weight loss related merchandise is a terrible idea for any occasion.

Let’s just say even if the women in your life are having weight problems, weight loss related merchandise is a terrible idea for any occasion. You really don’t want to call your mom fat on Mother’s Day.

12. Rejuvenique Face Mask

This is a facial toning mask which is supposed to tighten facial muscles through electric shocks. However, I'd rather recommend this as a Mother's Day gift for the self-conscious female serial killer.

This is a facial toning mask which is supposed to tighten facial muscles through electric shocks. However, I’d recommend this as a Mother’s Day gift for the self-conscious female serial killer. Pamela Voorhees and Mrs. Bates will absolutely love this!

13. Face Slimmer Duck Mask

Mother's Day gifts shouldn't pertain that Mom needs to slim down fat face even if she has a double chin and Venus rings. In fact, maybe we shouldn't give any face silimming contraptions to anyone. Still, better than Botox since you can at least take it out.

Mother’s Day gifts shouldn’t pertain that Mom needs to slim down fat face even if she has a double chin and Venus rings. In fact, maybe we shouldn’t give any face silimming contraptions to anyone, especially since it makes you look like you’ve had Botox injections on your lips!

14. Houreisen Face Exercise Mask

Basically nothing says Mother's Day like giving your mom a face stretching mask that makes her look like a Mexican wrestler. Seriously, I swear that Sister Incarnacion wore one just like it in Nacho Libre 2.

Basically nothing says Mother’s Day like giving your mom a face stretching mask that makes her look like a Mexican wrestler. Seriously, I swear that Sister Incarnacion wore one just like it in Nacho Libre 2.

15. Facial Flex

Now here's a way for Mom to flex her facial muscles to lift up her droopy skin without plastic surgery. Of course, this probably doesn't work and will make her look like a complete idiot.

Now here’s a way for Mom to flex her facial muscles to lift up her droopy skin without plastic surgery. Of course, this probably doesn’t work and will make her look like a complete idiot.

16. The Fat Magnet

It's supposed to remove unwanted fat from food. Still, not only is this a covertly insulting gift to Mom, but there's no way it actually works. If it did, I wouldn't come across it in the gift guides of Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva.

It’s supposed to remove unwanted fat from food. Still, not only is this a covertly insulting gift to Mom, but there’s no way it actually works. If it did, I wouldn’t come across it in the gift guides of Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva. Seriously, there are better things to spend $20.

17. Food Dress

I'm sorry but a salad dress is still a salad. Besides, unless you're Lady Tottington, I don't see how such fruit and veggie dresses would be appealing to any woman, let alone moms.

I’m sorry but a salad dress is still a salad. Besides, unless you’re Lady Tottington, I don’t see how such fruit and veggie dresses would be appealing to any woman, let alone moms.

18. Fancy, Fringy Daisy Dukes

For one, these aren't great to walk in since the fringes might get caught in something. Second, being unable to wear short shorts is not the end of the world. Third, those aren't even in style and look ridiculous.

For one, these aren’t great to walk in since the fringes might get caught in something. Second, being unable to wear short shorts is not the end of the world. Third, those aren’t even in style and look ridiculous.

19. Glitter Shitter

When your mother says she wants a sparkling toilet seat, I'm sure she didn't mean this, unless she's Lady Gaga. Seriously, nobody wants to crap in a commode that seems straight out of Elton John's disco era bathroom. Besides, toilet seats make terrible gifts anyway.

When your mother says she wants a sparkling toilet seat, I’m sure she didn’t mean this, unless she’s Lady Gaga. Seriously, nobody wants to crap in a commode that seems straight out of Elton John’s disco era bathroom. Besides, toilet seats make terrible gifts anyway.

20. Go Girl!

This is a female (travel) urinal device for when she has to pee in the outskirts of civilization and there's no bush in sight. Just place it under your shorts and hoo-ha and pee away. Still, better have your mom pee in peace and quiet, perhaps with a funnel. Or just give her a carry-on flushing toilet.

This is a female (travel) urinal device for when she has to pee in the outskirts of civilization and there’s no bush in sight. Just place it under your shorts and hoo-ha and pee away. Still, better have your mom pee in peace and quiet, perhaps with a funnel. Or just give her a carry-on flushing toilet.

21. Gold Poop Pills

If sparkly toilet seats aren't bad enough, we have to make our poop sparkle, too. Seriously, do any women want to see their own excrement glittering in the toilet bowl? Of course not! We want to see it flushed down into the septic system. A massive waste of $435 better spent on jewelry.

If sparkly toilet seats aren’t bad enough, we have to make our poop sparkle, too. Seriously, do any women want to see their own excrement glittering in the toilet bowl? Of course not! We want to see it flushed down into the septic system to the water treatment plant. A massive waste of $435 better spent on jewelry.

22. Hug-E-Gram

The kind of Mother's Day gift that says the Sunday bowling tournament is more important to you than seeing her in person on her special day. Seriously, if you can drive to her house and aren't working, why not you just ditch the bowling tournament and just see her in person, you insensitive jerk?

The kind of Mother’s Day gift that says the Sunday bowling tournament is more important to you than seeing her in person on her special day. Seriously, if you can drive to her house and aren’t working, why not you just ditch the bowling tournament and just see her in person, you insensitive jerk?

23. Hana Tsun Nose Straightener

If Adrien Brody can live with his long crooked nose and still have a career and attract a following of fangirls, then I don't see why anybody should need this. Seriously, your mom's nose is probably fine the way it is.

If Adrien Brody can live with his long crooked nose and still have a career as a leading man and attract a following of fangirls, then I don’t see why anybody needs this. Seriously, your mom’s nose is probably fine the way it is.

24. Cooking for the Clueless DVD

Okay, even if your mom is a lousy cook who can use a few lessons, Mother's Day isn't the time of year to bring that up.

Okay, even if your mom is a lousy cook who can use a few lessons, Mother’s Day isn’t the time of year to bring that up.

25. Hand Dipped Roses

Instead of dumping $800 on this floral thing, you're probably better off with giving her a bouquet of fresh flowers, jewelry, or both. Seriously, she'd appreciate it more and it's a better option for your wallet.

Instead of dumping $800 on this floral thing, you’re probably better off with giving her a bouquet of fresh flowers, jewelry, or both. Seriously, she’d appreciate it more and it’s a better option for your wallet.

26. Parenting Manual

Basically giving your mom a book on parenting for Mother's Day is like giving Robinson Crusoe a book on how to survive on a deserted island. This is especially insulting if she's a grandmother.

Basically giving your mom a book on parenting for Mother’s Day is like giving Robinson Crusoe a book on how to survive on a deserted island. This is especially insulting if she’s a grandmother.

27. Twilight Edward Cullen Pillow

Seriously, why get your mom a cuddly pillow of a 107 year old vampire who goes after high school girls? I mean Edward Cullen is a stalking, controlling, and predatory creep who should have a restraining order against him. Not his likeness on a body pillow.

Seriously, why get your mom a cuddly pillow of a 107 year old vampire who goes after high school girls? I mean Edward Cullen is a stalking, controlling, and predatory creep who should have a restraining order against him. Not his likeness on a body pillow.

28. Wine Holder Necklace

Some women love wine. Some women love jewelry. Some women love both. However, combine wine with jewelry into this with the potential to make a mess of wine and broken glass, that's absurd.

Some women love wine. Some women love jewelry. Some women love both. However, combine wine with jewelry into this with the potential to make a mess of wine and broken glass, that’s absurd.

29. Muscle Tights

Okay, maybe these tights are making this woman look too exposed. Seriously, put some skin over them. Also, these look utterly disgusting and more suited for live models in anatomy classes.

Okay, maybe these tights are making this woman look too exposed. Seriously, put some skin over them. Also, these look utterly disgusting and more suited for live models in anatomy classes.

30. Picnic Pants

Sure your mom may be too busy to go on a picnic, but that doesn't mean she's desperate enough to risk looking ridiculous. Comes with a cup holder on a pant leg. Resembles a cross between denim harem pants and a tent.

Sure your mom may be too busy to go on a picnic, but that doesn’t mean she’s desperate enough to risk looking ridiculous. Comes with a cup holder on a pant leg. Resembles a cross between denim harem pants and a tent.

31. Predator Claw Rings

Sure they may make your mom look sharp, but perhaps you should hold on to your $1800 and give her a gifts certificate for a manicure at the spa instead. She'd probably appreciate that way more.

Sure they may make your mom look sharp, but perhaps you should hold on to your $1800 and give her a gifts certificate for a manicure at the spa instead. She’d probably appreciate that way more.

32. Private Laptop Viewer

When your mom said that she wanted some private time to look on her laptop, this was probably not what she was talking about. Seriously, looks like she's been swallowed by a giant sock.

When your mom said that she wanted some private time to look on her laptop, this was probably not what she was talking about. Seriously, looks like she’s been swallowed by a giant sock.

33. Razorbra Back Shaver

Now I'm familiar with men having back hair, but I'm not sure if women do or not. If so, it's hardly an issue. Seriously, it's barely noticeable in photos, well, compared to men's at least.

Now I’m familiar with men having back hair, but I’m not sure if women do or not. If so, it’s hardly an issue. Seriously, it’s barely noticeable in photos, well, compared to men’s at least.

34. Frownies

I'm sure these Botox band-aids will retrain her facial muscles and restore lost youthful beauty without surgery, lotions, or exercises. Either that, or make her look like an idiot with cut out band-aids on her face.

I’m sure these Botox band-aids will retrain her facial muscles and restore lost youthful beauty without surgery, lotions, or exercises. Either that, or make her look like an idiot with cut out band-aids on her face.

35. Suction-Powered Lip Plumper

Now your mother can get luscious, plump, bee stung lips with this device that works by using technology of bicycle pumps or weird sounding flutes from bad cartoons. Seriously, why the hell does this even exist?

Now your mother can get luscious, plump, bee stung lips with this device that works by using technology of bicycle pumps or weird sounding flutes from bad cartoons. Seriously, why the hell does this even exist?

36. Cleavage Pillow

This Intima cleavage pillow provides a soft place for your mom's cleavage and helps treat the little known problem of cleavage wrinkles. Yeah, I didn't know about cleavage wrinkles either.

This Intima cleavage pillow provides a soft place for your mom’s cleavage and helps treat the little known problem of cleavage wrinkles. Yeah, I didn’t know about cleavage wrinkles either.

37. Aerator Sandals

These spiked sandals will open up the soil wherever she walks in the yard. If she prefers walking along dark alleys at night, they can be used as weapons.

These spiked sandals will open up the soil wherever she walks in the yard. If she prefers walking along dark alleys at night, they can be used as weapons.

38. High Heel Wine Bottle Holder

I'm sure this would be the perfect Mother's Day gift for the alcoholic mom with a poor taste in interior decorating. Seriously, that thing is utterly hideous.

I’m sure this would be the perfect Mother’s Day gift for the alcoholic mom with a poor taste in interior decorating. Seriously, that thing is utterly hideous.

39. Trenchcoat Night Shirt

When it comes to sexiness, this is about as alluring as a man in a T-shirt tuxedo top. Also, this is not at all an appropriate gift for your mom on Mother's Day. Seriously, why?

When it comes to sexiness, this is about as alluring as a man in a T-shirt tuxedo top. Also, this is not at all an appropriate gift for your mom on Mother’s Day. Seriously, why?

40. “Won’t It Be Fun If It’s Pink?” Kitchen Appliances

While my mom is perfectly okay with having a knife in cutting board. If I gave her a knife and cutting board set that resembled something from the Barbie Kitchen Collection, that wouldn't go over well.

While my mom is perfectly okay with having a knife in cutting board. If I gave her a knife and cutting board set that resembled something from the Barbie Kitchen Collection, it wouldn’t go over well.

41. Bare Lifts Breast Support

Now many mom's may have sagging boobies and may wish to have them perk up once in awhile. However, a gift like this on Mother's Day is a very bad idea.

Now many mom’s may have sagging boobies and may wish to have them perk up once in awhile. However, a gift like this on Mother’s Day is a very bad idea.

42. Fix a Flop Repair Kit

Hey, look, flip flops are basically a dime a dozen so it's not like you need to have them repaired unless you're Tom Hanks in Castaway. Seriously, if your flip flops break, do what Mom does, get a new pair of flip flops.

Hey, look, flip flops are basically a dime a dozen so it’s not like you need to have them repaired unless you’re Tom Hanks in Castaway. Seriously, if your flip flops break, do what Mom does, get a new pair of flip flops.

43. Solar Mooning Gnome

I'm sure your mom would want nothing more at night than seeing a saggy, bare, glow-in-the dark gnome ass in her flower garden. Yeah right.

I’m sure your mom would want nothing more at night than seeing a saggy, bare, glow-in-the dark gnome ass in her flower garden. Yeah right.

44. Wine Bottle Wine Glass

Now this is the perfect Mother's Day gift for alcoholics. However, just because your mother is a bit too much into wine doesn't mean you should give her one of these. Seriously, it might make you a codependent in some cases.

Now this is the perfect Mother’s Day gift for alcoholics. However, just because your mother is a bit too much into wine doesn’t mean you should give her one of these. Seriously, it might make you a codependent in some cases.

45. Squat Strap

For the outdoorsy mom who hates having to squat in the woods, this offers valuable support for answering the call of nature. Sure there may other uses for it other than taking a shit in the woods but that's not what you imagine Mom doing is it?

For the outdoorsy mom who hates having to squat in the woods, this offers valuable support for answering the call of nature. Sure there may other uses for it other than taking a shit in the woods but that’s not what you imagine Mom doing is it?

46. Crazy Cat Lady Game

Think of it as a game capturing all the fun of collecting herds of diseased feral cats without having to deal with cleaning up urine or being arrested by animal control. Yeah, I'm sure it's fun for all ages.

Think of it as a game capturing all the fun of collecting herds of diseased feral cats without having to deal with cleaning up urine or being arrested by animal control. Yeah, I’m sure it’s fun for all ages.

47. Super Kegel Exerciser

This is supposed to be an exercise contraption for pelvic muscles. Said to enhance a woman's sexual pleasure while toning her thighs, ass, lower abs. Also, said to help with urine incontinence. However, I'd sure as hell not want to be known for buying that doohickey for my mother.

This is supposed to be an exercise contraption for pelvic muscles. Said to enhance a woman’s sexual pleasure while toning her thighs, ass, lower abs. Also, said to help with urine incontinence. However, I’d sure as hell not want to be known for buying that doohickey for my mother.

48. Ouch Cutting Board

A cutting board for the mother who loves to cook, take part in voodoo ceremonies, and wanting to settle scores with the people who wronged you without being arrested.

A cutting board for the mother who loves to cook, take part in voodoo ceremonies, and wanting to settle scores with the people who wronged you without being arrested.

49. Play Doh Perfume

Yes, give your mother the kind of gift that brings her back to the days when she used to get bits of this substance from out of the carpet. Not something she wants to remember.

Yes, give your mother the kind of gift that brings her back to the days when she used to get bits of this substance from out of the carpet. Not something she wants to remember.

50. Chocolate Jesus

For the Catholic mom on Mother's Day, would I recommend this chocolate crucifix? No way in Hell. However, as a Catholic, I wouldn't really say no to chocolate, no matter the kind of sacrilegious shape it may take.

For the Catholic mom on Mother’s Day, would I recommend this chocolate crucifix? No way in Hell. However, as a Catholic, I wouldn’t say no to chocolate, regardless of sacrilegious shape.

51. Slipper Genie

I'm sure when your mom asked for slippers on Mother's Day, she asked for ones she can ask and kick back in. Not ones she can clean the floor with. Give her mop for that instead.

I’m sure when your mom asked for slippers on Mother’s Day, she asked for ones she can ask and kick back in. Not ones she can clean the floor with. Give her mop for that instead.

52. Steve Buscemi Dress

Face it, even if your mother is a diehard Steve Buscemi fan, I'm sure she would dread if she received a dress like this. I think you're better off with giving her a boxed DVD set of Boardwalk Empire instead.

Face it, even if your mother is a diehard Steve Buscemi fan, I’m sure she would dread if she received a dress like this. I’m sure it makes such a sexy model look very unsexy indeed with having Steve Buscemi on her chest. I think you’re better off with giving her a boxed DVD set of Boardwalk Empire instead. A DVD of Fargo is a good choice, too.

53. Portable Speaker Shoes

Sure your mom may like music and shoes. But I'm not sure if she'd want to have her music blasting at the feet of her soles. May I suggest that Billy Joel's "Stiletto" would make a very appropriate soundtrack for these.

Sure your mom may like music and shoes. But I’m not sure if she’d want to have her music blasting at the feet of her soles. May I suggest that Billy Joel’s “Stiletto” would make a very appropriate soundtrack for these.

54. Measuring Tape Belt

Now this is a perfect Mother's Day gift that would give mom a way to pull her pants up as well as heighten her waistline insecurities at the same time. Yeah, you'd probably want to pass on this one, even if your mom has weight problems.

Now this is a perfect Mother’s Day gift that would give mom a way to pull her pants up as well as heighten her waistline insecurities at the same time. Yeah, you’d probably want to pass on this one, even if your mom has weight problems.

55. Subtle Butt Gas Filters

I'm sure there is a time and place to remind your mother that she has a problem with flatuence. However, Mother's Day isn't one of those times.

I’m sure there is a time and place to remind your mother that she has a problem with flatulence. However, Mother’s Day isn’t one of those times.

56. Tissue Box Photo Cover

Moms may like photos of their kids. But sometimes just because you can stick a photo on something, doesn't mean you should. Please, drop the creepy keepsakes ideas and go with a traditional frame.

Moms may like photos of their kids. But sometimes just because you can stick a photo on something, doesn’t mean you should. Please, drop the creepy keepsakes ideas and go with a traditional frame.

57. Uterus Flowers

If your mom isn't one of those New Age hippie types who thinks consuming animal products is murder, then I wouldn't recommend this as a Mother's Day gift. Seriously, avoid such flower arrangements like the plague.

If your mom isn’t one of those New Age hippie types who thinks consuming animal products is murder, then I wouldn’t recommend this as a Mother’s Day gift. Seriously, avoid such flower arrangements like the plague.

58. Wake-N-Bacon Alarm Clock

There may be plenty of mothers who want to wake up to the smell of bacon in bed. But I'm not sure if this is just right for Mother's Day.

There may be plenty of mothers who want to wake up to the smell of bacon in bed. But I’m not sure if this is just right for Mother’s Day.

59. Wearable Luggage

These ponchos may carry 33lbs but there's no room for pride, shame, or positive reputation. Also, gives the term, "bag lady" a whole new meaning. For Mother's Day, you might want to stick with a purse instead.

These ponchos may carry 33lbs but there’s no room for pride, shame, or positive reputation. Also, gives the term, “bag lady” a whole new meaning. For Mother’s Day, you might want to stick with a purse instead.

60. Burt Reynolds Tea Towel

I'm sure your mom wouldn't want to use the 1970s Burt Reynolds centerfold when she hosts her next tea party. Seriously, this is a Mother's Day gift in poor taste.

I’m sure your mom wouldn’t want to use the 1970s Burt Reynolds centerfold when she hosts her next tea party. Seriously, this is a Mother’s Day gift in poor taste.

Sucky Dresses at Prom

This is my cousin John in my sister's junior prom dress. And no, he didn't wear it to prom. But it fits well with what I'm going to talk about.

This is my cousin John in my sister’s junior prom dress. And no, he didn’t wear it to prom (they were just goofing off). But in a post devoted to prom dress fashion disasters, this is a perfect introductory photo.

After the Easter celebrations are over, junior and senior high school students all around the country prepare for the major formal high school dance of the year: prom. Prom season is the time of year when American junior and senior high school students spend countless amounts of their parents’ money on overpriced formal dresses and suits, overpriced tickets for an overpriced venue if it’s not the high school gym, overpriced hairstyles, and overpriced transportation. All just so they can attend a dance with mediocre food and music in hopes that they’d somehow get to third base in the backseat of a car without considering the possibilities of an immediate future with child support payments, STD treatments, teen pregnancy, shotgun weddings, or fucking up the rest of their lives. But it’s all portrayed as the fairytale capstone of a high school girl’s experience as well as a rite of passage in the media. Yeah, right. Now I never went to prom while in high school since I had a quiz bowl tournament in Harrisburg my junior year (with my team coming in 7th but my sister erasing all the photos from my parents’ camera. Yet, it was on PCNC). And during my senior year, I had to go to an out of state funeral for a paternal great aunt I’ve only met once in my life (who was the half-sister of a grandfather I’ve never met). Do I regret not going to prom? Hell no. Seriously, my senior year highlights were finishing in the KDKA Hometown HiQ semifinals where my team won $2,000 for the school as well as a Hall of Fame Club lunch I attended with my father, finishing second in a journalist writing contest winning $25 for myself, attending a friend’s Halloween party, and going on a trip to Disney World with my high school marching band. However, my sister went to her school prom both years and was a member of homecoming court as a senior. And so have many other high school students. Now the average high school promgoer spends an average of about $900 on prom according to the statistics on while I was in high school. So I’m sure that a lot of businesses make a killing off it. But what gets a lot of attention at prom are the overpriced formal dresses which are sometimes designed by straight male perverts and worn by 20 year old models in magazines. Now I can go on with all the pretty prom dresses out there. But you’d probably be bored to tears so I’ll show you some of the prom fashion disasters. Now I have it as Not Safe for Work because some might images might disturb the parents and that I don’t want teenagers to look at it. So without further adieu, here are some of prom’s most epic fashion catastrophes you can’t unsee.

1. Just because the dress may be great for a Civil War reenactment, doesn’t mean you should wear it for prom.

Sorry for being stereotypical here, but I'm not sure if a Southern belle dress would be seen as appropriate apparel for a black girl, according to some historians. Still, to each his own. After all, if you want to wear a dress like that to prom, that's your business. It just that the dress seems like a relic of 60s fashion. And by that, I mean 1860s.

Sorry for being stereotypical here, but I’m not sure if a Southern belle dress would be seen as appropriate apparel for a black girl, historically speaking. Still, to each his own. After all, if you want to wear a dress like that to prom, that’s your business. It’s just that the dress seems like a relic of fashion from the 60s. And by that, I mean the 1860s.

2. For the girl who wants to honor her southern heritage, offend black people, show your support for Lynyrd Skynyrd, and look like a trashy redneck at the same time, then the Confederate flag dress is for you.

Of course, I'd like to know how she'll have to explain this to her black boyfriend. Seriously, the Confederate Flag is a racist symbol since it was used by white supremacist organizations like the KKK and the Dixiecrats.

Of course, I’d like to know how she’ll have to explain this to her black boyfriend. Seriously, the Confederate Flag is a racist symbol since it was used by white supremacist organizations like the KKK and the Dixiecrats.

3. For those aiming for the Grecian look, may I present to you Bo Derek in her bedsheet.

Let's just hope she's poorer than hen shit and wearing an actual bedsheet as a prom dress. Because I really don't want to think that her parents spent all this money on a dress that makes her seem like a slutty Grecian harem girl.

Let’s just hope she’s poorer than hen shit and wearing an actual bedsheet as a prom dress. Because I really don’t want to think that her parents spent over $300 on a dress that makes her seem like a slutty Grecian harem girl.

4. Of course, it’s not just the ladies who want to get in on the formalwear action. These guys dressed as the colors of the rainbow.

Of course, while many may see these teenage boys as the innocent promgoers they are, some people in the Bible Belt conspiracy theorist might equate them with the fictitious gay mafia of their imaginations. Either that, or Willy Wonka's fraternity.

Of course, while many may see these teenage boys as the innocent promgoers they are, some people in the Bible Belt conspiracy theorist might equate them with the fictitious gay mafia of their imaginations. Either that, or Willy Wonka’s fraternity.

5. While most prom dresses cost loads of money, this dress is practically made of money.

Of course, what would make this dress worse was if the money on it is real, which I'm sure isn't. Still, doesn't give her a good rep if she decides to use this picture for her online dating profile.

Of course, what would make this dress worse was if the money on it is real, which I’m sure isn’t. Still, doesn’t give her a good rep if she decides to use this picture for her online dating profile.

6. For those who love colors and prints, this psychedelic prom dress is perfect for you.

This dress's design was inspired by the designer's drug trip on the brown acid at Woodstock during his hippie days. Can you dig it, man?

This dress’s design was inspired by the designer’s drug trip on the brown acid at Woodstock during his hippie days. Can you dig it, man?

7. While prom is known for elaborate hairstyles, nobody’s has seen anything nearly as spectacular as helicopter hair.

Now I know that choppers may have very little to do with prom. But I have to appreciate that this girl's hairdresser certainly had a great sense of humor.

Now I know that choppers may have very little to do with prom. But I have to appreciate that this girl’s hairdresser certainly had a great sense of humor.

8. For those who love Star Wars, nothing says love at prom like dressing up as Anakin Skywalker and Queen Padme Amidala.

Of course, for those who've seen all the prequels, we know that their relationship doesn't end well. Yeah, I can understand why Jedi are forbidden to marry.

Of course, for those who’ve seen all the prequels, we know that their relationship doesn’t end well. Seriously, she dies of childbirth while he gets dismembered that he has to wear a Darth Vader suit. Yeah, I can understand why Jedi are forbidden to marry.

9. Nothing shows redneck pride at prom than a camo dress and a matching suit.

Unless your school's theme for prom is based off The Deer Hunter, I would really advise against it. Seriously, camo is proper during deer season, not prom season. Get it through your heads!

Unless your school’s theme for prom is based off The Deer Hunter, I would really advise against it. Seriously, camo is proper during deer season, not prom season. Get it through your heads!

10. For those who can’t afford a prom dress or don’t want one, I’m sure formal shorts and top is right for you.

Perhaps when it comes to prom dress codes for girls, you might want to go with, "Do not wear anything resembling something that Niki Minaj might wear to one of her concerts."  The guy looks kind of sleazy as well, but in a different context.

Perhaps when it comes to prom dress codes for girls, you might want to go with, “Do not wear anything resembling something that Niki Minaj might wear to one of her concerts.” The guy looks kind of sleazy as well, but in a different context.

11. While some prom dresses seem like they were made to accentuate the sexiness of supermodels, sometimes designers can go too far.

Okay, someone forgot that the top part of the dress shouldn't consist of just boob straps. Seriously, this looks incredibly slutty and it's not helped by the girl's expression that suggests that she's cheap and easy.

Okay, someone forgot that the top part of the dress shouldn’t consist of just boob straps. Seriously, this looks incredibly slutty and it’s not helped by the girl’s expression that suggests that she’s cheap and easy.

12. For those who want to catch eyes like a peacock, you can’t go wrong with a feather train.

So that's what they were doing with the tufts of the Truffula trees. And I thought they were just for Thneeds, whatever those are. Still, probably a main reason why the Lorax's forest basically went to shit due to deforestation by the Oncler.

So that’s what they were doing with the tufts of the Truffula trees. And I thought they were just for Thneeds, whatever those are. Still, probably a main reason why the Lorax’s forest basically went to shit due to deforestation by the Oncler.

13. Of course, when it comes to skimpy prom outfits, it’s not just the girls you need to worry about.

Now the girl is actually decently dressed. The guy on the other hand, is a different story. Seriously, nobody wants to see you dressed for prom as Borat at the beach.

Now the girl is actually decently dressed. The guy on the other hand, is a different story. Seriously, nobody wants to see you dressed for prom as Borat at the beach.

14. You can be the prettiest girl at prom with a dress of jewels and tie dye.

I don't know about you but people during the 1960s and 1970s didn't wear tie dye to prom for a reason. Guess her prom's theme this year is Chez a la Woodstock.

I don’t know about you but people during the 1960s and 1970s didn’t wear tie dye to prom for a reason. Guess her prom’s theme this year is Chez a la Woodstock.

15. For all you art fans out there, ever teen girl would look beautiful in this prom dress with its design inspired by the masterpieces of Jackson Pollock.

On second thought, Jackson Pollock is a horrible artist. Seriously, why spend an enormous fortune on the kind of paintings your 3 year old can make you for free? Still, this dress is just plain hideous.

On second thought, Jackson Pollock is a horrible artist. Seriously, why spend an enormous fortune on the kind of paintings your 3 year old can make you for free? Still, this dress is just plain hideous.

16. For the girl with kaleidoscope eyes, this is the prom dress for you.

Man, just looking at this dress makes me feel like I'm tripping balls. Must be inspired by some kind of acid trip during the 1970s. Yeah, it's enough to make your prom date's eye sore.

Man, just looking at this dress makes me feel like I’m tripping balls. Must be inspired by some kind of acid trip during the 1970s. Yeah, it’s enough to make your prom date’s eye sore.

17. When you really want to stand out at prom, you can’t go wrong with a dress of chartreuse.

Now if my sister or I wanted to wear a dress like this at prom, I'd know exactly what my dad would say, which is, "No way in hell." Seriously, my Grandma C wore that color and my dad just thinks it's bad fashion sense.

Now if my sister or I wanted to wear a dress like this at prom, I’d know exactly what my dad would say, which is, “No way in hell.” Seriously, my Grandma C wore that color and my dad just thinks it’s bad fashion sense.

18. Of course, shopping for prom dresses might be difficult for the unfortunate teenage girls who’ve been knocked up for awhile. But sometimes even that won’t stop them from having fun.

Now being pregnant around prom time is one thing. But wearing a dress like that? Seriously, this is just in very poor taste, maybe even by cheep hooker standards. Oh, my God, why?

Now being pregnant around prom time is one thing. But wearing a dress like that? Seriously, this is just in very poor taste, maybe even by cheep hooker standards. Oh, my God, why?

19. This elegant V-neck gown will make any teenage girl feel like a princess.

That or a fifth rate version of Miley Cyrus at the Oscars. Then again, she'd probably wear one that would show way less skin.

That or a fifth rate version of Miley Cyrus at the Oscars. Then again, she’d probably wear one that would show way less skin.

20. For prom, you can’t do wrong with a short dress and fishnet stockings.

On second thought, you definitely can. Seriously, this girl looks like a cleaned up pretty version of a back alley hooker. I mean, why would anyone let their kid wear this?

On second thought, you definitely can. Seriously, this girl looks like a cleaned up pretty version of a back alley hooker. I mean, why would anyone let their kid wear this? Wonder if she has knee high heeled boots to go with that and she’ll be all set.

21. For a more natural prom look, may I suggest you go with animal prints?

Take my advice, I hate animal prints. I think they take a reasonable looking gown and turn it into a tacky mess of poor taste. Seriously, it looks awful.

Take my advice, I hate animal prints. I think they take a reasonable looking gown and turn it into a tacky mess of poor taste. Seriously, it looks awful.

22. When it comes to prom, there’s nothing better than having your outfit support your favorite sports team.

I suppose this coordination was the guy's idea. Like camo, sports trademark formal wear simply doesn't belong. Seriously, it looks really out of place.

I suppose this coordination was the guy’s idea. Like camo, sports trademark formal wear simply doesn’t belong. Seriously, it looks really out of place.

23. May I present to you: Willy Wonka’s prom picture.

Man, they sure look happy together. Too bad Willy soon became a recluse confectioner who owned a gigantic factory run by enslaved labor. Guess this girl doesn't regret dumping him and is now married with a family.

Man, they sure look happy together. Too bad Willy soon became a recluse confectioner who owned a gigantic factory run by enslaved labor. Guess this girl doesn’t regret dumping him and is now married with a family.

24. This couples prom theme: Tribute to Dippin’ Dots: Ice Cream of the Future.

I don't see the appeal of Dippin' Dots as Ice Cream of the Future and the only place I've seen it sold is Kennywood anyway. Still, guess this couple is smarter to make their prom outfits.

I don’t see the appeal of Dippin’ Dots as Ice Cream of the Future and the only place I’ve seen it sold is Kennywood anyway. Still, guess this couple is smarter to make their prom outfits.

25. Some girls go for puffy sleeves, some not at all. This one went with spiked.

Man, guess this dress will make it difficult for her boyfriend to put his arm around her in the back of the car. Now that moment can get awkward.

Man, guess this dress will make it difficult for her boyfriend to put his arm around her in the back of the car. Now that moment can get awkward.

26. Of course, if you love John Hughes movies, you can always wear a prom dress from the 1980s.

Hey, I didn't know Dr. Felix Frankfurther wore a purple dress at his senior prom. Guess he'd love to do the Time Warp again to aim for a sensible look from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Then again, maybe not.

Hey, I didn’t know Dr. Felix Frankfurther wore a purple dress at his senior prom. Guess he’d love to do the Time Warp again to aim for a sensible look from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Then again, maybe not.

27. From Jovani, here we have a lovely sequin gown of camouflage?

Sequin camo? What the fuck? Seriously, this woman may be pretty. But as for the girls who'd actually wear such a dress for prom, chances are they probably come from a trailer park. I mean why does this even exist?

Sequin camo? What the fuck? Seriously, this woman may be pretty. But as for the girls who’d actually wear such a dress for prom, chances are they probably come from a trailer park. I mean why does this even exist?

28. For the girl going to prom, make sure your dress has all the necessary trimmings.

Two pieces? Check. Colorful animal prints? Check. Midriff jewelry? Check? Yellow ruffles? Check. May I introduce to you the quintessential trashy dress for your tacky and skanky heart's content.

Two pieces? Check. Colorful animal prints? Check. Midriff jewelry? Check? Yellow ruffles? Check. May I introduce to you the quintessential trashy dress for your tacky and skanky heart’s content.

29. For those who want to shimmer in pink, this is the beautiful dress for you.

Outside is all pink and sparkles. But underneath, you have a 1970s acid fever dream. Trippy, man. I know.

Outside is all pink and sparkles. But underneath, you have a 1970s acid fever dream. Trippy, man. I know.

30. Of course, if you’re a guy, you might want to let your parents know that your prom date is a bit unconventional when it comes to her hair.

Just love the look on that guy's face. Still, you have to love these vintage pictures. The girl's punk hairdo is just so out of place in this. So funny.

Just love the look on that guy’s face. Still, you have to love these vintage pictures. The girl’s punk hairdo is just so out of place in this. So funny.

31. For the pregnant prom goer: when selecting a dress, I’d advise you to stay out of the Kim Kardashian maternity line.

Now this is just really bad. I mean teen pregnancy is nothing to write home about. But dressing like that to prom is skanky enough even if you don't have a bun in the oven.

Now this is just really bad. I mean teen pregnancy is nothing to write home about. But dressing like that to prom is skanky enough even if you don’t have a bun in the oven.

32. I call this prom dress style the slutty superheroine.

Sure she may look quite slutty, but at least she's appears as if she's Thor's exotic sassy black girlfriend. Perhaps she's an African ocean goddess.

Sure she may look quite slutty, but at least she’s appears as if she’s Thor’s exotic sassy black girlfriend. Perhaps she’s an African ocean goddess of the waves.

33. For the ladies wanting a prom to be their happily ever after, you can’t go wrong with a princess ball gown.

Okay now while everything else is fine, I think the leopard print really makes this dress less than bedazzling to me. I mean no prom princess in her right mind would want to wear a gown with ugly leopard prints on it.

Okay now while everything else is fine, I think the leopard print really makes this dress less than bedazzling to me. I mean no prom princess in her right mind would want to wear a gown with ugly leopard prints on it.

34. Hear ye, hear ye, may I presenth to you thy Tudor prom king and queen.

Of course, these prom outfits seem less suitable for ye olde prom and more appropriate for the ye olde Renaissance faire. Also, what's with the codpiece? Seriously, that don't look right.

Of course, these prom outfits seem less suitable for ye olde prom and more appropriate for the ye olde Renaissance faire. Also, what’s with the codpiece? Seriously, that don’t look right.

35. For those who love Disney but hate princesses, make your prom as sweet as honey by wearing Winnie the Pooh.

Now this set up doesn't seem skanky at all. But it's just that years from now when their kids see this prom picture, they'll probably be laughing their asses off. Seriously, I know the guy is going along with the Pooh theme because he wants some poo tang.

Now this set up doesn’t seem skanky at all. But it’s just that years from now when their kids see this prom picture, they’ll probably be laughing their asses off. Seriously, I know the guy is going along with the Pooh theme because he wants some poo tang.

36. Prom photo or still photo of some unknown 1980s hair band?

I know it's probably a 1980s prom picture. Yet, with those crazy hairstyles, no one can tell. Still, you gotta love the 1980s.

I know it’s probably a 1980s prom picture. Yet, with those crazy hairstyles, no one can tell. Still, you gotta love the 1980s. Seems like they have so many hair products to go around.

37. When you don’t have anything for prom, when in doubt, do denim.

On second thought, no, please don't. Most workplaces consider the material as below business casual, let alone a bad material for formal wear. Still, I don't know which one of this couple is more likely to trip over: the girl with the train or the guy in the elephant bell pants.

On second thought, no, please don’t. Most workplaces consider the material as below business casual, let alone a bad material for formal wear. Still, I don’t know which one of this couple is more likely to trip over: the girl with the train or the guy in the elephant bell pants.

38. Since prom is about dancing, food, excess, and sex in the high school world, it’s only reasonable that you should go with Mardi Gras.

Wait a minute, Mardi Gras was in February. Prom season is in April and May. So isn't it a little late to dress for Mardi Gras for prom?

Wait a minute, Mardi Gras was in February. Prom season is in April and May. So isn’t it a little late to dress for Mardi Gras for prom?

39. For prom, nothing makes you love American more than a patriotic prom dress and suit.

These two seem like they're the part of the pep squad for Apollo Creed or the Harlem Globetrotters. Then again, they're doing it for the Stuck at Prom competition, but still.

These two seem like they’re the part of the pep squad for Apollo Creed or the Harlem Globetrotters. Then again, they’re doing it for the Stuck at Prom competition, but still.

40. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you, the Russian gangster and his Russian hooker bride.

If this was a Russian wedding picture, I might understand this a little better. But it's a prom picture and I' have no idea why the girl's parents let her wear that out of all the dresses available.

If this was a Russian wedding picture, I might understand this a little better. But it’s a prom picture and I’ have no idea why the girl’s parents let her wear that out of all the dresses available.

41. While we usually see a prom princess with a conventional ball gown, I don’t see why we shouldn’t exclude warrior prom princesses, too.

Oh, wait. Yes, I think I do see a reason. Because warrior princesses dress as skimpy as hell to appeal to a male fan base. Yeah, that's right. Still, you don't want to mess with this girl. She could be Storm from the X-Men for all you know.

Oh, wait. Yes, I think I do see a reason. Because warrior princesses dress as skimpy as hell to appeal to a male fan base. Yeah, that’s right. Still, you don’t want to mess with this girl. She could be Storm from the X-Men for all you know.

42. When you’re mellow, go with yellow. When you’re away, go with gray.

Now I know my school would never let me wear that yellow dress for prom. However, it's the gray trimmings that irk me with this outfit. Seriously, makes the girl look like she's straight from a Sci-fi TV show.

Now I know my school would never let me wear that yellow dress for prom. However, it’s the gray trimmings that irk me with this outfit. Seriously, makes the girl look like she’s straight from a sci-fi TV show.

43. Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you Storm Boy and Rainbow Girl.

You know your prom outfits are lame when even the yellow umbrella is snickering behind you. Still, they're probably just doing it for the art or the scholarship money so it's not like they broke their parents' bank.

You know your prom outfits are lame when even the yellow umbrella is snickering behind you. Still, they’re probably just doing it for the art or the scholarship money so it’s not like they broke their parents’ bank.

44. With a prom dress like this, any girl can look like a goddess. And by that, I mean an evil one from a sc-fi show that forces guys to have sex with her.

Yeah, I think this dress was inspired by some alien girl's outfit from Battlestar Galactica or Star Trek: The Next Generation. But I'm sure wearing this will certainly get her a date with a cute sci-fi nerd.

Yeah, I think this dress was inspired by some alien girl’s outfit from Battlestar Galactica or Star Trek: The Next Generation. But I’m sure wearing this will certainly get her a date with a cute sci-fi nerd.

45. Speaking of sci-fi prom dresses, a lady can’t go wrong with cocktail dress inspired by TRON.

Hey, girl, you might want to save your TRON dress for the geek convention where it will be a hit with the nerds. Either that, or the Black Eyed Peas Super Bowl concert.

Hey, girl, you might want to save your TRON dress for the geek convention where it will be a hit with the nerds. Either that, or the Black Eyed Peas Super Bowl concert.

46. May I present to you Sammy Stumpak and all right, how old is this guy’s date?

I know we're supposed to believe this girl is in high school. But with that dress and that hair, I swear I must've mistook her for a teacher robbing the cradle. Seriously, that dress looks so unsuitable for what teen girl would wear to prom. And that style reminds me of a few teachers I had in elementary school.

I know we’re supposed to believe this girl is in high school. But with that dress and that hair, I swear I must’ve mistook her for a teacher robbing the cradle. Seriously, that dress looks so unsuitable for what teen girl would wear to prom. And that style reminds me of a few teachers I had in elementary school.

47. Aw, now finally a nice couple prom photo. Wait a minute, is that a guy wearing a dress?

Now I'm sure guys could wear dresses if they want to. It's just that this guy looks as if he's some villain from some bad sci-fi space opera from the 1980s. I mean, that just doesn't look right to me.

Now I’m sure guys could wear dresses if they want to. It’s just that this guy looks as if he’s some villain from some bad sci-fi space opera from the 1980s. I mean, that just doesn’t look right to me.

48. Make your prom a fairytale adventure as the Queen of Hearts and the Mad Hatter.

Hey, I didn't know that the Queen of Hearts and the Mad Hatter went to prom together. Or that they were in high school at the same time. Or that Wonderland even has a high school or prom.

Hey, I didn’t know that the Queen of Hearts and the Mad Hatter went to prom together. Or that they were in high school at the same time. Or that Wonderland even has a high school or prom.

49. For prom, this couple decided to combine their tastes for deer hunting and gangster films for their outfits this year.

Now while they're clad in camo and bright orange, in accordance with deer hunting season, the guy's in a pinstripe suit assuming the look of a 1920s gangster. Seriously, I'm sure if Nucky Thompson had a hunting outfit, it would look exactly like that.

Now while they’re clad in camo and bright orange, in accordance with deer hunting season, the guy’s in a pinstripe suit assuming the look of a 1920s gangster. Seriously, I’m sure if Nucky Thompson had a hunting outfit, it would look exactly like that.

50. What way to celebrate prom than to dress up in the costumes of your European ancestors back in the home country?

I don't know about you, but I'm sure if you had European ancestors, I'm sure they didn't dress at all like that in the home country. Unless you're counting fairy tales, of course. Also, I'm sure the guy's not allowed  to bring a sword to prom.

I don’t know about you, but I’m sure if you had European ancestors, I’m sure they didn’t dress at all like that in the home country. Unless you’re counting fairy tales, of course. Also, I’m sure the guy’s not allowed to bring a sword to prom due to the zero tolerance weapons policy.

51. When it comes to pimping at prom, you have to do it in plaid.

Now dressing up as a pimp for Halloween is one thing, but for prom? Seriously, pimps exploit women by making them have sex with other guys for money. Do you really want to send that kind of message to girls?

Now dressing up as a pimp for Halloween is one thing, but for prom? Seriously, pimps exploit women by making them have sex with other guys for money. Do you really want to send that kind of message to girls?

52. Prom dress, very expensive sexy lingerie, or both?

From what I can tell, this could very well be used for prom or very overpriced sleepwear. Seriously, I'm sure my dad wouldn't want me to wear that to prom. Still, I don't think I'd want to buy it.

From what I can tell, this could very well be used for prom or very overpriced sleepwear. Seriously, I’m sure my dad wouldn’t want me to wear that to prom. Still, I don’t think I’d want to buy it.

53. With a suit like this, this guy will match both his bitches.

Now I'm sure this guy knows how to compromise with both his girlfriends since he seems to really want a threesome. However, I'm not sure if the pimp cane and cup really sends good connotations, other than the two girl thing.

Now I’m sure this guy knows how to compromise with both his girlfriends since he seems to really want a threesome. However, I’m not sure if the pimp cane and cup really sends good connotations, other than the two girl thing.

54. When you want to stand out at prom, an orange dress will certainly get you noticed.

Of course, this dress will certainly make guys think that you're an aspiring streetwalker. Not to mention, I think it goes against the high school dress codes in most states.

Of course, this dress will certainly make guys think that you’re an aspiring streetwalker. Not to mention, I think it goes against the high school dress codes in most states.

55. Of course, when you can’t buy your prom dress, you can always make your own.

Good News: Looks like these people didn't spend a lot of money on their prom outfits. Bad News: Their clothes were made from the same material. Very Bad News: The fabric is ugly.

Good News: Looks like these people didn’t spend a lot of money on their prom outfits.
Bad News: Their clothes were made from the same material.
Very Bad News: The fabric is ugly.

56. Celebrate your love for America this prom, with this patriotic princess dress.

From Ugly Dress.com: "Prom Patriots are very popular. Prom Patriots get everything they could ever want. If you dress up like the Prom Patriot everyone will like you, you will get into the college of your choice, your acne will clear up, your boobs will get bigger, the Prom King will kiss you behind the coke machine, and you will even have a baby." Yeah right.

From Ugly Dress.com: “Prom Patriots are very popular. Prom Patriots get everything they could ever want. If you dress up like the Prom Patriot everyone will like you, you will get into the college of your choice, your acne will clear up, your boobs will get bigger, the Prom King will kiss you behind the coke machine, and you will even have a baby.” Yeah right.

57. While prom dresses typically have bright beautiful colors, this isn’t always the case.

Yeah, this dress may seem decent but the color scheme really isn't appropriate. I mean spring has to be full of life. With a dress like this, everything looks dead.

Yeah, this dress may seem decent but the color scheme really isn’t appropriate. I mean spring has to be full of life. With a dress like this, everything looks dead.

58. Of course, a dress like this can really enhance your shoulders.

Reminds me of the kind of dress women would wear during the 1980s, particularly if they were rich trophy wives of Wall Street bankers. Yeah, I'm sure it would be a perfect fit for a teenage girl. Not.

Reminds me of the kind of dress women would wear during the 1980s, particularly if they were rich trophy wives of Wall Street bankers. Yeah, I’m sure it would be a perfect fit for a teenage girl. Not.

59. When it comes to prom dresses, you can’t have too much ruffles and leather.

Uh, yeah, I think you can. Seriously, seems like 1980s prom dress designs at their most ridiculous. I mean it would've looked better without the white trimmings on it.

Uh, yeah, I think you can. Seriously, seems like 1980s prom dress designs at their most ridiculous. I mean it would’ve looked better without the white trimmings on it.

60. Man, I’m not sure if it’s the prom dress or I’m just plain tripping at the moment.

Now whoever designed this dress must've been under the influence of strong hallucinogenic mushrooms or peyote in that matter. Seriously, gives me migraines just looking at it.

Now whoever designed this dress must’ve been under the influence of strong hallucinogenic mushrooms or peyote in that matter. Seriously, gives me migraines just looking at it.

61. Prom dress or German barmaid outfit?

I think I might've seen a similar dress on a wax figure of Rhihanna. Doesn't really seem appropriate for her. Still, hope she saves it to wear for Oktoberfest.

I think I might’ve seen a similar dress on a wax figure of Rhianna. Doesn’t really seem appropriate for her. Still, hope she saves it to wear for Oktoberfest.

62. Prom princess or giant princess cupcake?

Now I'm sure she can party all she wants. But she needs to be home by midnight or her ride will turn back into a pumpkin and her driver back into a mouse. However, she'll accept any proposal from the guy who returns her glass slipper.

Now I’m sure she can party all she wants. But she needs to be home by midnight or her ride will turn back into a pumpkin and her driver back into a mouse. However, she’ll accept any proposal from the guy who returns her glass slipper.

63. Can’t really tell whether these two are on their way to prom or a back alley dance club.

Of course, it's probably prom since their outfits seem to be made from duct tape for the "Stuck at Prom" competition. They're probably repressed art students, go figure.

Of course, it’s probably prom since their outfits seem to be made from duct tape for the “Stuck at Prom” competition. They’re probably repressed art students, go figure.

64. For those wanting to get in touch with their wild side, this jungle princess prom dress is a perfect fit.

Now if this wasn't a prom dress, I could've almost mistake it for a Victoria's Secret lingerie ad. Seriously, kind of looks unbelievably skimpy once you add leopard prints.

Now if this wasn’t a prom dress, I could’ve almost mistake it for a Victoria’s Secret lingerie ad. Seriously, kind of looks unbelievably skimpy once you add leopard prints.

65. Ladies and gentlemen, all hail Queen Vespa from the planet Saldor.

I don't know about you, but I could see one of Captain Kirk's love interests wearing this very outfit on an episode from the original Star Trek. If she painted herself green, she could even go to a Star Trek convention in that very outfit.

I don’t know about you, but I could see one of Captain Kirk’s love interests wearing this very outfit on an episode from the original Star Trek. If she painted herself green, she could even go to a Star Trek convention in that very outfit.

66. Everyone, I give you the prom outfits from the future.

Of course, when I look at these outfits, it makes me not look forward to what high school kids might wear for prom in the future. This is especially the case with the guy wearing a brown suit.

Of course, when I look at these outfits, it makes me not look forward to what high school kids might wear for prom in the future. This is especially the case with the guy wearing a brown suit.

67. Sometimes when it comes to prom dresses, you have to go with what you got.

However, I'm sure repurposing beer crates as prom dresses probably isn't a good idea. Seriously, you aren't even allowed to wear beer shirts at school, let alone beer crates at prom.

However, I’m sure repurposing beer crates as prom dresses probably isn’t a good idea. Seriously, you aren’t even allowed to wear beer shirts at school, let alone beer crates at prom.

68. No I do declare, you can’t go wrong at prom dressed as a Southern Belle and her gentleman beau.

Worst Gone with the Wind cosplay I've ever seen. Seriously, the dress color is terrible. And frankly, my dear, I really do give a damn.

Worst Gone with the Wind cosplay I’ve ever seen. Seriously, the dress color is terrible. And frankly, my dear, I really do give a damn.

69. Some people see prom as a fairy tale while others just go to prom to just chill.

Yeah, prom should be about peace, love, and rock n' roll. Of course, a lot of people have sex after prom. But still, these outfits seem more suitable for Woodstock than perhaps a formal high school dance.

Yeah, prom should be about peace, love, and rock n’ roll. Of course, a lot of people have sex after prom. But still, these outfits seem more suitable for Woodstock than perhaps a formal high school dance.

70. Remember, ladies, make sure the top half of your prom dress corresponds with your bra size.

Yeah, I see a future with this girl after high school. Seems like she'll spend a great chunk of her life turning a lot of tricks and taking her clothes at certain establishments. Wouldn't be surprised if a former classmate saw her at the Filly Corral.

Yeah, I see a future with this girl after high school. Seems like she’ll spend a great chunk of her life turning a lot of tricks and taking her clothes at certain establishments. Wouldn’t be surprised if a former classmate saw her at the Filly Corral.

71. Nothing makes a pimp stand out than a suit of leopard prints in lime green.

For one, lime green isn't a great color for prom. Seriously, it's a hideous color. Second, I'm sure a lime green pimp outfit doesn't make a guy look any badass. In fact, it just makes you look ridiculous.

For one, lime green isn’t a great color for prom. Seriously, it’s a hideous color. Second, I’m sure a lime green pimp outfit doesn’t make a guy look any badass. In fact, it just makes you look ridiculous.

72. Taking a prom photo with guns. What can possibly go wrong with that?

Now it's one thing to take a prom photo with guns. It's a whole different matter when the guy is dressed up like a 1920s gangster. And the fact it's so unintentional makes it even funnier.

Now it’s one thing to take a prom photo with guns. It’s a whole different matter when the guy is dressed up like a 1920s gangster. And the fact it’s so unintentional makes it even funnier.

73. When it comes to princess gown skirts, some girls think bigger is better.

Now zebra print shoes and jacket aside, I wonder how this girl ever manages to sit in the car with that thing on. At least her dad could be happy that these two will have a very difficult time getting it on afterwards.

Now zebra print shoes and jacket aside, I wonder how this girl ever manages to sit in the car with that thing on. At least her dad could be happy that these two will have a very difficult time getting it on afterwards.

74. For those who dislike leopard prints, you can always go with zebras.

It's amazing how animal prints can turn a reasonably slutty dress like this, into one that's even more suitable for aspiring street walkers. Seriously, no self-respecting parent would want their daughter wearing that.

It’s amazing how animal prints can turn a reasonably slutty dress like this, into one that’s even more suitable for aspiring street walkers. Seriously, no self-respecting parent would want their daughter wearing that.

75. When it comes to couples, many believe that they should match.

For some reason, though I think the girl's dress is slutty enough, I think the guy's outfit is much worse. Seriously, it looks like some crazy bodysuit you'd see in some sex dungeon or something.

For some reason, though I think the girl’s dress is slutty enough, I think the guy’s outfit is much worse. Seriously, it looks like some crazy bodysuit you’d see in some sex dungeon or something.

76. Prom dress or futuristic dress for a sexy maid?

Yeah, I think tin the future, all the fembots would wear outfits like these so they can please their dirty old but terminally single masters by bowing to their every desire. Seriously, this dress is as tacky as hell.

Yeah, I think tin the future, all the fembots would wear outfits like these so they can please their dirty old but terminally single masters by bowing to their every desire. Seriously, this dress is as tacky as hell.

77. Come hither, come hither, lords and ladies, to the age old tradition of prom.

So that's how the first Blackadder managed to get laid and have descendants. Too bad women will soon find him repulsive and he'd be compelled to marry a child, but that's another episode. Oh, wait did they have prom in medieval England? Who cares.

So that’s how the first Blackadder managed to get laid and have descendants. Too bad women will soon find him repulsive and he’d be compelled to marry a child, but that’s another episode. Oh, wait did they have prom in medieval England? Who cares.

78. Nothing brings out the spirit of prom than showing your love for Mountain Dew.

I'm sure these two are getting paid for doing this. Seriously, that's the only reason why I'd wear a Mountain Dew dress. Also, the guy seems like he's one face paint away from being a Batman villain.

I’m sure these two are getting paid for doing this. Seriously, that’s the only reason why I’d wear a Mountain Dew dress. Also, the guy seems like he’s one face paint away from being a Batman villain.

79. If your date is dressed up like a 1920s gangster, here’s a great dress to complement it.

Now this dress would actually be pretty nice for prom. However, you just need to remove the low hanging trimmings, which make it look ridiculous. Seriously, I'm sure flappers didn't wear a dress like that.

Now this dress would actually be pretty nice for prom. However, you just need to remove the low hanging trimmings, which make it look ridiculous. Seriously, I’m sure flappers didn’t wear a dress like that.

80. Now this one is called the “Mermaid Sweetheart” dress. But it kind of seems gothy to me.

Of course, when she's done with the dress after prom, she could send it to the funeral home where they could use it for coffin liner.

Of course, when she’s done with the dress after prom, she could send it to the funeral home where they could use it for coffin liner.

The Wonderful World of Architecture (Second Edition)

Mughal-Architecture-2

I know that my post last November on architecture but I thought that since it’s very close to Easter and I have nothing going on until Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, I thought I’d do another post on a scourge of pandemic proportions that no one’s talking about: modern architecture. For a long time in the world, cities have been plagued by building projects that serve to uglify their skylines. Sure there are masterpieces like the Sydney Opera House, the Church of the Sagrada Familia, the Chrysler Building, the Empire State Building, or the Gateway Arch. But there are also hideous skyscrapers, unholy looking churches, and public buildings that either suggest the architect was on acid or what. Tourists who visit these cities wonder whether the metropolitan area is going to pot or trying to imitate Las Vegas or Soviet Russia. Either way, many modern buildings are seen as unending eyesores to the populace, which I will show you know. So without further adieu, here are some more disasterpieces of architecture for your pleasure.

1. I begin with bringing you just some drab old office building in the middle of nowhere.

Wait, that's the North Dakota State Capitol. Seriously, I guess the state wasn't looking for someone with any imagination. Seems like something straight out of the Soviet Union if you ask me.

Wait, that’s the North Dakota State Capitol. Seriously, I guess the state wasn’t looking for someone with any imagination. Seems like something straight out of the Soviet Union if you ask me.

2. Behold, I give you the world’s largest glass vagina.

I'm sorry with resorting to vulgarities. But when I look at it, I just can't help thinking about how it looks so much like a glittering giant snatch.

I’m sorry with resorting to vulgarities. But when I look at it, I just can’t help thinking about how it looks so much like a glittering giant snatch.

3. Seems like this piece of modern architecture was supposed to be constructed on a different planet.

This is the No. 1 Poultry building in London. And yeah, it's just atrocious with it's striped earth tones and glass. Seems like an airport terminal at Tattooine.

This is the No. 1 Poultry building in London. And yeah, it’s just atrocious with it’s striped earth tones and glass. Seems like an airport terminal at Tattooine.

4. Ladies and gentleman, may I introduce you to the Safety Razor tower.

I'm sure this would be an appropriate corporate headquarters for Gillette. But I wonder if any of their employees want to work inside a safety razor building.

I’m sure this would be an appropriate corporate headquarters for Gillette. But I wonder if any of their employees want to work inside a safety razor building.

5. Now here is a skyscraper that’s befit for any supervillian with money to burn like Lex Luthor.

It's actually the RSA Battle House Tower in Mobile, Alabama and the tallest in the city. I think it's an office complex and hotel. But still, you can totally imagine Lex Luthor living there, right?

It’s actually the RSA Battle House Tower in Mobile, Alabama and the tallest in the city. I think it’s an office complex and hotel. But still, you can totally imagine Lex Luthor living there, right?

6. When looking at this building, you’d expect it to be a luxury mothership with little green men inside.

Hate to disappoint those UFO conspiracy theorists out there. But this is the Valencia Opera House (aka the Queen Sofia Palace of the Arts) in Spain. Of course, this would be a perfect place for a Spanish space opera if you get my drift.

Hate to disappoint those UFO conspiracy theorists out there. But this is the Valencia Opera House (aka the Queen Sofia Palace of the Arts) in Spain. Of course, this would be a perfect place for a Spanish space opera if you get my drift.

7. In Soviet Mother Russia, this house ring brings the concept of Rear Window to a whole new level.

Of course, this reminds me of an abandoned football stadium or a modernized Colosseum that was deserted long ago. Either way, this house ring ain't pretty to say the least.

Of course, this reminds me of an abandoned football stadium or a modernized Colosseum that was deserted long ago. Either way, this house ring ain’t pretty to say the least.

8. In the future office buildings will be docked with a 9/11 tribute as a well a UFO landing pad so the aliens can show up to intergalactic business meetings.

Actually this is the national headquarters for Brazil's National Congress in Brasilia. Sure I'm sure Brasilia is a capital city where the extra terrestrials will feel at home.

Actually this is the national headquarters for Brazil’s National Congress in Brasilia. Sure I’m sure Brasilia is a capital city where the extra terrestrials will feel at home.

9. When designing this building, the architect must’ve said, “Hmmm..Roman columns in modernist design. Sure let’s go with that.”

This is the Mazda 2 Building in Tokyo, Japan or as I call it, a lousy attempt at Art Deco. Still, I think Godzilla smashing this building would improve its looks.

This is the Mazda 2 Building in Tokyo, Japan or as I call it, a lousy attempt at Art Deco. Still, I think Godzilla smashing this building would improve its looks.

10. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the world’s fanciest giant hypodermic needle.

This building is the Taipei 101 in Taiwan which was once the tallest building in the world. Still, it's meant to withstand earthquakes and typhoons for better or for worse. But you can't help but think it's probably more suitable for Las Vegas.

This building is the Taipei 101 in Taiwan which was once the tallest building in the world. Still, it’s meant to withstand earthquakes and typhoons for better or for worse. But you can’t help but think it’s probably more suitable for Las Vegas.

11. Building or spaceship crash?

Sure it's a building but it just seems like this is a spaceship that fell down to earth upside down before impact. That or a bad attempt at origami.

Sure it’s a building but it just seems like this is a spaceship that fell down to earth upside down before impact. That or a bad attempt at origami.

12. This is the grave of Ho Chi Minh which is said to evoke Vietnamese traditions such as the communal house and the lotus flower. How the two are combined in this building is unclear.

Still, while cruel observers remark on how it resembles a Greco-Roman public toilet, I think it's just a Soviet style rip off of the Parthenon. Of course, Ho Chi Minh wished to be cremated but that didn't happen.

Still, while cruel observers remark on how it resembles a Greco-Roman public toilet, I think it’s just a Soviet style rip off of the Parthenon. Of course, Ho Chi Minh wished to be cremated but that didn’t happen.

13. When you first look at Dubai’s Atlantis Hotel, you have to wonder whether the UAE city does Muslim weddings with an Elvis impersonator.

China.org remarks how it's, "an unholy architectural amalgam of Arabian Nights, 1980s TV soap "Dynasty" and a classic pink Durex." Of course, I think it's basically a sign that Dubai is well on its way to becoming the Las Vegas of the Middle East. Seriously, the hotel's architecture is totally Vegas.

China.org remarks how it’s, “an unholy architectural amalgam of Arabian Nights, 1980s TV soap “Dynasty” and a classic pink Durex.” Of course, I think it’s basically a sign that Dubai is well on its way to becoming the Las Vegas of the Middle East. Seriously, the hotel’s architecture is totally Vegas.

14. Man, seems like the Illuminati have a very elaborate headquarters from the looks of it.

Okay, I'm sorry, Kazakhstan, I didn't mean to insult your presidential palace and ministry buildings. However, the golden towers resemble beer cans and the Orda palace seems like it's the headquarters of some New World Order.

Okay, I’m sorry, Kazakhstan, I didn’t mean to insult your presidential palace and ministry buildings. However, the golden towers resemble beer cans and the Orda palace seems like it’s the headquarters for the masonic Grand Master of some New World Order.

15. Seems like this golden ball tower appears to resemble Sauron’s Tower if it was built in Rivendell.

This is the 344ft Bayterek Tower in Astana, Kazakhstan. It's an observation tower representing a popular tree holding a golden egg. Of course, the conspiracy theorists will go crazy on this one.

This is the 344ft Bayterek Tower in Astana, Kazakhstan. It’s an observation tower representing a popular tree holding a golden egg. Of course, the conspiracy theorists will go crazy on this one.

16. Abandoned Las Vegas hotel complex or President Snow’s vacation home from The Hunger Games?

Actually it's the Triumph of Astana in Kazakhstan. It was modeled after the Seven Sisters skyscrapers in Moscow. It's an hotel and office complex. However, I'm sure that it's a palace fit for any 1970s sci-fi overlord.

Actually it’s the Triumph of Astana in Kazakhstan. It was modeled after the Seven Sisters skyscrapers in Moscow. It’s an hotel and office complex. However, I’m sure that it’s a palace fit for any 1970s sci-fi overlord.

17. Man, that’s the most elaborate doughnut I’ve ever seen. I wonder if this is the world headquarters for Dunkin’ Doughnuts.

It's actually a skyscraper in Guangzhou, China. According to its architect Joseph DiPasquale, “Native Chinese landmark…inspired by the strong iconic value of jade discs and numerological tradition of feng shui, in particular, the double disc of jade (bi-disk) is the royal symbol of an ancient Chinese dynasty that reigned in this area around 2000 years ago." Yeah, but still looks like a giant sci-fi doughnut to me.

It’s actually a skyscraper in Guangzhou, China. According to its architect Joseph DiPasquale, “Native Chinese landmark…inspired by the strong iconic value of jade discs and numerological tradition of feng shui, in particular, the double disc of jade (bi-disk) is the royal symbol of an ancient Chinese dynasty that reigned in this area around 2000 years ago.” Yeah, but still looks like a giant sci-fi doughnut to me.

18. Wow, quite the rendition of Luke Skywalker’s home on Tattooine. Well, if he didn’t grow up a water farmer.

Actually that's the Brazil's National Library in Brasilia. Yeah, it doesn't really embody the country's character too well. Hey, don't ask me why Brasilia's buildings are so futuristically sterile and bland.

Actually that’s the Brazil’s National Library in Brasilia. Yeah, it doesn’t really embody the country’s character too well. Hey, don’t ask me why Brasilia’s buildings are so futuristically sterile and bland.

19. For the supervillian with the most enormous ego that money can buy, this enormous skyscraper is perfect for you.

This is the Burj al Khalifa in Dubai, the tallest building in the world. It's 2,722 ft tall with 163 floors. It's also said to have had a labor controversy in the construction. Still, it kind of embodies Dubai's excesses and is quite the eyesore.

This is the Burj al Khalifa in Dubai, the tallest building in the world. It’s 2,722 ft tall with 163 floors. It’s also said to have had a labor controversy in the construction. Still, it kind of embodies Dubai’s excesses and is quite the eyesore.

20. I give you a literal cat house.

This is a preschool in Germany which I think is subtly terrifying if you ask me. Still, kind of gives the term "cat house" a whole new meaning.

This is a preschool in Germany which I think is subtly terrifying if you ask me. Still, kind of gives the term “cat house” a whole new meaning.

21. I daresay for I didn’t know that the Soviets built ornate high rise apartments with crosses on them.

Actually this is the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels in Los Angeles, California. Look, I'm perfectly fine with modern Catholic Church architecture and I know some of these buildings are nicer on the inside. However, this is just an architectural travesty.

Actually this is the Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels in Los Angeles, California. Look, I’m perfectly fine with modern Catholic Church architecture and I know some of these buildings are nicer on the inside. However, this is just an architectural travesty.

22. Let’s hope nobody is banging on this ornate drum all day.

Yes, it's on the Guinness World Records as the biggest drum in the world. However, this is the Hefei Wanda Culture and Tourism Exhibition Center in Hefei City, east China's Anhui province. Still, seems like a little girl's palace for a sci-fi movie.

Yes, it’s on the Guinness World Records as the biggest drum in the world. However, this is the Hefei Wanda Culture and Tourism Exhibition Center in Hefei City, east China’s Anhui province. Still, seems like a little girl’s palace for a sci-fi movie.

23. Bizarre giant hypodermic needle or sci-fi tower from another planet?

This is the Oriental Pearl TV Tower in Shanghai, China. It's the tallest building in the city. It's 2,073 ft high and has 128 floors. But yes, it's quite horrendous.

This is the Oriental Pearl TV Tower in Shanghai, China. It’s the tallest building in the city. It’s 2,073 ft high and has 128 floors. But yes, it’s quite horrendous.

24. Massive Soviet style corns of the cob complex or sci-fi styled curling iron towers?

Actually these are the Marina City Towers of Chicago. Now the bottom ten floors are used for parking while the rest for condos. Still, this is quite a skysore place with barely an character.

Actually these are the Marina City Towers of Chicago. Now the bottom ten floors are used for parking while the rest for condos. Still, this is quite a skysore place with barely an character.

25. I guess this building’s architect was inspired by a pile of duct tape lying in the street and designed this.

This is the Walt Disney Concert Hall in Los Angeles, California. Of course, this was designed by Frank Gehry who tends to draw inspiration for his projects through amateur dumpster diving, it seems.

This is the Walt Disney Concert Hall in Los Angeles, California. Of course, this was designed by Frank Gehry who tends to draw inspiration for his projects through amateur dumpster diving, it seems.

26. Don’t look now, but I think there’s some giant slimy monster on the loose in this neck of the woods.

This is actually the Kunsthaus Graz in Graz, Austria. It's a contemporary art museum, which is perhaps fitting. But still resembles an alien monster from another dimension.

This is actually the Kunsthaus Graz in Graz, Austria. It’s a contemporary art museum, which is perhaps fitting. But still resembles an alien monster from another dimension.

27. I dub this building the First Church of the Nuclear Bunker which is part of the Doomsday Church of Revelation.

I hear the people of this congregation attend services wearing hats made of tin foil they think will protect them from the heathen alien invaders. Yes, they are that out there.

I hear the people of this congregation attend services wearing hats made of tin foil they think will protect them from the heathen alien invaders. Yes, they are that out there.

28. Only in China will you find a Tea museum that is designed like a massive teapot and cup.

This is the Meitan Tea Museum in the Guizhou Province which is the biggest tea producer in China. It's the largest pot of tea in the world. And you thought the Brits were tea crazy? They're tea prudes compared to the Chinese.

This is the Meitan Tea Museum in the Guizhou Province which is the biggest tea producer in China. It’s the largest pot of tea in the world. And you thought the Brits were tea crazy? They’re tea prudes compared to the Chinese.

29. Now this building seems rather fishy to me mostly because it’s a literal fish out of water.

This is the office for the National Fisheries Development in Rajendranager, Hyderabad, India. It's supposed to be a flounder. Still, I wonder how their workers feel about having to work in a giant fish every day.

This is the office for the National Fisheries Development in Rajendranager, Hyderabad, India. It’s supposed to be a flounder. Still, I wonder how their workers feel about having to work in a giant fish every day.

30. Now in South Korea, architecture is literally going down the toilet.

This is the Toilet Museum in Suwon City, South Korea so the commode shape is only fitting. It's basically a toilet theme park. Also has a lot of shitting outdoor statues. I'm not making this up.

This is the Toilet Museum in Suwon City, South Korea so the commode shape is only fitting. It’s basically a toilet theme park. Also has a lot of shitting outdoor statues. I’m not making this up.

31. I suppose this building was inspired by a pile of glass or it’s some evil overlord’s vacation home.

This is Kazakhstan's Central Concert Hall in Astana. And though I like the color, it just seems like a combination of the old Soviet style and Frank Gehry. Thus, utter crap.

This is Kazakhstan’s Central Concert Hall in Astana. And though I like the color, it just seems like a combination of the old Soviet style and Frank Gehry. Thus, utter crap.

32. Of course, I can’t think of a more appropriate home for a megachurch televangelist than this Jesus infused abode.

My mistake. This is the Mother Teresa Memorial House in Skopje, Macedonia where she was from. Yes, it's a tacky architectural disaster. Still, saint or not, Mother Teresa deserved better than this.

My mistake. This is the Mother Teresa Memorial House in Skopje, Macedonia where she was from. Yes, it’s a tacky architectural disaster. Still, saint or not, Mother Teresa deserved better than this travesty.

33. Of course, in case of a saucer landing, this is the perfect structure for the job.

This is the Theme Building at Los Angeles International Airport. Still, I'm sure the aliens would find LA quite accommodating, especially for those seeking a career in show biz.

This is the Theme Building at Los Angeles International Airport. Still, I’m sure the aliens would find LA quite accommodating, especially for those seeking a career in show biz.

34. Massive badly design camera or Star Trek villain headquarters?

This is the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis, Minnesota. It was designed by a French guy and named after an Englishmen. Still, pretty horrendous and more suited as an abode for an evil overlord.

This is the Guthrie Theater in Minneapolis, Minnesota. It was designed by a French guy and named after an Englishmen. Still, pretty horrendous and more suited as an abode for an evil overlord.

35. Behold, may I present to you the world’s largest golden golf ball of the Sun.

This is called the Matrimandir which is in Auroville, Bommayapalayam, Tamil Nadu in India. It's an edifice of spiritual significance for practitioners in integral yoga. However, to me, it's just a golden golf ball merged with EPCOT.

This is called the Matrimandir which is in Auroville, Bommayapalayam, Tamil Nadu in India. It’s an edifice of spiritual significance for practitioners in integral yoga. However, to me, it’s just a golden golf ball merged with EPCOT at Disney World.

36. When it comes to designing apartment buildings, what might look good in Legos won’t always translate well in real life.

This is a building in Amsterdam in the Netherlands. Of course, it also kind of appears as if a bunch of houses were stacked up against each other. Yet, everything doesn't seem to match.

This is a building in Amsterdam in the Netherlands. Of course, it also kind of appears as if a bunch of houses were stacked up against each other. Yet, everything doesn’t seem to match.

37. Futuristic hotel or a place that doubles as an apartment building and air traffic control tower?

This is the Genex Tower in Belgrade, Serbia which is one of the largest towers in Eastern Europe. It has two towers connected by a revolving restaurant on the top. One tower is occupied by the Genex group, the other a residential area.

This is the Genex Tower in Belgrade, Serbia which is one of the largest towers in Eastern Europe. It has two towers connected by a revolving restaurant on the top. One tower is occupied by the Genex group, the other a residential area.

38. Let me guess, this building was designed for a cell phone company. Wonder how I can guess that?

This is the Kunming City Xingyao Phone City in China. Of course, the building is actually a cell phone but certainly not one most people use today at least in the states.

This is the Kunming City Xingyao Phone City in China. Of course, the building is actually a cell phone but certainly not one most people use today at least in the states.

39. Now here we come to an abandoned nuclear power plant.

Oh, wait a minute this is the Landmark Theater in Ilfracombe, Devon in England. Still, I wonder what function do those large stacks have because they don't seem to have an purpose.

Oh, wait a minute this is the Landmark Theater in Ilfracombe, Devon in England. Still, I wonder what function do those large stacks have because they don’t seem to have an purpose.

40. Only in China could you see a large building that contains 3 scary guys in elaborate robes.

This is the Tianzi Hotel in Beijing, China. That large edifice has 3 Chinese gods that symbolize prosperity, achievement, and career happiness. Still, I'm not sure if tourists would understand since these guys seem quite terrifying.

This is the Tianzi Hotel in Beijing, China. That large edifice has 3 Chinese gods that symbolize prosperity, achievement, and career happiness. Still, I’m not sure if tourists would understand since these guys seem quite terrifying.

41. Prison or prison chapel? You decide.

This is called the Donau City Church in Vienna, Austria. It's a Catholic Church but I doubt you'd find any stain glass windows. The inside is bound to make your eyes go nuts.

This is called the Donau City Church in Vienna, Austria. It’s a Catholic Church but I doubt you’d find any stain glass windows. The inside is bound to make your eyes go nuts.

42. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Lipstick Tower.

This is the Mercury City Tower in Moscow, which is Europe's tallest building at 1,112ft. However, I'm sure it doesn't make a nice tube of lipstick because its color is terrible.

This is the Mercury City Tower in Moscow, which is Europe’s tallest building at 1,112ft. However, I’m sure it doesn’t make a nice tube of lipstick because its color is terrible.

43. Nevertheless, I call this one, the Turd Building because it looks like shit, literally.

This is the Ordos Museum in China constructed by the MAD studio. Still, why they thought it ought to be designed like a giant turd, I have no idea.

This is the Ordos Museum in China constructed by the MAD studio. Still, why they thought it ought to be designed like a giant turd, I have no idea.

44. Brutalist bank building or minimum security Soviet prison?

Sorry, my mistake. That's the Oregon State Capitol building. I know it just seems like the place you'd see Winston Smith working at in the novel 1984.

Sorry, my mistake. That’s the Oregon State Capitol building. I know it just seems like the place you’d see Winston Smith working at in the novel 1984 (which is the Ministry of Truth, by the way).

45. Since one Chrysler building wasn’t enough for Dubai, they decided to double it.This is the result.

Fortunately for New York, Dubai turned out to be a rather poor copycat in this case. Seriously, it's basically the Chrysler Building meets Las Vegas.

Fortunately for New York, Dubai turned out to be a rather poor copycat in this case. Seriously, it’s basically the Chrysler Building meets Las Vegas.

46. This is the building you get when you cross the PPG place with some evil overlord’s castle tower.

This is the Gazprom Headquarters in Moscow. Gazprom is a natural gas and oil company based in Russia as well as one of the largest in the world. So in my book, I'd say they're evil.

This is the Gazprom Headquarters in Moscow. Gazprom is a natural gas and oil company based in Russia as well as one of the largest in the world. So in my book, I’d say they’re evil.

47. Of course, the best place to learn music is at a building containing a giant piano and glass violin.

This is the Piano House in Huainan City in China which was designed by architectural students at Hefei University of Technology. It was mainly built to draw interest to the city. Even lights up at night.

This is the Piano House in Huainan City in China which was designed by architectural students at Hefei University of Technology. It was mainly built to draw interest to the city. Even lights up at night.

48. When it comes to skyscrapers, you can’t go wrong with too many green rings, right?

This is the Clal Insurance Building in Tel Aviv, Israel. Nevertheless, I'm not sure if the green rings go well with the glittery glass windows. But that's just me.

This is the Clal Insurance Building in Tel Aviv, Israel. Nevertheless, I’m not sure if the green rings go well with the glittery glass windows. But that’s just me.

49. Man, I wonder what it’s like to live in a city where the most prominent thing is a giant rocket missile.

This is the Žižkov Television Tower in Prague. What's even more horrifying besides the missile shape is that it has crawling babies on the side. Eeek!

This is the Žižkov Television Tower in Prague. What’s even more horrifying besides the missile shape is that it has crawling babies on the side. Eeek!

50. Monument for Soviet Communism or the salute to tools?

This is a monument in Pyongyang, North Korea and yes, it does have a Communist feel to it. Still, it's to be expected.

This is a monument in Pyongyang, North Korea and yes, it does have a Communist feel to it. Still, it’s to be expected.

51. I give you the Arc d’ Triumphe, well, not quite.

Actually this is a piece from Pyongyang, North Korea as well. And yes, it just seems like a combination of the Arc d' Triumphe, Stalinism, and Asian architecture which comes out horrendous.

Actually this is a piece from Pyongyang, North Korea as well. And yes, it just seems like a combination of the Arc d’ Triumphe, Stalinism, and Asian architecture which comes out horrendous.

52. You know you’ve hit the jackpot with Soviet architecture if you find a building shaped like a concrete banana.

This is the Palace of Concerts and Sports in Vilnius, Lithuania. But, yeah, it does kind of remind me of a banana for some reason. Must be the shape.

This is the Palace of Concerts and Sports in Vilnius, Lithuania. But, yeah, it does kind of remind me of a banana for some reason. Must be the shape.

53. Now I’m sure this is the perfect government headquarters for an evil totalitarian regime.

This is in Pyongyang, North Korea. However, considering that North Korea is one of the most repressive countries ever, this building is quite fitting, indeed.

This is in Pyongyang, North Korea. However, considering that North Korea is one of the most repressive countries ever, this building is quite fitting, indeed.

54.Tacky hotel in Florida or minimum security prison?

This is the Rin Grand Hotel in Bucharest, Romania, a city not known for its southwest color schemes. Seems like the designers were referencing outdated textbooks when they built this thing.

This is the Rin Grand Hotel in Bucharest, Romania, a city not known for its southwest color schemes. Seems like the designers were referencing outdated textbooks when they built this thing.

55. Now this seems like a dystopian shopping mall. Wonder what kind of clothes it would sell.

This is Seattle's Public Library in Washington state. But I'd sure not want to think that a boxy glass building would be a nice place to read.

This is Seattle’s Public Library in Washington state. But I’d sure not want to think that a boxy glass building would be a nice place to read.

56. It’s one thing to depend on the bottle. But it’s a different matter if you work in one.

This is the Wuliangye Building, Yibin in the Sichuan province in China. It's supposed to resemble a bottle of hard liquor. Sure it's in bad taste but the company is just laughing all the way to the bank by now.

This is the Wuliangye Building, Yibin in the Sichuan province in China. It’s supposed to resemble a bottle of hard liquor. Sure it’s in bad taste but the company is just laughing all the way to the bank by now.

57. Nothing makes your city well know than a large building of a giant bald head.

This is the Planetario Galileo Galilei in Buenos Aires, Argentina. I guess this was made more for function by the looks of it.

This is the Planetario Galileo Galilei in Buenos Aires, Argentina. I guess this was made more for function by the looks of it.

58. Sometimes old styles can be revived, other times not so much.

Now while a Ziggurat skyscraper may look awesome in Ancient Sumer, it doesn't go well as a skyscraper in the 21st century. Seriously, why?

Now while a Ziggurat skyscraper may look awesome in Ancient Sumer, it doesn’t go well as a skyscraper in the 21st century. Seriously, why?

59. With the bottle building, I’m sure it will go well with this bottle opener.

This is the Shanghai World Financial Center in China. And yes, it looks like a massive bottle opener, but not as ritzy as the one from Saudi Arabia.

This is the Shanghai World Financial Center in China. And yes, it looks like a massive bottle opener, but not as ritzy as the one from Saudi Arabia.

60. So I guess that UFOs exist then.

My mistake, this is the Metropolitan Circus in Astana Kazakhstan. Sorry, alien conspiracy theorist. Yet, I'm sure this certainly reminds me of a flying saucer for obvious reasons.

My mistake, this is the Metropolitan Circus in Astana Kazakhstan. Sorry, alien conspiracy theorist. Yet, I’m sure this certainly reminds me of a flying saucer for obvious reasons.

61. Now I’m sure this must be a sanctuary for aliens by the looks of it.

Actually this is a Russian Orthodox Church as far as I know. Why it's designed that way I have no idea.

Actually this is a Russian Orthodox Church as far as I know. Why it’s designed that way I have no idea.

62. Evil headquarters or dystopian stadium theater?

This is called the Karen Demirchyan Sport and Concert Complex in Armenia. But you probably think it's a cross between a Chinese temple and a Flash Gordon spacecraft.

This is called the Karen Demirchyan Sport and Concert Complex in Armenia. But you probably think it’s a cross between a Chinese temple and a Flash Gordon spacecraft.

63. Dystopian missile depot, spaceport, or airport terminal? You decide, folks.

This is the Prita Top Spa Hotel in Estonia. It's styled to look like a cruise ship but I'm not sure how that could. Doesn't resemble one to me. Either that, or the Soviet cruise ships were that ugly.

This is the Prita Top Spa Hotel in Estonia. It’s styled to look like a cruise ship but I’m not sure how that could. Doesn’t resemble one to me. Either that, or the Soviet cruise ships were that ugly.

64. Now if you’re a big fan of German Expressionist films or dystopian novels, this is the place for you.

This is the Fyodor Dostoyevsky Novogrod Theater Complex in Russia. Sure it's an old Soviet building. But it kind of reminds me of a German Expressionist version of Willy Wonka's factory.

This is the Fyodor Dostoyevsky Novogrod Theater Complex in Russia. Sure it’s an old Soviet building. But it kind of reminds me of a German Expressionist version of Willy Wonka’s factory.

65. For those ruling dystopian regimes where free speech and other rights are basically restricted, here is the palace for you.

This is the Palace of Ceremonies in Tbilisi, Georgia. It's privately owned now. But there's just something phallic about it. I can't put my finger on it.

This is the Palace of Ceremonies in Tbilisi, Georgia. It’s privately owned now. But there’s just something phallic about it. I can’t put my finger on it.

66. Nothing says architectural excellence like a building of a giant dog bowl.

This is the Palace of Creativity in Astana, Kazakhstan. It's creative all right, but as an architectural masterpiece? Not a chance. I mean it looks like a giant dog bowl.

This is the Palace of Creativity in Astana, Kazakhstan. It’s creative all right, but as an architectural masterpiece? Not a chance. I mean it looks like a giant dog bowl.

67. While not fighting the Rebel Alliance, Darth Vader likes to kick back and relax at his sparse vacation home.

Now this is the Cathedral of Saint Mary of the Assumption, which serves as headquarters for the Catholic Archdiocese of San Francisco, California. Yeah, compared to the rest of the city, it's quite plain. Still reminds me of Darth Vader's vacation home for some reason.

Now this is the Cathedral of Saint Mary of the Assumption, which serves as headquarters for the Catholic Archdiocese of San Francisco, California. Yeah, compared to the rest of the city, it’s quite plain. Still reminds me of Darth Vader’s vacation home for some reason.

68. Now this skyscraper symbolizes the opulence of Communist Russia?

This piece of Stalinist architecture is the Seven Sisters skyscraper in Moscow. It's one of those buildings that combines the ego of Josef Stalin to the glitz of Las Vegas and not in a good way.

This piece of Stalinist architecture is the Seven Sisters skyscraper in Moscow. It’s one of those buildings that combines the ego of Josef Stalin to the glitz of Las Vegas and not in a good way.

69. As for housing, these complexes would be perfect for any evil overlord henchmen.

This is St. George's Wharf in London, England. But looking at these, you wonder whether they have faces or if any bad people live in them.

This is St. George’s Wharf in London, England. But looking at these, you wonder whether they have faces or if any bad people live in them.

70. Now this building reminds me of an iceberg as well as serves as a stark reminder of climate change which does exist and it’s a problem.

This is called "The Ascent" and it's in Covington, Kentucky, probably a place most people have never heard of. And yes, it's seen as a steaming pile of shit in the architectural world.

This is called “The Ascent” and it’s in Covington, Kentucky, probably a place most people have never heard of. And yes, it’s seen as a steaming pile of shit in the architectural world.

71. Behold, the giant clocktower of doom!

This is the Palace of Culture in Warsaw, Poland. But, yes, you can totally imagine some powerful Steampunk or Sci-fi villain living there, especially one with lightning hands and giant lasers.

This is the Palace of Culture in Warsaw, Poland. But, yes, you can totally imagine some powerful Steampunk or Sci-fi villain living there, especially one with lightning hands and giant lasers.

72. When it comes to color schemes, black and white stripes aren’t the way to go.

This prison striped building in Los Angeles, California learned the hard way. Hope this wasn't in a minority neighborhood since there will be unfortunate implications there.

This prison striped building in Los Angeles, California learned the hard way. Hope this wasn’t in a minority neighborhood since there will be unfortunate implications there.

73. May I present to you a new dystopian sci-fi shopping mall.

According to Time Out, its looks are, "akin to Space Mountain built out of drab, sterile leftovers from a doctors office waiting room." Couldn't say it better myself.

According to Time Out, its looks are, “akin to Space Mountain built out of drab, sterile leftovers from a doctors office waiting room.” Couldn’t say it better myself.

74. Now we’re here to a boring office building. Wonder what can go wrong with that.

Actually this is Thomas Road Baptist Church in Lynchburg, Virginia. But to me, this seems like the offices of Jesus H. Christ Attorney at Law or some kind of county courthouse.

Actually this is Thomas Road Baptist Church in Lynchburg, Virginia. But to me, this seems like the offices of Jesus H. Christ Attorney at Law or some kind of county courthouse.

75. These aqua blue window apartments certainly add dimension with the New World Order, according to conspiracy theorists that is.

Now this is the Azure Complex in Astana Kazakhstan that resembles a hotel for a Las Vegas casino. Yes, I showed a lot of buildings from this city.

Now this is the Azure Complex in Astana Kazakhstan that resembles a hotel for a Las Vegas casino. Yes, I showed a lot of buildings from this city.

76. I dub this building the Church of Our Lady with the Side of Fries.

This is part of the denomination the American Church of Unchecked Corporate Consumerism that also venerates people like Saint Nugget, Saint Burger, Saint McRib, and Saint Diet Coke.

This is part of the denomination the American Church of Unchecked Corporate Consumerism that also venerates people like Saint Nugget, Saint Burger, Saint McRib, and Saint Diet Coke.

77. Only in Kazakhstan will you find a pyramid built after the collapse of the Soviet Union.

This is called the Palace of Peace and Reconciliation. Nevertheless, the Illuminati conspiracy theorists will sure have a field day with this one.

This is called the Palace of Peace and Reconciliation. Nevertheless, the Illuminati conspiracy theorists will sure have a field day with this one.

78. Now for those dystopian rulers with a sense of cosmopolitan style, this is the building for you.

This is Kazakhstan's Parliament building in Astana. And yes, I know it seems like it's a combination of Soviet Russia, Vegas, and Dubai for all the wrong reasons.

This is Kazakhstan’s Parliament building in Astana. And yes, I know it seems like it’s a combination of Soviet Russia, Vegas, and Dubai for all the wrong reasons.

79. When it comes to architectural styles, you can’t go wrong with a hollow kettle building.

This is the Wanda Cultural center in China. I know it looks like a hollow kettle with glass windows, but I didn't design the thing. So don't ask me.

This is the Wanda Cultural center in China. I know it looks like a hollow kettle with glass windows, but I didn’t design the thing. So don’t ask me.

80. If Noah was living today, who could bet that his ark may look like this?

This is the World Cup Hotel in Sao Paulo, Brazil. However, if there would be a flood of biblical proportions, I'm not sure if it will float let alone shelter all the animals in the world 2 by 2.

This is the World Cup Hotel in Sao Paulo, Brazil. However, if there would be a flood of biblical proportions, I’m not sure if it will float let alone shelter all the animals in the world 2 by 2.

The Wonderful World of Vintage Ads (Second Edition)

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Since I didn’t find a lot of good Easter ads (and by that I mean ones so bad they’re unintentionally as hilarious as offensive in some cases), I decided to do another edition of general vintage ads. I mean I did one a year ago and since I haven’t had many ideas lately (or at least those I haven’t acted on). Not to mention, my last general vintage ad post got 577 views and the ones I did during the holidays had sizeable turnouts as well. Nevertheless, our vintage world of advertising can tell a lot about our culture at the time as well as why there are certain restrictions on advertising nowadays. I mean those who have seen my back to school season vintage ad post know what I’m talking about. I mean seriously, before anti-smoking awareness, tobacco advertising was everywhere. And this to the point where you had back to school cigarette ads. Really. Then there’s the fact that many of these old ads were drawn by artists which leads to some of them being unintentionally creepy or inappropriate. So for your reading pleasure, here is another installment of not so nostalgic vintage advertising.

1. Spread your legs for maximum leg room in a new Pontiac Star Chief.

Pontiac Star Chief: for the male high school senior intent on losing his virginity before graduating high school, this is the car that will certainly get you laid at prom. It's maximum leg room makes consummation a cinch.

Pontiac Star Chief: for the male high school senior intent on losing his virginity before graduating high school, this is the car that will certainly get you laid at prom. It’s maximum leg room makes consummation a cinch.

2. Start revolution with Interwoven Esquire Socks that will make your kids question your fashion taste in the 1970s.

Yes, all that these guys have on are their hideous socks and their sunglasses. Still, I don't know if a group of naked men would look this comfortable around each other during a photo shoot. And you can almost see some of their butts.

Yes, all that these guys have on are their hideous socks and their sunglasses. Still, I don’t know if a group of naked men would look this comfortable around each other during a photo shoot. And you can almost see some of their butts.

3. Girls who are noticed first Go Gay. As in Go Gay Hairspray.

Now this is an ad for hair spray. However, since "gay" now refers to homosexual in our modern culture, this ad unintentionally suggests that women turn lesbians when looking for Mr. Right. Yeah, it's as stupid as it sounds.

Now this is an ad for hair spray. However, since “gay” now refers to homosexual in our modern culture, this ad unintentionally suggests that women turn lesbians when looking for Mr. Right. Yeah, it’s as stupid as it sounds.

4. Gentlemen, be strong like a man in these Hicks business slacks?

Because who needs to work out in spandex at the gym when you have khaki? Besides, I forgot my gym shorts at home so it was either these or my tidy whities.

Because who needs to work out in spandex at the gym when you have khaki? Besides, I forgot my gym shorts at home so it was either these or my tidy whiteys.

5. She was the perfect housewife but she was so busy attending to her husband’s needs that she didn’t attend to her feminine hygiene. And her husband failed to appreciate her because of this one thing.

Yes, she was everything a husband could ask her but Mr. Superficial here couldn't appreciate her because she was unable to change her period pad once in awhile during her time of the month. And her husband Mr. Superficial would trade all her assets so she could correct this.

Yes, she was everything a husband could ask her but Mr. Superficial here couldn’t appreciate her because she was unable to change her period pad once in awhile during her time of the month. And her husband Mr. Superficial would trade all her assets so she could correct this.

6. I just couldn’t accept my husband’s ring on our first anniversary because I was so ashamed of my red dishwashy hands.

Seriously, lady, either you get a dishwasher, buy rubber gloves, or stop complaining about your hands. I mean having dishwashy hands is nothing to be ashamed about at all.

Seriously, lady, either you get a dishwasher, buy rubber gloves, or stop complaining about your hands. I mean having dishwashy hands is nothing to be ashamed about at all. Besides, your husband doesn’t care how your hands look anyway.

7. “It’s no use! I won’t see him.” And then she locked herself in her room because she had a poor complexion.

Really? Bad skin? Is it just me or do women in vintage ads seem way too concerned about their looks? I mean having a poor complexion is no excuse for not seeing a guy and locking yourself in your room, which I think is crazy.

Really? Bad skin? Is it just me or do women in vintage ads seem way too concerned about their looks? I mean having a poor complexion is no excuse for not seeing a guy and locking yourself in your room, which I think is crazy.

8. As a man, I suffered from menstrual cramps, because when my wife has her period, she’s like a total bitch.

For ladies suffering from menstrual cramps, try Femicin because you know your husband doesn't want to hear you complaining about them.

For ladies suffering from menstrual cramps, try Femicin because you know your husband doesn’t want to hear you complaining about them. Doesn’t help that this guy looks like a total asshole.

9. Does my husband look younger than me? Oh, my God, will he cheat on me?

Seriously, there's nothing wrong with aging, especially if you're a woman. Yet, she seems to feel that her husband will leave her for some younger chick if he appears younger than her.

Seriously, there’s nothing wrong with aging, especially if you’re a woman. Yet, she seems to feel that her husband will leave her for some younger chick if he appears younger than her.

10. Remember, ladies, dishpan hands can kill your marriage. So use Lux.

Really? I'm sure dishpan hands aren't the reason why people's marriages end. Seriously, seems like vintage ads tend to measure a relationship's health on how well the woman abides by unrealistic beauty standards.

Really? I’m sure dishpan hands aren’t the reason why people’s marriages end. Seriously, seems like vintage ads tend to measure a relationship’s health on how well the woman abides by unrealistic beauty standards.

11. Remember, women, signs of “middle aged skin” can start at 20 and you know guys dump you over that. So use Palmolive Soap.

You know, if my boyfriend dumped me  for someone else because I had "middle aged skin," I wouldn't be crying about it to my grandma. This "Tom" guy is a superficial asshole who's not worth any woman's time.

You know, if my boyfriend dumped me for someone else because I had “middle aged skin,” I wouldn’t be crying about it to my grandma. This “Tom” guy is a superficial asshole who’s not worth any woman’s time.

12. Lady, with body hair? Now why doesn’t she shave?

Admit it, we all have body hair. Yet, only women are encouraged to get rid of it while Burt Reynolds shows his naked hairy chest in Cosmo. Seriously, the double standards have to go.

Admit it, we all have body hair. Yet, only women are encouraged to get rid of it while Burt Reynolds shows his naked hairy chest in Cosmo. Seriously, the double standards have to go.

13. Remember, your hair collects unpleasant odors.

Well, if you were in a room in which everyone is smoking cigarettes, it's no surprise why. But I don't think this ad is making the connection.

Well, if you were in a room in which everyone is smoking cigarettes, it’s no surprise why. But I don’t think this ad is making the connection.

14. “He doesn’t kiss me anymore!” Don’t worry, just switch your brand of lipstick!

I'm sure switching your lipstick to Tangee won't solve your relationship problems with your boyfriend. Seriously, I wonder what these terrible ads say about men in those days like being superficial assholes.

I’m sure switching your lipstick to Tangee won’t solve your relationship problems with your boyfriend. Seriously, I wonder what these terrible ads say about men in those days like being superficial assholes.

15. “Please, honey, don’t lock me out of your life with invisible locks!”

Of course, her marriage was falling apart due to "one intimate neglect." I suppose this has to do with "feminine hygiene" of the sanitary napkin variety.

Of course, her marriage was falling apart due to “one intimate neglect.” I suppose this has to do with “feminine hygiene” of the sanitary napkin variety.

16. Want to lose weight? Try these contraptions at a reasonable price and sweat the weight off.

Products include Frown Eradicator, Chin Reducer, Neck and Chin Reducer, Bust Reducer, and Abdominal Reducer. They also have Union Suits, jackets and support hoes. Of course, hate to see what some of these weight loss contraptions look like.

Products include Frown Eradicator, Chin Reducer, Neck and Chin Reducer, Bust Reducer, and Abdominal Reducer. They also have Union Suits, jackets and support hoes. Of course, hate to see what some of these weight loss contraptions look like.

17. Another love shipwrecked due to bad feminine hygiene. So on your next date, keep your vagina clean with Lysol.

Seriously, this is what the ad basically says because "feminine hygiene." So according to vintage ads, Lysol is great for dishes as well as the female nether regions. And in your grandparents' day, vaginal cleanliness was important.

Seriously, this is what the ad basically says because “feminine hygiene.” So according to vintage ads, Lysol is great for dishes as well as the female nether regions. And in your grandparents’ day, vaginal cleanliness was important.

18. Remember, ladies, for your vaginal and reproductive needs, use Lysol. And your husband won’t avoid your embraces.

Still, you have to applaud Lysol for managing to promote their dish washing fluid as a douche solution and contraceptive (note the mention of organic matter). And this one really is pushing the envelope here.

Still, you have to applaud Lysol for managing to promote their dish washing fluid as a douche solution and contraceptive (note the mention of organic matter). And this one really is pushing the envelope here.

19. While some airlines feature their pretty stewardesses in their ads, Eastern Airlines uses their ad space to shame those who didn’t quite make it to their impossibly high standards.

At Eastern Airlines, we want everyone to fly. But if any young woman wants to be a stewardess on our airline, then she has to be superwoman or else, we won't take her.

At Eastern Airlines, we want everyone to fly. But if any young woman wants to be a stewardess on our airline, then she has to be superwoman or else, we won’t take her.

20. Remember, ladies, gray hair can cost you your job so restore your hair color with Sage and Sulphur.

Man, this woman must work in a very superficial workplace for very superficial male bosses that treat her like eye candy. Yeah, I'm sure sulfur and sage will help restore your hair color. Yeah right.

Man, this woman must work in a very superficial workplace for very superficial male bosses that treat her like eye candy. Yeah, I’m sure sulfur and sage will help restore your hair color. Yeah right.

21. Flat chested and dateless? Get the Miracle Cream treatment, ladies to enhance your bust 1 to 3 inches.

Think of this ad as the female equivalent to any of the ads that pertain to natural male enhancement. Of course, this was probably from the 1930s when the flat chested flapper look was on its way out.

Think of this ad as the female equivalent to any of the ads that pertain to natural male enhancement. Of course, this was probably from the 1930s when the flat chested flapper look was on its way out.

22. Don’t look now, but I think the man suspects his wife may have gap osis.

And by "gaps" they mean skirt buttons here. Seriously, I'm not making this up. Seriously, I'm sure if your relationship suffers due to "gap osis" it's not you ladies, it's him.

And by “gaps” they mean skirt buttons here. Seriously, I’m not making this up. Seriously, I’m sure if your relationship suffers due to “gap osis” it’s not you ladies, it’s him.

23. Have teeth? Then preserve them with by using the ideal felt tooth polisher.

I don't know about you but I think I'm a little creeped out by the man in the moon. Seriously, he reminds me of a serial killer in this.

I don’t know about you but I think I’m a little creeped out by the man in the moon. Seriously, he reminds me of a serial killer in this.

24. Use Mustang lineament and you will be all right in a day or two and so will your horse.

I'm not sure if the woman will be all right after a day or two. For that matter, the creepy clown could've had her bound and gagged in his circus trailer.

I’m not sure if the woman will be all right after a day or two. For that matter, the creepy clown could’ve had her bound and gagged in his circus trailer.

25. Hey, kids, did you know that monkeys and raccoons make wonderful pets?

Okay, now there's a reason why we don't have pet monkeys and raccoons. For one, many monkeys are endangered and having exotic pets aren't encouraged. Also, monkeys don't like lollipops. Second, raccoons make terrible pets and many carry rabies.

Okay, now there’s a reason why we don’t have pet monkeys and raccoons. For one, many monkeys are endangered and having exotic pets aren’t encouraged. Also, monkeys don’t like lollipops. Second, raccoons make terrible pets and many carry rabies.

26. Solve your respiratory ailment with Ayer’s Chery Pectoral.

Now these children aren't cute at all. In fact, they seem like they'll haunt your nightmares if you ever give them the time of day.

Now these children aren’t cute at all. In fact, they seem like they’ll haunt your nightmares if you ever give them the time of day. Also, contains opium.

27. This child’s life may depend on the safety of Distaval.

Distaval is Thalidomide which isn't a safe drug at all. Seriously, as a drug to treat morning sickness, it was withdrawn from general use because it was found to cause severe birth defects when taken during pregnancy. And this ad is telling parents that it's safe for kids? Seriously, what the fuck?

Distaval is Thalidomide which isn’t a safe drug at all. Seriously, as a drug to treat morning sickness, it was withdrawn from general use because it was found to cause severe birth defects when taken during pregnancy. And this ad is telling parents that it’s safe for kids? Seriously, what the fuck?

28. Own a TV because it benefits your children by keeping them in line.

Then again, this ad comes from the 1950s when TV was a new thing an there were only a few channels anyway. Still, you wouldn't be saying that nowadays.

Then again, this ad comes from the 1950s when TV was a new thing an there were only a few channels anyway. Still, you wouldn’t be saying that nowadays.

29. Remember, parents, it’s never too early to get you baby started on 7UP.

Yes, set your little one up with those empty calories that will lead to tooth decay, obesity, Type II diabetes, bone loss, anxiety, sleep deprivation, heart disease, and so much more. Yeah, this picture is a perfect example of bad parenting. I mean babies should never have soft drinks, period.

Yes, set your little one up with those empty calories that will lead to tooth decay, obesity, Type II diabetes, bone loss, anxiety, sleep deprivation, heart disease, and so much more. Yeah, this picture is a perfect example of bad parenting. I mean babies should never have soft drinks, period.

30. Go to Sears for we have fashionable clothing for chubby children.

For one, how is this girl even chubby? To me, she just looks like a perfectly healthy kid who's at a normal weight So why the hell is Sears saying she's fat?

For one, how is this girl even chubby? To me, she just looks like a perfectly healthy kid who’s at a normal weight So why the hell is Sears saying she’s fat?

31. In life’s battles, nothing heals wounds like Pond’s Extract.

Sure Pond's Extract might be handy for cuts, bruises, wounds, and lacerations. However, when it comes to actual life threatening battle wounds, then you're probably shit out of luck.

Sure Pond’s Extract might be handy for cuts, bruises, wounds, and lacerations. However, when it comes to actual life threatening battle wounds, then you’re probably shit out of luck.

32. For all the lonely guys out there, snuggle up with your very own inflatable Love Maid.

Man, these inflatable sex dolls sure seemed to have quite realistic features in the 1970s. Still, it seems like she's carrying two glasses of poison on the tray for she's kind of nightmare inducing.

Man, these inflatable sex dolls sure seemed to have quite realistic features in the 1970s. Still, it seems like she’s carrying two glasses of poison on the tray for she’s kind of nightmare inducing.

33. Of course, using cuteness in ads will always equal big bucks.

Seriously, now having babies in 7UP ads is one thing. But cigarette ads? Now that's just fucked up, especially since many babies probably developed asthma due to secondhand smoke.

Seriously, now having babies in 7UP ads is one thing. But cigarette ads? Now that’s just fucked up, especially since many babies probably developed asthma due to secondhand smoke.

34. Is “Smoker’s Fag” beginning to get you? Now 90% correctable according to science.

Yeah, it is correctable. Just quit smoking for God's sake. Still, I think putting a now inflaming gay slur in this ad is quite funny.

Yeah, it is correctable. Just quit smoking for God’s sake! Still, I think putting a now inflaming gay slur in this ad is quite funny.

35. Coffee addiction hurts families everywhere unless it’s Sanka decaf.

Here's a scene in which a man's caffeine habit results in him abusing his kid and enduring sleepless nights. With Sanka his kid no longer fears him and he's a happy man again. Seriously, this is so twisted.

Here’s a scene in which a man’s caffeine habit results in him abusing his kid and enduring sleepless nights. With Sanka his kid no longer fears him and he’s a happy man again. Seriously, this is so twisted.

36. Support the troops, smoke Chesterfields with them.

Note that the nurse in the ad is actress Claudette Colbert. Still, the fact she's in a nurse's outfit freely passing out cigarettes is still kind of disconcerting since it kills about a third of its users per year.

Note that the nurse in the ad is actress Claudette Colbert. Still, the fact she’s in a nurse’s outfit freely passing out cigarettes is still kind of disconcerting since it kills about a third of its users per year.

37. Tonight’s the night. So get it on with Duraflame.

From looking at this ad, you'd think Duraflame was a drug used to treat erectile dysfunction since it also lasts for 3 hours. It's actually a company that sells logs for fireplaces. Still, since we have Viagra, this ad is unintentionally hilarious since Duraflame logs are also good for 3 hours.

From looking at this ad, you’d think Duraflame was a drug used to treat erectile dysfunction since it also lasts for 3 hours. It’s actually a company that sells logs for fireplaces. Still, since we have Viagra, this ad is unintentionally hilarious since Duraflame logs are also good for 3 hours.

38. Players Tobacco is Daddy’s favorite because it’s the tobacco that counts.

This little child has toys around him but he's only playing with his daddy's cigar. This is pretty disturbing for obvious reasons. Guess he wants to die with his lungs all filled with tar like his daddy.

This little child has toys around him but he’s only playing with his daddy’s cigar. This is pretty disturbing for obvious reasons. Guess he wants to die with his lungs all filled with tar like his daddy.

39. Just a minute, lady, don’t kill yourself over a bad hair day. Try Formula 9 Shampoo.

Hey, lady, I may have a bad hair day now and then. But even then, I never had any suicidal tendencies over it. And my hair's even more unkempt than that. But still, this is the most disturbing shampoo ad I've ever seen in my life.

Hey, lady, I may have a bad hair day now and then. But even then, I never had any suicidal tendencies over it. And my hair’s even more unkempt than that. But still, this is the most disturbing shampoo ad I’ve ever seen in my life.

40. Breathing problems? Well, why don’t you try Dr. Batty’s Asthma cigarettes?

I'm sure that this was an effective treatment for asthma just like inhaling smog and a bunch of harmful chemicals. Also, "not recommended for children under 6." I wonder why.

I’m sure that this was an effective treatment for asthma just like inhaling smog and a bunch of harmful chemicals. Also, “not recommended for children under 6.” I wonder why.

41. “Coffee is like a friend, Tiny. When you get a good one, stick to it.”

For one, the elderly captain seems to be on the cusp of dementia. Second, "Tiny" is basically a name you'd hear being called in prison. Third, seems that these guys are discussing coffee with the same seriousness as brain cancer. The captain must be losing it and the other guy feels like he needs to research maritime law and riverboat murder.

For one, the elderly captain seems to be on the cusp of dementia. Second, “Tiny” is basically a name you’d hear being called in prison. Third, seems that these guys are discussing coffee with the same seriousness as brain cancer. The captain must be losing it and the other guy feels like he needs to research maritime law and riverboat murder.

42. Choose Kellogg’s Cornflake for the horrifying nutritious breakfast.

Holy shit, seems that Kellogg's found the kid version of Steve Buscemi, starved him to the brink of death, put a suit on his skeletal frame, gave him food for the first time in 2 weeks, and made a creepy ad out of it.

Holy shit, seems that Kellogg’s found the kid version of Steve Buscemi, starved him to the brink of death, put a suit on his skeletal frame, gave him food for the first time in 2 weeks, and made a creepy ad out of it.

43. Have a loved one suffering from alcoholism. Then tell them to drink Bogg’s Tawny Port.

Even funnier is that this is a syrup that contains cocaine. Yeah, I'm sure a coke habit will cure anyone of alcoholism. Not.

Even funnier is that this is a syrup that contains cocaine. Yeah, I’m sure a coke habit will cure anyone of alcoholism. Not.

44. “When he comes home from school hungry, there’s only one way to satisfy him. And me.”

I don't know about you, but I find this Snickers ad very disturbing. I mean it seems that this mother and son relationship seems more akin to what I've seen on The Manchurian Candidate but I'm not so sure about the brainwashing. I mean look at the mom's face. She just seems so creepy.

I don’t know about you, but I find this Snickers ad very disturbing. I mean it seems that this mother and son relationship seems more akin to what I’ve seen on The Manchurian Candidate but I’m not so sure about the brainwashing. I mean look at the mom’s face. She just seems so creepy.

45. “Heavens! Buddy must have a girl…..chained to the radiator, more like it.”

Yeah, I think this little psychopath may have been the possible inspiration for Warren Zevon's "Excitable Boy.": "And he took little Suzie to the Junior Prom/Excitable boy, they all said/And he raped her and killed her, then he took her home."

Yeah, I think this little psychopath may have been the possible inspiration for Warren Zevon’s “Excitable Boy.”: “And he took little Suzie to the Junior Prom/Excitable boy, they all said/And he raped her and killed her, then he took her home.”

46. New moms, smoke Philip Morris because they can really use a break.

Let's just say smoking in front of a newborn really is one of the stupidest things you can do as a parent, other than smoking while pregnant. Yeah, baby's lungs will be full of tar before he or she knows it.

Let’s just say smoking in front of a newborn really is one of the stupidest things you can do as a parent, other than smoking while pregnant. Yeah, baby’s lungs will be full of tar before he or she knows it.

47. Log Cabin: the kind of maple syrup that will turn your kids into Children of the Corn.

Seeing these kids dead soulless eyes makes you wonder if Log Cabin Maple Syrup is just the carmelized blood of their enemies.

Seeing these kids dead soulless eyes makes you wonder if Log Cabin Maple Syrup is just the carmelized blood of their enemies.

48. Have a real roller coaster in your own backyard for $12.95.

Don't look now but I'm not sure the girl is just waiting her turn for the coaster. She seems more intent to push her brother off it, to put it lightly.

Don’t look now but I’m not sure the girl is just waiting her turn for the coaster. She seems more intent to push her brother off it, to put it lightly.

49. “A child isn’t always fibbing when he doesn’t tell the truth,” said Elsie the Borden Cow.

Seems like Elsie and her unnaturally bovine family seem to live under the constant cloud of Elmer the Bull's unquenchable anger. Seems like the cops will be here with a social worker in 10 minutes time.

Seems like Elsie and her unnaturally bovine family seem to live under the constant cloud of Elmer the Bull’s unquenchable anger. Seems like the cops will be here with a social worker in 10 minutes time.

50. Jayson Sportswear is the ultimate shirt for every occasion.

I'm sure Jerry and Larry shared a lot of intimate moments in the men's locker room as well as a passionate love that dare not speak its name.

I’m sure Jerry and Larry shared a lot of intimate moments in the men’s locker room as well as a passionate love that dare not speak its name.

51. While General Mills had the Jolly Green Giant for their frozen vegetables, Stokely’s had this kid.

Yeah, this boy's green beans are basically a side for the real main course, the Donner Party special. Seriously, this boy makes me not want to eat my vegetables ever again.

Yeah, this boy’s green beans are basically a side for the real main course, the Donner Party special. Seriously, this boy makes me not want to eat my vegetables ever again.

52. Americtex fabric is great for pajamas.

I'm sure Gary and Danny are spending a nice quiet morning at home as all so-called "roommates" do now and then.

I’m sure Gary and Danny are spending a nice quiet morning at home as all so-called “roommates” do now and then.

53. “Let the tide take her. I won’t.” Because she has a case of halitosis.

Now dumping a girl over bad breath? Really, that's something you'd see off Seinfeld. I mean how shallow can these guys get in these ads? Sure it's for Listerine but still.

Now dumping a girl over bad breath? Really, that’s something you’d see off Seinfeld. I mean how shallow can these guys get in these ads? Sure it’s for Listerine but still.

54. Universal Pajamas….styled for sleep.

And it seems that these two men are looking at some sort of brochure. Planning a vacation together I suppose? Hope people don't get the wrong idea.

And it seems that these two men are looking at some sort of brochure. Planning a vacation together I suppose? Hope people don’t get the wrong idea.

55. On business trips these days, you got to make every minute count. So that’s why O. J. Simpson chooses Hertz.

Let's hope Hertz didn't rent him that Bronco he used to try to escape the cops after killing his wife and her boyfriend. Yes, you can see why I couldn't pass this one up.

Let’s hope Hertz didn’t rent him that Bronco he used to try to escape the cops after killing his wife and her boyfriend. Yes, you can see why I couldn’t pass this one up.

56. Roy Rogers heads west on the Pennsylvania Railroad.

I don't know about you but I don't think the guy behind this ad had his head screwed on that tight when he came up with the idea of having Roy Rogers with a train between his legs. Yeah, kind of stirs many phallic notions, doesn't it?

I don’t know about you but I don’t think the guy behind this ad had his head screwed on that tight when he came up with the idea of having Roy Rogers with a train between his legs. Yeah, kind of stirs many phallic notions, doesn’t it?

57. Men, aim for sleep and comfort with these one of a kind nightshirts.

I'm sure trying to revive nightshirts in the 1970s really didn't go so well for whoever advertised this. Seriously, these guys look stupid in them, especially in a diamond pattern.

I’m sure trying to revive nightshirts in the 1970s really didn’t go so well for whoever advertised this. Seriously, these guys look stupid in them, especially in a diamond pattern. They more or less resemble hospital gowns if you ask me.

58. Ivory Soap: the kind you wash yourself with during a communal bath.

Yes, I'm sure there's nothing overtly homoerotic about this scene of naked guys congregating together to wash up. Nothing gay at all (sarcasm).

Yes, I’m sure there’s nothing overtly homoerotic about this scene of naked guys congregating together to wash up. Nothing gay at all (sarcasm).

59. Not sure if this kid is eating Franco American pasta or blood soaked entrails.

From the creepy look on this ginger freckled boy's face, it could be just about anything. Also, why does he have hotdogs beside him? Seriously, why?

From the creepy look on this ginger freckled boy’s face, it could be just about anything. Also, why does he have hotdogs beside him? Seriously, why?

60. So whatever happens in the Pacific stays in the Pacific.

Seems like the Pacific Island natives aren't pleased with the American GIs frolicking with tropical brain fever. Still, there's a lot of homoerotic subtext I can't even list here.

Seems like the Pacific Island natives aren’t pleased with the American GIs frolicking with tropical brain fever. Still, there’s a lot of homoerotic subtext I can’t even list here.

61. Ivory Soap: The kind men use during a group shower in the men’s locker room.

Okay, is that somebody's butt in the background? And is that guy just staring at his naked ass? Seriously, seems like men's showers are an awkward experience, especially in vintage ads.

Okay, is that somebody’s butt in the background? And is that guy just staring at his naked ass? Seriously, seems like men’s showers are an awkward experience, especially in vintage ads.

62. Baby’s first milestone of eating Campbell’s Soup for the first time. Mmmmmm….salt.

Of course, this might be a baby picture of a potential demon child or serial killer in the making. Seriously, it could almost be Hannibal Lecter in his infancy.

Of course, this might be a baby picture of a potential demon child or serial killer in the making. Seriously, it could almost be Hannibal Lecter in his infancy.

63. When a woman’s five, she needs love.

However, I think this girl needs something more imminent like a soul. From the look in her eyes, she's basically dead inside.

However, I think this girl needs something more imminent like a soul. From the look in her eyes, she’s basically dead inside.

64. Be really refreshed….graduate to Coke or so says the Wolf of Wall Street.

Still, this girl carrying this boy's books and Coke six pack should soon realize that he's put her in the friendzone because he needs her to do his homework for him as he goes after some prettier chick.

Still, this boy carrying this boy’s books and Coke six pack should probably stop doing the letterman a-hole’s homework and have some fun for a change.

65. Develop a child’s mind, play video games.

Yeah, now we're bombarded with how video games rot a child's brain with all the sex and violence in Grand Theft Auto which is rated M for Mature.

Yeah, now we’re bombarded with how video games rot a child’s brain with all the sex and violence in Grand Theft Auto which is rated M for Mature.

66. Bald guys, this kind of hat can help regrow your hair in just 30 days.

However, it comes with major side effects such as looking like a complete idiot in public. Seriously, guys, someone's going to think you're part of some cult with that thing on.

However, it comes with major side effects such as looking like a complete idiot in public. Seriously, guys, someone’s going to think you’re part of some cult with that thing on.

67. Moms depend on pork like kids depend on moms. Hmmm…interesting.

I'm sure they're talking about sausage variety here. I mean the kind of meat you make with a pig's muscle and entrails. Yeah, I'm sure the other kind is what dads are for.

I’m sure they’re talking about sausage variety here. I mean the kind of meat you make with a pig’s muscle and entrails. Yeah, I’m sure the other kind is what dads are for.

68. The best things in life come from cellophane.

Maybe, but I'm sure that wrapping your baby in one isn't great parenting advice. I mean it's bound to suffocate them which makes the ad ever more disturbing.

Maybe, but I’m sure that wrapping your baby in one isn’t great parenting advice. I mean it’s bound to suffocate them which makes the ad ever more disturbing.

69. No kid loves anything more than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch.

I don't know about this girl. She seems less excited for a PB&J and more consumed with bloodlust and murder. Stay away from her at your own risk.

I don’t know about this girl. She seems less excited for a PB&J and more consumed with bloodlust and murder. Stay away from her at your own risk.

70. Make every morning a Smirnoff morning.

I don't know about you, but I don't think having a cigarette and vodka for breakfast is a good sign. Rather I think if you can't go without a drink before 5 pm, you probably have a drinking problem.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t think having a cigarette and vodka for breakfast is a good sign. Rather I think if you can’t go without a drink before 5 pm, you probably have a drinking problem.

Never Judge a Book By Its Cover- Well, Most of the Time (Third Edition)

Since I did my two posts on book covers, I could never imagine they would yield me 3,322 views and 266 views respectively. Whether it be books with strange titles and inappropriate cover images or what not, some of the strangest stuff out there somehow gets published. Of course, with some of these covers, you have to wonder whether it’s coming from a vanity publisher that takes anything for a fee, is self-published, or what the hell are these publishers thinking. And if they’re classics, well, when you take a peek at some noticeably inappropriate cover designs, you might want to scratch your head wondering whether they actually read the book or know what the whole story is all about. Then there are some books out there with cover images that might tell you to stay the hell away from the book if your life depends on it. I mean a book suggesting a romance between a woman and a horse may incite readers for the wrong reasons since the concept is just so wrong. So without further adieu, here are some more questionable book cover choices for your reading pleasure. Seriously, you have to see these.

1. Stand Your Ground: The Biblical Foundation for Self-Defense by Steve Jones

Because no old lady with sunglasses should ever leave her home without her Holy Bible and handgun. Sure there's the thing with "turn the other cheek" but for God's sake, this is America, goddammit!

Because no old lady with sunglasses should ever leave her home without her Holy Bible and handgun. Sure there’s the thing with “turn the other cheek” but for God’s sake, this is America, goddammit!

Includes a forward by George Zimmerman.

2. Praise God From Whom All Blessings Flow by D. T. Hobbs

If it wasn't for the title, you wouldn't think it had anything Christian about it. Seriously, when you see pictures of beaches, pools, and sea front stores, do you think of Jesus? No, you think about going on vacation.

If it wasn’t for the title, you wouldn’t think it had anything Christian about it. Seriously, when you see pictures of beaches, pools, and sea front stores, do you think of Jesus? No, you think about going on vacation.

Man, this Christian devotional sure has a great cover image of pools and beach fronts.

3. Melanie’s Marvelous Measles by Stephanie Messenger

And I thought a children's book promoting open carry was bad. This is just seriously fucking insane! I mean there's nothing awesome getting measles whatsoever! For the love of God, vaccinate your kids! I mean if you're so worried about your kid having Autism that you're willing to expose them to potentially fatal childhood diseases, there's just something fucking wrong with you. I'm sorry, but I'd rather have an Autistic child than a dead child. Seriously, Autism isn't nearly as bad as having measles.

And I thought a children’s book promoting open carry was bad. This is just seriously fucking insane! I mean there’s nothing awesome getting measles whatsoever! For the love of God, vaccinate your kids! I mean if you’re so worried about your kid having Autism that you’re willing to expose them to potentially fatal childhood diseases, there’s just something fucking wrong with you! I’m sorry, but I’d rather have an Autistic child than a dead child. Seriously, Autism isn’t nearly as bad as having measles.

Or the kind of children’s book for the anti-vaxxer parent to tell their kids, “Enjoy getting measles, kiddos, which might kill you and leave you blind. But, hey, at least you won’t get Autism, which is caused by vaccination”

4. Demonectomy by Dennis Melton

This would've come in handy in a lot horror movies that involves demon possession. And it seems like this guy really needs it. By the way, the guy has his own website all about it.

This would’ve come in handy in a lot horror movies that involves demon possession. And it seems like this guy really needs it. By the way, the guy has his own website all about it.

Finally, book to teach you how to perform your own exorcisms.

5. But…You’re a Horse by David Bussell

Now this bestiality romance novel seems to give the notion of "horseplay" a whole new meaning. Even freakier is that the horse has human hands and might've had some Minotaur style conception story.

Now this bestiality romance novel seems to give the notion of “horseplay” a whole new meaning. Even freakier is that the horse has human hands and might’ve had some Minotaur style conception story.

Charity’s and Sugarloaf’s forbidden love was a real hay ride that could never be tamed in the stable.

6. Herovit’s World by Barry N. Malzberg

Of course, these sci-fi covers can be pretty trippy. Still, I'm not sure whether I'm more surprised with a maneating typewriter on it or just a typewriter. Then again, it seems to come from the 1980s.

Of course, these sci-fi covers can be pretty trippy. Still, I’m not sure whether I’m more surprised with a maneating typewriter on it or just a typewriter. Then again, it seems to come from the 1980s.

Man, I had no idea that we’ll have man eating typewriters in the future.

7. My Best Meat Recipes

From that woman's face, I'd rather pass the chance of having dinner with her. Her expression reads she might have you in mind as a main course.

From that woman’s face, I’d rather pass the chance of having dinner with her. Her expression reads she might have you in mind as a main course.

Finally, a perfect companion for The Art of Fine Dining by Dr. Hannibal Lecter.

8. A Song for Lya and Other Stories by George R. R. Martin

Man, I'd hate to want to know what all the sky of mouths is all about. Must be a trippy sight even for Westeros and kind of scary, too. Maybe Game of Thrones is a step better than this, at least according to the covers.

Man, I’d hate to want to know what all the sky of mouths is all about. Must be a trippy sight even for Westeros and kind of scary, too. Maybe Game of Thrones is a step better than this, at least according to the covers.

From the author of the fantasy series that brings you great characters before killing them, here is his collection of science fiction stories from the 1980s.

9. Bounce the Balls & They Will Come by Betty Wiseman

Now while this might be the kind of inspirational story Bible Belt Christians know and love in their saccharine media stories, the title is just so hard to make me take this book seriously.

Now while this might be the kind of inspirational story Bible Belt Christians know and love in their saccharine media stories, the title is just so hard to make me take this book seriously.

Finally, a perfect Christian sports devotional for one’s basketball loving nephew who will be so disappointed after opening it.

10. Experiencing Bible Science: A Lab Book for the Young at Heart by Louise Barrett Derr

Actually my mistake. It's actually a "science" activity book catered to 10-14 year olds. The fact it probably advocates creationism. As a Catholic who believes that God created the universe, world, and life over billions of years and through His great miracle of evolution by natural selection, this book is pseudoscientific bullshit at best.

Actually my mistake. It’s actually a “science” activity book catered to 10-14 year olds. The fact it probably advocates creationism isn’t a surprise. As a Catholic I believe that God created the universe, world, and life over billions of years and through His great miracles of evolution by natural selection and the Big Bang. This book is pseudoscientific bullshit at best.

Basically, this seems like the kind of science lab textbooks you’d see at Bob Jones University.

11. Precious Princess Bible

Basically this company thinks that put a pink cover with sparkles on it and girls will instantly buy. Nevertheless, at least there are some great female heroes in this like Jael who got a guy drunk and drove a tent peg in his head.

Basically this company thinks that put a pink cover with sparkles on it and girls will instantly buy. Nevertheless, at least there are some great female heroes in this like Jael who got a guy drunk and drove a tent peg in his head.

Just like a regular Bible, but with the kind of cover suitable for young girls.

12. Saving Marriage by Applying Biblical Wisdom by Drs. Trevor and Edith Fraser

Seriously, having a fist is basically the last thing you want on a cover pertaining to saving your marriage. It kind of gives the idea that you advocate spousal abuse as a viable solution, which it certainly is not.

Seriously, having a fist is basically the last thing you want on a cover pertaining to saving your marriage. It kind of gives the idea that you advocate spousal abuse as a viable solution, which it certainly is not.

Uh, I’m not sure depicting a fist was a great cover choice for this one. You don’t want to get the wrong idea.

13. I Sing the Body Electric by Ray Bradbury

Man, that seems like a cross between a centaur with humans on his hands that resemble him. Now this makes me wonder if Ray Bradbury was on some psychedelic drugs when he thought this would make a great idea for a cover.

Man, that seems like a cross between a centaur with humans on his hands that resemble him. Now this makes me wonder if Ray Bradbury was on some psychedelic drugs when he thought this would make a great idea for a cover.

Don’t get me wrong, this is supposed to be a great book. However, I think Bradbury’s cover designer got a little carried away with the photoshop on this one.

14. Junkie: Confessions of an Unredeemed Addict by William Lee (William S. Burroughs)

Now this is a book by William S. Burroughs that focuses on his life as a heroin user and dealer during the 1940s. However, the cover seems like some bad shit's about to go down.

Now this is a book by William S. Burroughs that focuses on his life as a heroin user and dealer during the 1940s. However, the cover seems like some bad shit’s about to go down.

By looking at the cover, I can’t tell whether this is an intervention, drug pushing, murder, or sexual assault.

15. Bread Sculpture: The Edible Art by Ann Wiseman

Now this book has a wide range of bread sculptures in it such as the ladybugs and dinosaurs. However, there are also ones that involve naked people which are just so disturbing. And they even have pubes, yes, bread pubes. Not to mention, it gives the word "doughnut" a whole new meaning.

Now this book has a wide range of bread sculptures in it such as the ladybugs and dinosaurs. However, there are also ones that involve naked people which are just so disturbing. And they even have pubes, yes, bread pubes. Not to mention, it gives the word “doughnut” a whole new meaning.

For those who love erotica and hot crossed buns, this book is for you.

16. “Help Lord – the Devil Wants Me Fat!” by C. S. Lovett

As if dieting books were already bad enough when it comes to fat shaming. This book basically says that overeating and obesity are the work of Satan. And that the only way to lose weight is to stop eating for several days and spend mealtimes away from your family. Seriously.

As if dieting books were already bad enough when it comes to fat shaming. This book basically says that overeating and obesity are the work of Satan. And that the only way to lose weight is to stop eating for several days and spend mealtimes away from your family. Seriously.

Now you can trim your way to a healthy body through the Lord.

17. If the Devil Made You Do It, You Blew It! (But It Doesn’t Need to Happen Again) by Lorraine Peterson

Yes, this is a teen devotional with it's cheesy mandatory diversity photo from the 1980s. However, I suggest a picture of the temptation of Faust by Mephistopheles would be far more appropriate than this.

Yes, this is a teen devotional with it’s cheesy mandatory diversity photo from the 1980s. However, I suggest a picture of the temptation of Faust by Mephistopheles would be far more appropriate than this.

Now if you had the word, “Devil” on the cover, I’m not sure having a stock photo with happy diverse kids is an appropriate cover image.

18. Die You Doughnut Bastards by Cameron Pierce

Excerpt from Amazon. com: "The bacon storm is rolling in. We hear the grease and sugar beat against the roof and windows. The doughnut people are attacking. We press close together, forgetting for a moment that we hate each other." Still, I'm sure seeing zombie doughnuts on the cover may remind some people of their horrible acid trip at the Dunkin' Doughnuts.

Excerpt from Amazon. com: “The bacon storm is rolling in. We hear the grease and sugar beat against the roof and windows. The doughnut people are attacking. We press close together, forgetting for a moment that we hate each other.” Still, I’m sure seeing zombie doughnuts on the cover may remind some people of their horrible acid trip at Krispy Kreme.

Of course, this book might scare you out staying clear from Dunkin’ Doughnuts from now on.

19. Eight Men and a Lady by Elizabeth Sinclair

I'm sure looking at all the guys' hats on the cover you might be expecting an orgy with Snow White, the Prince, and the seven dwarfs. Please, I don't want to imagine it.

I’m sure looking at all the guys’ hats on the cover you might be expecting an orgy with Snow White, the Prince, and the seven dwarfs. Please, I don’t want to imagine it.

Seems to go on the same story line as “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” but with far more sex.

20. Daggers of Darkness by Steve Jackson and Joe Livingstone

Now this looks dangerous. Doesn't help that he has a nasty weapon that could rip his eye out. But I'm not sure if the cover artist cared.

Now this looks dangerous. Doesn’t help that he has a nasty mace that could rip his eye out. But I’m not sure if the cover artist cared.

Because nothing draws in adolescent boys than a bald guy waterskiing on his sabertooth tigers with his hawk friend.

21. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Yeah, Mr. Darcy sure is dangerous all right (sarcasm). Still, Darcy's actually all right once you get to know him. Nevertheless, it's kind of funny he looks like Colin Firth in this. Yet, the real bad boy in this is actually George Wickam.

Yeah, Mr. Darcy sure is dangerous all right (sarcasm). Still, Darcy’s actually all right once you get to know him. But I’m not sure why this cover should depict him as a young Colin Firth with chest hair.  Not sure if I want to see his Fitzwilliam.

Parents, lock your daughters, for bad boy Mr. Darcy is in town!

22. King Arthur’s Knights by Henry Gilbert

Seriously, how can someone mistake a couple of Indian horsemen as King Arthur's knights. For God's sake, King Arthur is a medieval English king! He may not be real but, still. These two guys look like they're in the service of Geronimo.

Seriously, how can someone mistake a couple of Indian horsemen as King Arthur’s knights. For God’s sake, King Arthur is a medieval English king! He may not be real but, still. These two guys look like they’re in the service of Geronimo.

No, I’m sure Medieval England didn’t look like a New Mexican desert.

23. The Lost Princess of Oz by L. Frank Baum

This woman is Emily Bronte who's best known for writing Wuthering Heights during the early Victorian Era of the 19th century. She died of tuberculosis at 30 in 1848, which was 8 years before L. Frank Baum was even born. So her presence on an Oz book doesn't make any damn sense.

This woman is Charlotte Bronte who’s best known for writing Jane Eyre during the early Victorian Era of the 19th century. She died of at 38 in 1855 while pregnant, which was the year before L. Frank Baum was even born. So her presence on an Oz book doesn’t make any damn sense.

For the love of God what the hell is a Bronte sister doing on an Oz book cover?

24. Saturday Morning Mind Control by Phil Phillips

Now this book is certainly for Christian audiences that says the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are a cult while the Care Bears are about non Christian attitudes and beliefs. Yes, Saturday morning cartoons are brainwashing our children as we speak! That doesn't even mention that watching Casper and the Smurfs will prepare kids for the occult. Nevertheless, this book is written by a guy who really doesn't know what he's talking about.

Now this book is certainly for Christian audiences that says the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are a cult while the Care Bears are about non Christian attitudes and beliefs. Yes, Saturday morning cartoons are brainwashing our children as we speak! That doesn’t even mention that watching Casper and the Smurfs will prepare kids for the occult. Nevertheless, this book is written by a guy who really doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

Remember, parents, don’t let your kids watch Saturday morning cartoons or else Raphael from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will zap them through the TV with his cosmic rays.

25. All That the Rain Promises and More…: A Hip Pocket Guide to Western Mushrooms by Dave Arora

Yeah, I think this trombonist seems like he wants to poison somebody. Maybe it's the concert master for disappointing him that the his instrument doesn't get the melody part in "Seventy-Six Trombones."

Yeah, I think this trombonist seems like he wants to poison somebody. Maybe it’s the concert master for disappointing him that the his instrument doesn’t get the melody part in “Seventy-Six Trombones.”

I don’t know about you but from the look at the guy’s face, I’m not sure if I want to eat that.

26. Life and Public Services of John Quincy Adams by William H. Seward

Now this is a book about the 6th President of the United States who also had an illustrious political career. And it was written by William Seward who was Lincoln's Secretary of State responsible for buying Alaska. So why the hell are there moai statues on the cover? They're in South America, goddammit!

Now this is a book about the 6th President of the United States who also had an illustrious political career. And it was written by William Seward who was Lincoln’s Secretary of State responsible for buying Alaska. So why the hell are there moai statues on the cover? They’re in South America, goddammit!

Since what do the moai statues in Easter Island have anything to do with the life of John Quincy Adams?

27. Wrestling for Gay Guys by Donald Black

Okay, that looks kind of gay. Then again, after watching Foxcatcher, you wonder if wrestling is such a manly sport that the movie might have some homoerotic undertones.

Okay, that looks kind of gay. Then again, after watching Foxcatcher, you wonder if wrestling is such a manly sport that the movie might have some homoerotic undertones.

Finally a book for all the gay wrestlers out there.

28. In the Heart of Africa by Sir Samuel White Baker

Now even if you haven't read this or even heard of this book, anyone who knows the slightest bit about Africa should know that it doesn't look like the freaking Himalayas.

Now even if you haven’t read this or even heard of this book, anyone who knows the slightest bit about Africa should know that it doesn’t look like the freaking Himalayas.

I don’t remember reading about Africa and hearing about its snowcapped peaks and Mongol hordes, not to be critical.

29. Wessex Tales by Thomas Hardy

What's even more disturbing is that this image might be taken off from Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. Now I'd wonder what Thomas Hardy would've thought of "Sweet Child of Mine."

What’s even more disturbing is that this image might be taken off from Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. Now I’d wonder what 19th century Victorian author Thomas Hardy would’ve thought of “Sweet Child of Mine.”

No, this isn’t a book about Slash. Sorry, Guns n’ Roses fans.

30. Moll Flanders by Daniel Defoe

Now Moll Flanders is the kind of book you'd want your daughter to read if she's younger than 12 so to speak. I mean Moll Flanders is a con woman who's married 5 times, has a kid with her brother, abandons her kids, and other things. Definitely not a role model for your daughter.

Now Moll Flanders is the kind of book you’d want your daughter to read if she’s younger than 12 so to speak. I mean Moll Flanders is a con woman and a prostitute who’s married 5 times, sleeps with her brother, abandons her kids, and other things. Definitely not a role model for your daughter.

I’m sorry but I’m sure Daniel Defoe’s heroine wasn’t a Viking warrior princess.

31. Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle

Seriously, androids didn't exist in the late 19th century. And this guy doesn't even seem dressed as a Victorian. So why he's on the cover of a Sherlock Holmes book just beats me.

Seriously, androids didn’t exist in the late 19th century. And this guy doesn’t even seem dressed as a Victorian. So why he’s on the cover of a Sherlock Holmes book just beats me.

Hey, Sherlock Holmes wasn’t an android? Does this guy think there’s a story called “The Search for the Missing Terminator”?

32. Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson

Now Treasure Island takes place in the 17th century during the Golden Age of Piracy. Sure it's not really an accurate piece about pirates since they didn't bury treasure. However, Stevenson makes no mention of bicycles in the text, which weren't invented until the late 19th century. By then, Stevenson was dead.

Now Treasure Island takes place in the 17th century during the Golden Age of Piracy. Sure it’s not really an accurate piece about pirates since they didn’t bury treasure. However, Stevenson makes no mention of bicycles in the text, which weren’t invented until the late 19th century. By then, Stevenson was dead.

There’s supposed to be a ship on the cover not of two people cycling in the rain for God’s sake!

33. Ass Goblins of Auschwitz by Cameron Pierce

Now despite the creature being as creepy as hell, this book is hard to take seriously once you see the word, "ass" in the title. I mean ass goblins, seriously?

Now despite the creature being as creepy as hell, this book is hard to take seriously once you see the word, “ass” in the title. I mean ass goblins, seriously?

Nazi goblins with the chests of a human posterior. Must’ve been written on drugs.

34. Merlin’s Ring by H. Warner Munn

Of course, you probably don't want to run into these animals in the park anytime soon. Swans are quite mean but a fire breathing one? Yeah, only cool for awhile until they're coming after you.

Of course, you probably don’t want to run into these animals in the park anytime soon. Swans are quite mean but a fire breathing one? Yeah, only cool for awhile until they’re coming after you.

Now a fire breathing dragon is one thing. A fire breathing swan? Don’t know what to think of that.

35. Joined at Birth: The Lives of Cojoined Twins by Elaine Landau

Yes, cojoined twins are out there and I'm sure there's nothing horrifying about this book. But the cover, maybe you'd wonder whether they should've hired a different illustrator.

Yes, cojoined twins are out there and I’m sure there’s nothing horrifying about this book. But the cover, maybe you’d wonder whether they should’ve hired a different illustrator.

Now I know we should accept cojoined twins but still, this cover is creepy.

36. The Right to Arm Bears by Gordon R. Dickson

Man, maybe we should e-mail our congressmen to increase funding for the National Park Service. I really have a bad feeling about the Grizzly uprising against campers in the western National Parks.

Man, maybe we should e-mail our congressmen to increase funding for the National Park Service. I really have a bad feeling about the Grizzly uprising against campers in the western National Parks come tourist season.

Look out, all you hikers out there, Sergeant Grizz is going commando. Give him all your food or else he’d nail you with his AK-47.

37. Nights of the Living Hell by Deborah Barton

Now that kind of looks like the covered bridge near where I live. And I don't remember it having fangs and red eyes, which are obviously drawn for the cover.

Now that kind of looks like the covered bridge near where I live. And I don’t remember it having fangs and red eyes, which are obviously drawn for the cover.

Seems like this Covered Bridge of Death is hungry for cars and pedestrians.

38.The Nuclear War Fun Book

Includes ideas for games like Mark the Mutant, Connect the Craters, Radioactive Tag, and Body Count. Has a History Mystery Quiz and Paper Doll Nuclear Wardrobe. Also includes tips for a fallout shelter library and pharmacy. Yes, this is the book for your kids to do while their whole world is incinerated by a nuclear apocalypse.

Includes ideas for games like Mark the Mutant, Connect the Craters, Radioactive Tag, and Body Count. Has a History Mystery Quiz and Paper Doll Nuclear Wardrobe. Also includes tips for a fallout shelter library and pharmacy. Yes, this is the book for your kids to do while their whole world is incinerated by a nuclear apocalypse.

In case your kids get bored during the upcoming nuclear holocaust, this is the educational activity book for them.

39. Tales of Chinatown by Sax Rohmer

This is mad King Ludwig II's fairytale Neuschwanstein Castle in Southwest Bavaria, Germany. There is absolutely nothing Chinese about this very European structure. So putting a cover on a book about Chinatown absolutely makes no sense whatsoever.

This is mad King Ludwig II’s fairytale Neuschwanstein Castle in Southwest Bavaria, Germany. There is absolutely nothing Chinese about this very European structure. So putting a cover on a book about Chinatown absolutely makes no sense whatsoever.

Hey, that doesn’t look anything like Chinese architecture. Seems like Rohmer’s Yellow Peril stereotypes based on wild misinformation.

40. Gladiator At-Law by Frederick Pohl and C. M. Kornbluth

And here is the guy on the computer with his shirt ripped who can't watch. But from how I see it, it seems way lamer than The Hunger Games.

And here is the guy on the computer with his shirt ripped who can’t watch. But from how I see it, it seems way lamer than The Hunger Games.

Nothing says science fiction like scantily clad guys fighting each other to the death with lightsabers.

41. How to Land a Top Paying Pierogie Maker’s Job by Ashley McFadden

Now if it wasn't for the title, I would've saw it as a book on how to get a job. Seriously, it just looks so generic, it could be about anything. At least a pierogie picture would've made sense.

Now if it wasn’t for the title, I would’ve saw it as a book on how to get a job. Seriously, it just looks so generic, it could be about anything. At least a pierogie picture would’ve made sense.

Now if you have a book about being a pierogie maker, shouldn’t there be a pierogie on the cover? Just saying.

42. Black Redneck vs. Space Zombies by Steven Roy

"Say hello, to my lady Sweet Lorraine, you motherfuckers." Black redneck cowboy firing his pistol at space zombies. Now I've seen everything.

“Say hello, to my lady Sweet Lorraine, you motherfuckers.” Black redneck cowboy firing his pistol at space zombies. Now I’ve seen everything.

Now it seems only D’Angelo “Tex” Wallace can only save the day from the savage zombie apocalypse from outer space.

43. Rodent Mutation by Bron Lee

Man, didn't these people know that beavers are actually vegetarians, not man eating monsters. Still, other than its size, the giant beavers don't seem that scary at all. I mean what's the worst they could do? Build a dam?

Man, didn’t these people know that beavers are actually vegetarians, not man eating monsters. Still, other than its size, the giant beavers don’t seem that scary at all. I mean what’s the worst they could do? Build a dam?

Ahh! There are giant beavers in the woods! Run for your lives!

44. To Your Scattered Bodies Go by Philip Jose Farmer

Now I don't know what's creepier about the cover: the naked man with the strategically placed award sticker or the guy on the floating platform with the top hat and cane.

Now I don’t know what’s creepier about the cover: the naked man with the strategically placed award sticker or the guy on the floating platform with the top hat and cane.

Now that’s a strategically placed award sticker. Right on his crotch.

45. Han Solo’s Revenge by Brian Daley

Han Solo may always shoot first. But it appears that Chewie might be out for blood by the expression his face and how he's holding his gun.

Han Solo may always shoot first. But it appears that Chewie might be out for blood by the expression his face and how he’s holding his gun.

More like Chewbacca’s Revenge to me.

46. Stress Pattern by Neal Barrett Jr.

From the description, it's said the phallic thing is actually called a "worm way" which is a subway in this book's bizarre universe. Also, seems one the humans is wearing a tin hat to keep safe from the aliens.

From the description, it’s said the phallic thing is actually called a “worm way” which is a subway in this book’s bizarre universe. Also, seems one the humans is wearing a tin hat to keep safe from the aliens.

Wonder if that stress pattern is a sci-fi novel about erectile dysfunction.

47. The M. D. She Had to Marry by Christine Rimmer

Seems like nothing says romance than having to marry a sexy doctor in a shotgun wedding after he knocked you up after a one night stand. Of course, it's a fantasy.

Seems like nothing says romance than having to marry a sexy doctor in a shotgun wedding after he knocked you up after a one night stand. Of course, it’s a fantasy.

The baby with the engagement ring is a clear strangulation hazard.

48. Timepivot by Brian N. Ball

Art must've been inspired by Dali, Magritte, or brown acid. Seems like the Galactic Federation has some explaining to do.

Art must’ve been inspired by Dali, Magritte, or brown acid. Seems like the Galactic Federation has some explaining to do.

Seems like this beach beauty is all ear and nose. Also, what’s with the floating eyeball?

49. Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe

Okay, seems like these two may be on a deserted island. But I don't see how this nude rape scene has anything to do with being stranded on a deserted island that doesn't seem to have any women around.

Okay, seems like these two may be on a deserted island. But I don’t see how this nude rape scene has anything to do with being stranded on a deserted island that doesn’t seem to have any women around.

I haven’t read the book but I’m sure that there aren’t any white women in this book, let alone rape.

50. Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

Sorry, all you raging hormonal adolescent boys out there, but this isn't a book about a courageous nude saving a bunch of bodacious babes from Martian cities.

Sorry, all you raging hormonal adolescent boys out there, but this isn’t a book about a courageous nude saving a bunch of bodacious babes from Martian cities.

Now this is a book pertaining to an alleged utopian society where people’s social roles are determined while they’re test tube babies. But you wouldn’t know it by the cover.

51. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

Then again, Frankenstein's Monster on this cover seems to have an emo thing going on. Maybe he should stop worrying about trying to win Victor's love and join a hair metal band.

Then again, Frankenstein’s Monster on this cover seems to have an emo thing going on. Maybe he should stop worrying about trying to win Victor’s love and join a hair metal band.

It’s one thing to be a hideous monster revived by dead tissue and electricity. But how did Frankenstein’s monster manage to find a hair stylist who would take him?

52. Where’s the Poop? by Julie Markes and illustrated by Kathleen Susan Hartung

Then again, children do poop so there's no excuse not to write a children's book about it. Of course, we all know that the animals see no need of indoor plumbing and flush toilets.

Then again, children do poop so there’s no excuse not to write a children’s book about it. Of course, we all know that the animals see no need of indoor plumbing and flush toilets.

Now we all can guess that, at least when it comes to people.

53. West of January by Dave Duncan

Now I know that Orcas are among the Oceans' top predators, they're also seen as adorable animals which makes this cover hard to take seriously.

Now I know that Orcas are among the Oceans’ top predators, they’re also seen as adorable animals which makes this cover hard to take seriously.

Some near nude guys surf on tigers, others on killer whales.

54. The Far Arena by Richard Ben Sapir

Now I'm sure the naked gladiator is totally shitting himself right as he sees the large mysterious flying object in the sky that resembles no bird he's ever seen.

Now I’m sure the naked gladiator is totally shitting himself right as he sees the large mysterious flying object in the sky that resembles no bird he’s ever seen.

Can anyone tell me why there’s a large jet aircraft flying over ancient Rome?

55. Strip Mauled edited by Esther Friesner

I'm sure Mr. Werewolf and Ms. Vampire wouldn't act so polite while at tea. Also, I wonder why the vampire lady is dressed like she has a second job at the ye Olde Transylvania strip club.

I’m sure Mr. Werewolf and Ms. Vampire wouldn’t act so polite while at tea. Also, I wonder why the vampire lady is dressed like she has a second job at the ye Olde Transylvania strip club.

Who figured that on a night like this all your fantasy horror creatures would have a midnight tea social?

56. Slave Ship by Frederik Pohl

Of course, I'm not sure why an orangutan and a seal are in the picture either. Still, seems like this guy is listening to his CD while giving the animals directions. Hardly a situation in humans in chattel.

Of course, I’m not sure why an orangutan and a seal are in the picture either. Still, seems like this guy is listening to his CD while giving the animals directions. Hardly a situation in humans in chattel.

Well, being on a slave ship doesn’t seem that bad if there’s a puppy involved.

57. The Gay Old Boys of Yale! A Book of Wit and Humor: Showing the Scrapes and Escapes of College Life (1869) by John Denison Vose

Even funnier is that it was published by Kissinger Legacy Reprints. Then again, Henry Kissinger was a Harvard man so why his name be on the cover of a Yale book is anyone's guess.

Guess the only gay action in this book involves rich guys randomly hooking up with each other after a boozy fest at their frats. I’m sure 1869 would have no shortage of that. Then again, the title is still pretty funny.

Too bad this volume of the Gay Old Boys of Yale doesn’t include Cole Porter who often pops into my mind when I hear about LGBT Yale alumni.

58. The Pocket Book of Boners: An Omnibus of School Boy Howlers and Unconscious Humor illustrated by Dr. Seuss

Of course, when this title referred to "boners" I'm sure they didn't mean "erections" but I'm sure no adolescent school boy wouldn't want to have one during class.

Of course, when this title referred to “boners” I’m sure they didn’t mean “erections” but I’m sure no adolescent school boy wouldn’t want to have one during class.

“Boners,” “unconscious humor” I wonder what dirty stuff that would entail?

59. Images You Should Not Masturbate To

Still, I don't know why anyone would jerk off to a naked old guy wielding an ax on the water. I don't see how such an image can turn anyone on in any way.

Still, I don’t know why anyone would jerk off to a naked old guy wielding an ax on the water. I don’t see how such an image can turn anyone on in any way.

Yes, that would be an image nobody should masturbate to. I think we can all agree on that.

60. Make Your Own Sex Toys

However, if you chose to make a wooden dildo, remember that there's a chance for splinters if you don't varnish them. Seriously, I'd hate to see the stuff they make in this one.

However, if you chose to make a wooden dildo, remember that there’s a chance for splinters if you don’t varnish them. Seriously, I’d hate to see the stuff they make in this one.

Because why go and buy expensive sex toys at the naughty shop when you can make your own?

College Mascots: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (Second Edition)

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Of course, another big event around this time of year other than Easter and Saint Patrick’s day is March Madness. Namely this is the time of year when the best NCAA Division I basketball teams across the United States play in the NCAA Tournament. Meanwhile fans across the nation complete their brackets and predict which team will win. Of course, owing that women’s sports don’t get much airtime (rampant sexism that even Title IX can’t remedy), March Madness usually revolves around the men’s teams. However, we’re also flooded by news reports on how college sports are such a big cash cow which profit the colleges and coaches while the players receive absolutely no compensation as pawns since they’re student athletes. Nevertheless, I used this occasion to challenge myself to find 75 more abhorrent college mascots across the land after my last college mascot post. Though it took longer, I was successful in my endeavors. So without further adieu, here are more college mascots you that make your super lame mascot seem awesome. Note that not all mascots presented here are currently competing in the NCAA tournament, especially those featured in my previous mascot post in August. Hell, some aren’t even Division I do begin with. Also, go VCU Rams since my sister attends there.

1. Sparty – Michigan State University Spartans

Though more accurate Spartan warrior costume than those speedo clad guys from 300, he nevertheless gives the kind of vibe of, “I’m going to conquer your land and your people.”

Though more accurate Spartan warrior costume than those speedo clad guys from 300, he nevertheless gives the kind of vibe of, “I’m going to conquer your land and your people.”

2. George Washington – George Washington University Colonials

Possibly one of the worst renditions of the first US president I've ever seen. Kind of borders between defamatory and terrifying at the same time. Seriously, I'm sure no British soldier can shit as fast than in the sight of this monstrosity.

Possibly one of the worst renditions of the first US president I’ve ever seen. Kind of borders between defamatory and terrifying at the same time. Seriously, I’m sure no British soldier can shit as fast than in the sight of this monstrosity.

3. Big Jay – Kansas University Jayhawks

Look, I know that a Jayhawk is a made up bird solely to use as a school mascot. However, from what I see, this neither resembles a Blue Jay or a hawk of any kind. Rather it reminds me of a chicken.

Look, I know that a Jayhawk is a made up bird solely to use as a school mascot. However, from what I see, this neither resembles a Blue Jay or a hawk of any kind. Rather it reminds me of a chicken.

4. Boxer – Pacific University Boxers

Now how in the hell does this look like a boxer? Seriously, it more or less resembles a terrifying rusty gargoyle than any breed of dog. Either that, or an alien from outer space.

Now how in the hell does this look like a boxer? Seriously, it more or less resembles a terrifying rusty gargoyle than any breed of dog. Either that, or an alien from outer space.

5. Thunder – Wheaton College Mastodons

Now Wheaton College has the mastodon as its mascot mainly because they house a whole mastodon skeleton on the campus. However, Thunder's appearance makes him more suitable for a children's book than as a college mascot.

Now Wheaton College has the mastodon as its mascot mainly because some of its faculty had excavated a mastodon skeleton on a judge’s property, which is now on display at the campus. However, Thunder’s appearance makes him more suitable for a children’s book than as a college sports mascot. In short, he doesn’t live up to his name.

6. The Gull – Endicott College Gulls

Now I don't know about you but I think this Jonathan Livingston Seagull here seems to have murder on the mind from what I can tell from his face. That or he just doesn't care for photo ops for some reason.

Now I don’t know about you but I think this Jonathan Livingston Seagull here seems to have murder on the mind from what I can tell from his face. That or he just doesn’t care for photo ops for some reason.

7. Gnome Ranger – San Antonio College

Okay, this is just crazy? I mean this school's mascot is basically a garden ornament decked with western lawman garb and a red sombrero. What's even crazier is that SAC is a community college which doesn't even have an athletic program. Seriously, I checked the site no sign of extracurricular activities on there, let alone sports.

Okay, this is just crazy? I mean this school’s mascot is basically a garden ornament decked with western lawman garb and a red sombrero. What’s even crazier is that SAC is a community college which doesn’t even have an athletic program. Seriously, I checked the site no sign of extracurricular activities on there, let alone sports.

8. Shuckie and Pearl – St. Mary’s University, Texas Rattlers

To be fair, St. Mary's Texas usual mascot is Rattleman which is a blue snake with his tongue sticking out. Shuckie and Pearl are just mascots for a campus event called the Oyster Bake. Nevertheless, as to why these exist, why one is upside down while the other wears a sombrero, and why a Texas college has an event like this at all, I don't have the slightest idea.

To be fair, St. Mary’s Texas usual mascot is Rattleman which is a blue snake with his tongue sticking out. Shuckie and Pearl are just mascots for a campus event called the Oyster Bake. Nevertheless, as to why these exist, why one is upside down while the other wears a sombrero, and why a Texas college has an event like this at all, I don’t have the slightest idea.

9. Willie the Wildcat – Kansas State University Wildcats

Seems as if when it came time to design the costume, someone must've said, "How about let's save money for a full costume and just have it consist of just a scary wildcat head with a jersey instead? It'll save the college a lot of money and time in the long run." Nevertheless, I find a ferocious cat head on a person's body rather terrifying if you ask me.

Seems as if when it came time to design the costume, someone must’ve said, “How about let’s save money for a full costume and just have it consist of just a scary wildcat head with a jersey instead? It’ll save the college a lot of money and time in the long run.” Nevertheless, I find a ferocious cat head on a person’s body rather terrifying if you ask me.

10. Will D. Cat – Villanova University Wildcats

Make no mistake, this cat really makes me uncomfortable just looking at it. Must be the eyes or the intensity. Still, he seems like he's about to go into a homicidal rage at any moment.

Make no mistake, this cat really makes me uncomfortable just looking at it. Must be the eyes or the intensity. Still, he seems like he’s about to go into a homicidal rage at any moment.

11. Herbie Husker – University of Nebraska-Lincoln Cornhuskers

Okay, looking at him, you'd think he'd be the kind of western farmer type who'd probably run over you in a John Deere  or Ford pickup accident after leaving this bar. And he will show no remorse whatsoever. Now he's asking for another round of drinks.

Okay, looking at him, you’d think he’d be the kind of western farmer type who’d probably run over you in a John Deere or Ford pickup accident after leaving this bar. And he will show no remorse whatsoever. Now he’s asking for another round of drinks.

12. Rip Tide – Tulane University Green Wave

Now the pelican mascot is understandable with Tulane being in Louisiana. However, the green feathers and the crazy smile are kind of disconcerting. Also, when it came to naming it most of the college students wanted it to be, "Pecker" but it was named "Riptide" for obvious reasons.

Now the pelican mascot is understandable with Tulane being in Louisiana. However, the green feathers and the crazy smile are kind of disconcerting. Seems like he’s been to too many Mardis Gras parties in New Orleans. Also, when it came to naming it most of the college students wanted it to be, “Pecker” but it was named “Riptide” for obvious reasons.

13. Alex – Hamilton College Continentals

Looking at this creepy caricature of Alexander Hamilton, it almost makes Aaron Burr shooting him almost justifiable homicide. Man, I can't even imagine what he intends to do with that girl.

Looking at this creepy caricature of Alexander Hamilton, it almost makes Aaron Burr shooting him almost justifiable homicide. Man, I can’t even imagine what he intends to do with that girl.

14. The Explorer – La Salle University Explorers

Now there was an actual La Salle who explored and claimed the Lousiana Territory for France. This guy seems what George Armstrong Custer would look like if he dyed his hair black prior to the Battle of Little Bighorn.

Now there was an actual La Salle who explored and claimed the Lousiana Territory for France. This guy seems what George Armstrong Custer would look like if he dyed his hair black prior to the Battle of Little Bighorn.

15. Ichabod – Wasburn University Ichabods

When I hear the name "Ichabod," I don't think a badass sports time despite that Washburn's was founded by a guy with that name. Nevertheless, I expect this Ichabod would basically scare the bejesus out of the Headless Horseman on any day of the week.

When I hear the name “Ichabod,” I don’t think a badass sports time despite that Washburn’s was founded by a guy with that name. Nevertheless, I expect this Ichabod would basically scare the bejesus out of the Headless Horseman on any day of the week.

16. Bearcat – University of Cincinnati Bearcats

Now my college mascot was a bearcat but basically looked like a cougar. However, this is actually supposed to resemble a bearcat which is an animal from Southeast Asia that is neither bear nor cat. Not to mention, isn't even intimidating. Seriously, Cinci should just pick something that lives in Ohio as their mascot like a coyote.

Now my college mascot was a bearcat but basically looked like a cougar. However, this is actually supposed to resemble a bearcat which is an animal from Southeast Asia that is neither bear nor cat. Not to mention, isn’t even intimidating. Seriously, Cinci should just pick something that lives in Ohio as their mascot like a coyote.

17. John Harvard – Harvard University Crimson

So this gives me an impression that John Harvard was present at the first Thanksgiving, died of some 17th century plague or was executed for witchcraft, and rose out of his grave as a zombie. Still, you'd think a prestigious rich kid school like Harvard would have a better mascot than this.

So this gives me an impression that John Harvard was present at the first Thanksgiving, died of some 17th century plague or was executed for witchcraft, and rose out of his grave as a zombie. Still, you’d think a prestigious rich kid school like Harvard would have a better mascot than this.

18. Screamer – York College of Pennsylvania Spartans

I have to admit, Screamer does live up to his name since he seems like some sort of crazed muppet psychokiller you'd find on Sesame Street. Seriously, he seems like he's just broke out of the Sesame Street ABC mental hospital and is out to kill again.

I have to admit, Screamer does live up to his name since he seems like some sort of crazed muppet psychokiller you’d find on Sesame Street. Seriously, he seems like he’s just broke out of the Sesame Street ABC Mental Hospital for the Criminally Insane and is out to kill again.

19. Kingsman and Regal – California Lutheran University Kingsmen and Regals

Little did you know that the CLU outfits for Kingsman and Regal were originally designed for a French duo named Daft Punk. However, they thought these outfits were totally stupid. Either that, or they're probably aliens from outer space.

Little did you know that the CLU outfits for Kingsman and Regal were originally designed for a French duo named Daft Punk. However, they thought these outfits were totally stupid. Either that, or they’re probably aliens from outer space.

20. Smokey – University of Tennessee Volunteers

To be fair, Tennessee actually has a live mascot called Smokey IX of the same dog breed. However, this mascot seems less likely to rip your arm off than inspiring people to hug him.

To be fair, Tennessee actually has a live mascot called Smokey IX of the same dog breed. However, this mascot seems less likely to rip your arm off than inspiring people to hug him.

21. Bobby the Beacon – University of Massachusetts Boston Beacons

Okay, now I have 2 gripes about this one. For one, I have no idea why anyone would want their mascot to be a freaking inanimate building, lighthouse or not. Second, there's something not right about his smile. Seriously, why does this guy even exist?

Okay, now I have 2 gripes about this one. For one, I have no idea why anyone would want their mascot to be a freaking inanimate building, lighthouse or not. Second, there’s something not right about his smile. Seriously, why does this guy even exist?

22. The Green Terror – McDaniel College Green Terror

Well, he's certainly a green terror. I mean he's just as scary as hell as if from a 1950s horror movie or the Donnie Darko bunny's not so scary younger brother. Also, after this photo was taking, Angela was never seen again.

Well, he’s certainly a green terror. I mean he’s just as scary as hell as if from a 1950s horror movie or the Donnie Darko bunny’s not so scary younger brother. Also, after this photo was taking, Angela was never seen again.

23. Lord Jeff – Amherst College Lord Jeffs

This British Lord mascot creepy is beyond belief. But we have to accept that despite him being know as an Brit aristocrat and French and Indian War veteran, the real Jeffery Amherst is alleged to give blankets infected with smallpox to the Indians. Make that what you will.

This British Lord mascot creepy is beyond belief. But we have to accept that despite him being know as an Brit aristocrat and French and Indian War veteran, the real Jeffery Amherst is alleged to give blankets infected with smallpox to the Indians. Make that what you will.

24. Gompei the Goat – Worcester Polytechnic Institute Engineers

Now while some goats tend to chew on tin cans and vegetation, Gompei the Goat desires none other than the taste of human flesh since he's been infected by some mad goat disease.

Now while some goats tend to chew on tin cans and vegetation, Gompei the Goat desires none other than the taste of human flesh since he’s been infected by some mad goat disease.

25. Sammy the Owl – Rice University Owls

If this guy was in the Tootsie Pop commercials, I bed he'd devour the kid after he bites into the Tootsie Roll encrusted lollipop. Seriously, he just terrifies me if you look in his eyes.

If this guy was in the Tootsie Pop commercials, I bed he’d devour the kid after he bites into the Tootsie Roll encrusted lollipop. Seriously, he just terrifies me if you look in his eyes.

26. Albert and Alberta Gator – Florida University Gators

By the look at these, they seem like a couple of wimps who should've devoured Tim Tebow when they had the chance. Seriously, they may appear lame but they're freaking gators for God's sake.

By the look at these, they seem like a couple of wimps who should’ve devoured Tim Tebow when they had the chance. Seriously, they may appear lame but they’re freaking gators for God’s sake.

27. Andy the Ant – Missouri State University Bears

Basically he's the mascot of the college's Student Activities Council. Still, he looks more like Skeeter and Scooter's burned out brother with antennas than anything.

Basically he’s the mascot of the college’s Student Activities Council. Still, he looks more like Skeeter and Scooter’s burned out brother with antennas than anything.

28. Nick L. Mole –  California State University, Fresno Bulldogs

To be fair, Nick Mole is actually the mascot of the school's chemistry club but he does show to athletic events. He was developed to be more kid friendly. However, why the Fresno chemistry club thought they needed a mascot, I'll never know.

To be fair, Nick Mole is actually the mascot of the school’s chemistry club but he does show to athletic events. He was developed to be more kid friendly. However, why the Fresno chemistry club thought they needed a mascot, I’ll never know.

29. Kaboom – Bradley University Braves

Said to be the scariest college mascot in the country by many since he had to replace the horrid Native American mascot the college once had. However, I've seen scarier gargoyles in Disney cartoons. Besides, I don't know what the association is between gargoyles and explosives.

Said to be the scariest college mascot in the country by many since he had to replace the horrid Native American mascot the college once had. However, I’ve seen scarier gargoyles in Disney cartoons. Besides, I don’t know what the association is between gargoyles and explosives.

30. Builderman – Newport News Apprentice School Builders

Now Builderman may not come from a "college" per se but The Apprentice School is a post-secondary institution nonetheless. However, I'd hate to see him on the bleachers with the kiddies. But why a vocational school should have a mascot, I have no idea.

Now Builderman may not come from a “college” per se but The Apprentice School is a post-secondary institution nonetheless. However, I’d hate to see him on the bleachers with the kiddies. But why a vocational school should have a mascot, I have no idea.

31. Butch T. Cougar – Washington State University Cougars

While I can agree he's a cougar, I'm not sure if I'd call him butch. Seriously, he seems like he has issues with his masculinity or something. Also, quite dopey and not very intimidating.

While I can agree he’s a cougar, I’m not sure if I’d call him butch. Seriously, he seems like he has issues with his masculinity or something. Also, quite dopey and not very intimidating.

32. The Tiger – Clemson University Tigers

Seems like Clemson doesn't administer drug tests for their mascot candidates. I mean the Tiger certainly has eyes of someone who's totally high on brown acid or crystal meth.

Seems like Clemson doesn’t administer drug tests for their mascot candidates. I mean the Tiger certainly has eyes of someone who’s totally high on brown acid or crystal meth.

33. Big Al – Alabama University Crimson Tide

Now the Crimson Tide is actually a nice team nickname for a college, especially one like Alabama. However, why the school thought they needed a dopey elephant as their mascot, I have no idea. Seriously, elephants aren't crimson and don't even live in Alabama. And this guy seems more appropriate for a children's book.

Now the Crimson Tide is actually a nice team nickname for a college, especially one like Alabama. However, why the school thought they needed a dopey elephant as their mascot, I have no idea. Seriously, elephants aren’t crimson and don’t even live in Alabama. And this guy seems more appropriate for a children’s book.

34. Cosmo the Cougar – Brigham Young University Cougars

Of course, if I was a parent, I'd certainly not want this mascot near my kids. Reminds me of some depraved freak you might see at some furry convention, possibly on some Sex Offender List of some sort.

Of course, if I was a parent, I’d certainly not want this mascot near my kids. Reminds me of some depraved freak you might see at some furry convention, possibly on some Sex Offender List of some sort.

35. King Triton – University of California San Diego Tritons

Not to be confused with Ariel's dad from The Little Mermaid who's also King Triton. However, why this guy has white hair but washboard abs, I have no idea. Also, seems kind of skeevy by the looks of him.

Not to be confused with Ariel’s dad from The Little Mermaid who’s also King Triton. However, why this guy has white hair but washboard abs, I have no idea. Also, seems kind of skeevy by the looks of him.

36. Big Red – Dension University Big Red

Sure he's a buzzard but he doesn't seem at all intimidating as the possible Native American mascot he replaced. But he loves to lounge around. Also, he seems to resemble a crane than a buzzard or an alien from outer space.

Sure he’s a buzzard but he doesn’t seem at all intimidating as the possible Native American mascot he replaced. But he loves to lounge around. Also, he seems to resemble a crane than a buzzard or an alien from outer space.

37. Denver Boone – University of Denver Pioneers

Now Boone was the official mascot for DU until he was forced to retire in 1998 over concerns that he represented the Western extinction of Native American culture. He now serves in an unofficial capacity. Still, controversial or not, I wouldn't want to go anywhere near him.

Now Boone was the official mascot for DU until he was forced to retire in 1998 over concerns that he represented the Western extinction of Native American culture. He now serves in an unofficial capacity. Still, controversial or not, I wouldn’t want to go anywhere near him.

38. Gus the Gorilla – Pittsburg State University Gorillas

Now despite the name, this is a Kansas school. However, a mascot that has a guy in a gorilla suit may be intimidating but is very hard to take seriously. Doesn't seem too happy in this picture and his shirt is too small.

Now despite the name, this is a Kansas school. However, a mascot that has a guy in a gorilla suit may be intimidating but is very hard to take seriously. Doesn’t seem too happy in this picture and his shirt is too small.

39. The Duke – Duquesne University Dukes

Now Duquesne was named after a French Marquis who died during the French and Indian War. Still, seems like he's a creepy yet entitled rich guy who thinks asking for welfare is a sin. Sorry, Mom, buy your alma mater mascot sucks.

Now Duquesne was named after a French Marquis who died during the French and Indian War. Still, seems like he’s a creepy yet entitled rich guy who thinks asking for welfare is a sin. Sorry, Mom, buy your alma mater mascot sucks.

40. Sammy Bearkat – Sam Houston State University Bearkats

Sammy had always aspired to be the mascot of Doritos since he had the orange fur nailed flat. But after being rejected by Frito Lay for drug use, decided to be a mascot for SHSU instead.

Sammy had always aspired to be the mascot of Doritos since he had the orange fur nailed flat. But after being rejected by Frito Lay for drug use, decided to be a mascot for SHSU instead.

41. Phlash the Phoenix – University of Wisconsin Green Bay Phoenix

It seems that Phlash the Phoenix obtained his green color after perishing and being reborn after a severe nuclear accident. Still, when it comes to phoenixes, Phlash is kind of on the wuss side, big time.

It seems that Phlash the Phoenix obtained his green color after perishing and being reborn after a severe nuclear accident. Still, when it comes to phoenixes, Phlash is kind of on the wuss side, big time.

42. Ben and John – Franklin & Marshall College Diplomats

These two remind me less of Benjamin Franklin and John Marshall and more like a younger but creepier Colonial American Statler and Waldorf. Their eyes reveal they are dead inside and hungry for your soul.

These two remind me less of Benjamin Franklin and John Marshall and more like a younger but creepier Colonial American Statler and Waldorf. Their eyes reveal they are dead inside and hungry for your soul.

43. Camel – Connecticut College Camels

Now a camel mascot is lame enough. But this one seems to have a Loch Ness elongated neck really makes it seem like a terrifying monster. Also the green balloons don't help his case.

Now a camel mascot is lame enough. But this one seems to have a Loch Ness elongated neck really makes it seem like a terrifying monster. Also the green balloons don’t help his case.

44. The Griffin – College of William and Mary Tribe

Fantasy creature hybrid of an eagle and a lion which doesn't make any sense as well as seems like the kind of mascot a college had to adopt after their Indian mascot was deemed offensive.

Fantasy creature hybrid of an eagle and a lion which doesn’t make any sense as well as seems like the kind of mascot a college had to adopt after their Indian mascot was deemed offensive. Seriously, William and Mary’s sports team is the Tribe whereas the Griffin is a Middle Eastern mythological creature. A hawk would’ve been a better choice.

45. General Herkimer – Herkimer County Community College

Sure he was named after a Revolutionary War general but there's just something disturbing about him for some reason, perhaps of the used car salesman variety. I just can't name it off the top of my head.

Sure he was named after a Revolutionary War general but there’s just something disturbing about him for some reason, perhaps of the used car salesman variety. I just can’t name it off the top of my head.

46. Herky the Hawk – University of Iowa Hawkeyes

Now Herky is a fine menacing hawk as a mascot. However, I think the helmet is just a bit too much so to speak. I don't know.

Now Herky is a fine menacing hawk as a mascot. However, I think the helmet is just a bit too much so to speak and the heat looks so unnatural. I don’t know.

47. Aubie the Tiger – Auburn University Tigers

Now I know that tigers are supposed to be pierce. But this one seems bound to lose to Tigger in a fight despite the latter is a character in a Disney cartoon. Also, refuses to appear on ESPN probably because he doesn't want anyone to make fun of him.

Now I know that tigers are supposed to be pierce. But this one seems bound to lose to Tigger in a fight despite the latter is a character in a Disney cartoon. Also, refuses to appear on ESPN probably because he doesn’t want anyone to make fun of him.

48. Killian – Iona College Gaels

If he was a mascot for Notre Dame, he would've been perfect. However, as a mascot for Iona College, he seems like a burly man of Gaelic-Irish descent who's about to rob us blind. Really bad Irish stereotyping on the school's part.

If he was a mascot for Notre Dame, he would’ve been perfect. However, as a mascot for Iona College, he seems like a burly man of Gaelic-Irish descent who’s about to rob us blind. Really bad Irish stereotyping on the school’s part.

49. Joe Vandal – University of Idaho Vandals

Probably has a tendency to be mistaken for a Viking despite the helmet design that states that, "All Germanic Dark Ages invaders are all alike." Also, would you trust a guy named "Joe Vandal" with your things? No.

Probably has a tendency to be mistaken for a Viking despite the helmet design that states that, “All Germanic Dark Ages invaders are all alike.” Also, would you trust a guy named “Joe Vandal” with your things? No.

50. Kangaroo – Austin College Kangaroos

For one, kangaroos live in Australia and don't frequent Austin City Limits. Second, this one seems like a freaky dope on acid or something. I mean it just seems like something's not right. Third, it has a pouch but I'm not sure if it's male or female because so many guy kangaroos have been depicted with them.

For one, kangaroos live in Australia and don’t frequent Austin City Limits. Second, this one seems like a freaky dope on acid or something. I mean it just seems like something’s not right. Third, it has a pouch but I’m not sure if it’s male or female because so many guy kangaroos have been depicted with them.

51. Lance Lute – Pacific Lutheran University Lutes

Now this knight in shining armor makes a perfectly fine mascot. However, I have to complain to the college on what the hell kind of name is Lance Lute? Seriously, why?

Now this knight in shining armor makes a perfectly fine mascot. However, I have to complain to the college on what the hell kind of name is Lance Lute? It’s a stupid name. Seriously, why?

52. Lobo Louie and Lucy – University of New Mexico Lobos

I don't know what these two coyotes are on but they seem to be regular customers of some genius chemistry teacher from Albuquerque. They particularly loved his blue variety and have a preference for Los Pollos Hermanos chicken.

I don’t know what these two coyotes are on but they seem to be regular customers of some genius chemistry teacher from Albuquerque. They particularly loved his blue variety and have a preference for Los Pollos Hermanos chicken.

53. Privateer Pete – State University of New York Maritime Privateers

"Hello, I'm an upper class twit who likes to rob stuff from cargo ships and sell them on the shore. Look at my awesome suit and cravat, bitches."

“Hello, I’m an upper class twit who likes to rob stuff from cargo ships and sell them on the shore. Look at my awesome suit and cravat, bitches. Also, despite how fresh water is precious, I always shave.”

54. Chief Osceola – Florida State University Seminoles

Now I know that Florida State has permission from the tribe to use the name. But even so, this Native American mascot is bound to offend some people, especially if he's played by a white guy.

Now I know that Florida State has permission from the tribe to use the name. But even so, this Native American mascot is bound to offend some people, especially if he’s played by a white guy.

55. The Wombat – University of Wisconsin-Sheboygan Wombats

I guess the reason why UWS has the Wombat mascot is that nobody else had one. However, wombats are Australian marsupials who aren't known for being badass. Also, that doesn't even look like a wombat.

I guess the reason why UWS has the Wombat mascot is that nobody else had one. However, wombats are Australian marsupials who aren’t known for being badass. Also, that doesn’t even look like a wombat but something much creepier.

56. Lu Wolf – Loyola University of Chicago Wolfpack

"Just because I have a squeaky clean record doesn't mean I'm any less capable of robbing you or eating your babies. Because I am." Seems like this guy was thrown out of his pack for financially screwing over his family or some other heinous misdeed.

“Just because I have a squeaky clean record doesn’t mean I’m any less capable of robbing you or eating your babies. Because I am.” Seems like this guy was thrown out of his pack for financially screwing over his family or some other heinous misdeed.

57. The Patriot – George Mason University Patriots

I don't know about you but I don't think our Founding Fathers took to face painting during the American Revolution, save perhaps for The Boston Tea Party and certainly not in those colors. Also, quite terrifying.

I don’t know about you but I don’t think our Founding Fathers took to face painting during the American Revolution, save perhaps for The Boston Tea Party and certainly not in those colors. Also, quite terrifying.

58. Swoop – University of Utah Utes

I know he's supposed to replace the previous Native American mascot who was drummed out for various reasons. Still, I can't tell whether Swoop is supposed to be a hawk or a vulture. Either way, he'll sure love the taste of human flesh which has resulted in many disappearances at Ute games.

I know he’s supposed to replace the previous Native American mascot who was drummed out for various reasons. Still, I can’t tell whether Swoop is supposed to be a hawk or a vulture. Either way, he’ll sure love the taste of human flesh which has resulted in many disappearances at Ute games.

59. Milo the Lynx – University of Colorado Denver Lynx

Now this cat seems like he's woken up on the wrong side of the bed and is really not in the mood for a photo op at all. Also, after this photo, Alicia was found to be brutally mauled afterwards. The culprit has never been caught.

Now this cat seems like he’s woken up on the wrong side of the bed and is really not in the mood for a photo op at all. Also, after this photo, Alicia was found to be brutally mauled afterwards. The culprit has never been caught.

60. Aztec Warrior – San Diego State University Aztecs

Seems like San Diego is going with a Native American mascot known to offend Indians and Mexicans alike as well as was notorious for committing large numbers of human sacrifices consisting of captives in battle.

Seems like San Diego is going with a Native American mascot known to offend Indians and Mexicans alike as well as was notorious for committing large numbers of human sacrifices consisting of captives in battle. Controversial? I’ll say.

61. Polar Bear – Bowdoin College Polar Bears

Now this school has been known to produce alumni like Nathaniel Hawthorne, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Admiral Robert Peary, General Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, and Dr. Alfred Kinsey. However, its mascot is basically a polar bear which is from the North Pole and seems like it could appear in a children's book. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain would've made a better choice.

Now this school has been known to produce alumni like Nathaniel Hawthorne, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Admiral Robert Peary, General Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain, and Dr. Alfred Kinsey. However, its mascot is basically a polar bear which is from the North Pole and seems like it could appear in a children’s book. Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain would’ve made a better choice.

62. Oswald the Penguin – Clark College Penguins

Not only is this not an intimidating mascot and is quite freaky with a tie, it also shares a name with the Penguin from Batman who's also called Oswald. Seriously, I think the Penguin from Batman would've been a better mascot choice here.

Not only is this not an intimidating mascot and is quite freaky with a tie, it also shares a name with the Penguin from Batman who’s also called Oswald. Seriously, I think the Penguin from Batman would’ve been a better mascot choice here. Still, it’s said he’s supposed to be from the Galapagos but I don’t understand what the hell he’s doing in Vancouver Washington.

63. Powercat – University of the Pacific Tigers

Or as I call him, "Soulless Eyes Cat Willing to Devour You." Seriously, this tiger gives me the creeps as if he sees a coed as a potential meal or a virgin sacrifice.

Or as I call him, “Soulless Eyes Cat Willing to Devour You.” Seriously, this tiger gives me the creeps as if he sees a coed as a potential meal or a virgin sacrifice.

64. The Anchorman – Rhode Island College Anchormen

Somebody get Ron Burgundy right away so he can replace this creepy sailor who seems likely to go homicidal any minute now. Seriously, this guy is just terrifying.

Somebody get Ron Burgundy right away so he can replace this creepy sailor who seems likely to go homicidal any minute now. Seriously, this guy is just terrifying and will make babies scream.

65. Red Raider- Texas Tech University Red Raiders

Or as I call him, Yosemite Sam's estranged and less successful brother who has the exact same rage issues. But at least he likes wearing white and whipping out his pistols. But he's unhappy that he doesn't get to shoot anyone in the audience.

Or as I call him, Yosemite Sam’s estranged and less successful brother who has the exact same rage issues. But at least he likes wearing white and whipping out his pistols. But he’s unhappy that he doesn’t get to shoot anyone in the audience.

66. Rudy Flyer – University of Dayton Flyers

To be fair, this is an appropriate mascot since Dayton was the hometown of the Wright Brothers. However, the fact he keeps his goggles on gives me the impression he's a mad scientist in his spare time.

To be fair, this is an appropriate mascot since Dayton was the hometown of the Wright Brothers. However, the fact he keeps his goggles on gives me the impression he’s a mad scientist in his spare time.

67. Molly Ann – Southern Arkansas University Muleriders

Yes, the Muleriders do exist. However, mules are basically sterile hybrids of donkey dads and horse moms and I'm sure nobody would want to ride one. Also, I hope she's not weighing the mule down, if it is one.

Yes, the Muleriders do exist. However, mules are basically sterile hybrids of donkey dads and horse moms and I’m sure nobody would want to ride one. Also, I hope she’s not weighing the mule down, if it is one.

68. Scrappy the Mockingbird – University of Tennessee Chattanooga Mocs

Scrappy is supposed to be a mockingbird but he certainly doesn't look like one. In fact, he kind of reminds me of some sort of ugly buzzard or something. Then again, all bird mascots seem to resemble birds of prey these days, even those that are certainly not supposed to be.

Scrappy is supposed to be a mockingbird but he certainly doesn’t look like one. In fact, he kind of reminds me of some sort of ugly buzzard or something. Then again, all bird mascots seem to resemble birds of prey these days, even those that are certainly not supposed to be.

69. Temoc – University of Texas Dallas Comets

Even with flaming red hair and Cheshire cat grin, Temoc couldn't overcome his chronic lameness as a mascot since he looked too much of a reject from Sesame Street. Of course, he didn't get in due to his addiction to blue meth.

Even with flaming red hair and Cheshire cat grin, Temoc couldn’t overcome his chronic lameness as a mascot since he looked too much of a reject from Sesame Street. Of course, he didn’t get in due to his addiction to blue meth.

70. Pirate – Seton Hall Pirates

Now there's nothing wrong with a school having a pirate mascot. However, a pirate mascot with a blue and white painted face? What the fuck? Seriously, why? Looks like an angry smurf.

Now there’s nothing wrong with a school having a pirate mascot. However, a pirate mascot with a blue and white painted face? What the fuck? Seriously, why? Looks like an angry smurf.

71. Spirit the Seawolf – University of Alaska Anchorage Seawolves

Just because something looks good on a totem pole as indigenous art, doesn't mean it will make a good mascot. Sure he's supposed to be a seawolf but it seems like he seems to be an offspring of the Loch Ness Monster and a Mustang.

Just because something looks good on a totem pole as indigenous art, doesn’t mean it will make a good mascot. Sure he’s supposed to be a seawolf but it seems like he seems to be an offspring of the Loch Ness Monster and a Mustang.

72. Matty the Matador – California State University Northridge Matadors

I'm sure this guy isn't meant to offend Hispanics despite creepiness. However, I have to admit a school with a mascot of a profession known for committing acts of bovine cruelty is certainly not going to score brownie points with PETA.

I’m sure this guy isn’t meant to offend Hispanics despite creepiness. However, I have to admit a school with a mascot of a profession known for committing acts of bovine cruelty is certainly not going to score brownie points with PETA.

73. Vili the Warrior – University of Hawaii Manoa

Okay, now I'm sure Hawaii has a lot of Polynesians in the area. But I can't help that he seems to embody the offensive savage native sacrifice your white women persona as I see it. I'm not sure if he's still the school's mascot or not.

Okay, now I’m sure Hawaii has a lot of Polynesians in the area. But I can’t help that he seems to embody the offensive savage native sacrifice your white women persona as I see it. I’m not sure if he’s still the school’s mascot or not to be honest.

74. Hey Reb – University of Nevada Las Vegas Rebels

For one, having a Confederate mascot in Nevada makes absolutely no sense even if your team is named the rebels. Second, he looks as if he's Yosemite Sam's virulently racist old man when you look at the angry scowl and mustache. Third, is that blood on his hands?

For one, having a Confederate mascot in Nevada makes absolutely no sense even if your team is named the rebels. Second, he looks as if he’s Yosemite Sam’s virulently racist old man when you look at the angry scowl and mustache. Third, is that blood on his hands?

75. Terrier – Wofford College Terriers

Now I know that mascots are supposed to bring school spirit and cheer. But no matter how you look at him, this mascot seems quite grim and defunct of all positive energy even in photo ops. Really can use some anti-depressants if you know what I mean. That, or anger management.

Now I know that mascots are supposed to bring school spirit and cheer. But no matter how you look at him, this mascot seems quite grim and defunct of all positive energy even in photo ops. Really can use some anti-depressants if you know what I mean. That, or anger management.

Strange Easter Traditions Around the World

Easter-Cross-And-Lilies-Wallpaper

As with Christmas, Easter is celebrated around the world as well since it’s also a religious holiday. So while some countries celebrate Easter, others may not even among Christians who might consider it too pagan like the Quakers, Puritans, and Jehovah Witnesses. Now also like Christmas, no two countries celebrate Easter the same way possibly due to seasonal patterns, old traditions, and other factors. And sometimes with American eyes, many of these traditions may seem strange. Not to mention, Easter didn’t really become a mainstream secular holiday until recently but students don’t get as many days off. Nevertheless, here are some of the strange Easter traditions you may see from around the world.

1. Czech Republic and Slovakia

Women living in some parts of Eastern Europe should expect to get their asses whipped by the fellas this Easter since it's said that such actions make them healthy and beautiful. Yeah, I know what outsiders are thinking.

Women living in some parts of Eastern Europe should expect to get their asses whipped by the fellas this Easter since it’s said that such actions make them healthy and beautiful. Yeah, I know what outsiders are thinking.

If you’re a woman living in either of these countries, expect to be chased around by men hitting with handmade whips this Easter Monday. Of course, those who aren’t into BDSM shouldn’t be disappointed because they’re not intended to be painful. It’s also believed that whipping women on Easter is supposed to make them more healthy and beautiful.

2. Finland

Those visiting the Nordic countries might wonder whether the Scandinavians, Icelanders, and Finns have gotten their Easter mixed up with Halloween since they have bonfires as well as kids dressed as witches going door to door for candy. But no, it's just their tradition.

Those visiting the Nordic countries might wonder whether the Scandinavians, Icelanders, and Finns have gotten their Easter mixed up with Halloween since they have bonfires as well as kids dressed as witches going door to door for candy. But no, it’s just their tradition.

It’s a popular superstition in Finland that all Finnish witches fly down to Germany to party with the devil on Easter. This has given rise to the tradition of children dressing up as witches with broomsticks hanging around their necks and wander around door to door to ask for treats. They also lit bonfires to keep satanic forces away that supposedly roam around this day. So Easter in Finland is kind of like Halloween. In Sweden, little girls take part in this tradition on April 30th known as Walburgis night as well as in Denmark where the children give out willow branches in exchange for candy. Another Easter tradition in Finland is watching grass grow to signify the start of spring. Once mature, children would decorate it with painted eggs and paper bunnies.

3. Russia

While the US and Germany have chocolate bunnies, those in Russia have the the Easter lamb made from butter since it's believe Satan can't transform as one. But eating a butter lamb can leave to high cholesterol and cardiovascular disease.

While the US and Germany have chocolate bunnies, those in Russia have the the Easter lamb made from butter since it’s believe Satan can’t transform as one. But eating a butter lamb can leave to high cholesterol and cardiovascular disease.

Instead of chocolate bunnies, Russians usually dig into a large piece of butter that’s in the shape of a lamb. This tradition is based on the religious idea that lambs are lucky since they’re the only animals whose form Satan couldn’t take.

4. Papua New Guinea

In this tropical country, you will find trees outside churches decorated with sticks of tobacco and cigarettes in the days leading to Easter. After the Easter Sunday church services, smokes are handed out and everyone lights up.

5. France

Every Easter in Haux, the villagers gather all their eggs to put in a large frying pan in the square. The result is perhaps the world's largest omelet.

Every Easter in Haux, the villagers gather all their eggs to put in a large frying pan in the square. The result is perhaps the world’s largest omelet.

On Easter Monday, people in the town of Haux gather together taking all the eggs from their houses and bringing them to the town square. There, they put their eggs in a massive pan used to cook a giant omelet that could feed 1,000 people and contains over 4,500 eggs.

6. New Zealand

While the US has a furry, cute Easter Bunny bringing children eggs, in New Zealand it's rabbit season with the Great Bunny Hunt. Some 20,000 bunnies are killed a year in New Zealand on Easter. They probably should just stick to Orcs.

While the US has a furry, cute Easter Bunny bringing children eggs, in New Zealand it’s rabbit season with the Great Bunny Hunt. Some 20,000 bunnies are killed a year in New Zealand on Easter. They probably should just stick to Orcs.

While the US has the cute, furry, Easter Bunny, if there’s a place Peter Cottontail should avoid this Easter, New Zealand would be it. And it’s not because of Orcs. Because on Easter, New Zealanders go out to hunt rabbits with a prize of $NZ 3,500 to who kills the most bunnies. Every year as many 20,000 rabbits are killed in this country.

7. Poland

One Easter Sunday, men aren’t allowed to cook or even stand in the kitchen or else his mustache will go gray and the Easter bread dough will fail to rise. They also believe that swallowing a willow catkin from a branch consecrated by a priest would bring health.

As for processions on Good Friday, Polish miners don ceremonial uniforms and at the Wieliczka Salt Mine where they perform the Underground Way of the Holy Cross. They march to an underground salt monument of Pope John Paul II in the underground Kinga Chapel, a place he once visited.

8. Hungary

In other parts of Eastern Europe women in traditional garb should expect to be doused by water on their way to their Easter Sunday mass. Priests should expect wet pews in their churches.

In other parts of Eastern Europe women in traditional garb should expect to be doused by water on their way to their Easter Sunday mass. Priests should expect wet pews in their churches.

On Easter, women dress in traditional garb for Sunday Mass while men jump out and pour buckets of water at them as part of a “purifying ritual.”

9. Australia

Instead of an Easter Bunny, Australia has an Easter Bilby which is a native endangered marsupial that resembles a mouse. Also, they hate rabbits which they consider pests.

Instead of an Easter Bunny, Australia has an Easter Bilby which is a native endangered marsupial that resembles a mouse. Also, they hate rabbits which they consider pests.

While the US has the Easter Bunny, Australia has the Easter Bilby bringing the eggs. One of the reasons behind this change is to create awareness of the bilby which is an endangered species. Also, there’s a strong dislike for bunnies which are considered pests that destroy crops.

10. Colombia

For their Easter dinner, instead of eggs and chocolate, the Colombians dine on iguana, turtles, and big rodents.

11. Germany

Instead of hiding their colored eggs, the Germans hang their decorated eggs out in the open on trees for all to see. Seems like the Germans have to have trees for everything.

Instead of hiding their colored eggs, the Germans hang their decorated eggs out in the open on trees for all to see. Seems like the Germans have to have trees for everything.

While children in other countries look for hidden Easter eggs, the Germans display their Easter eggs are displayed on trees and prominently in the streets. Some will have thousands of multi colored eggs hanged on them. This might be that these symbolize new life and the resurrection. They also burn their Christmas trees on Easter Sunday and eat a lot of green foods and spinach on Holy Thursday.

Germany is also home to the Oberammergau Passion Play in the village that bears its name which is performed every 10 years from May to October starting at 9:30 a.m. and continuing with a 12:15-3:00 p. m. lunch break before finally finishing at 6:00 p.m. However, the villagers do this as a thank you from God for saving them from a plague in 1633 and put a large painting of Jesus to show this. But nearly everyone in the village takes part in the play either as one of the actors or behind the scenes, making clothes and props to run it. Still, this play is very popular all over the world that bookings take place for many years before the play is performed.

12. Greece

While some countries have multi colored eggs, in Greece the eggs are only painted red to represent the blood of Christ and used for making Easter bread as well as banged on their neighbor’s heads.

In the town of Corfu, it’s tradition for the people to throw out their crockery and pots out the window on Easter Saturday. We’re not sure why they do this. Some say it’s to symbolize the rejection of Judas. Others think it’s simply the exuberance of having a smashing time after the penitential season of Lent. There are other theories of symbolism such as getting rid of evil or the change of seasons in which the old pots of last year’s harvest are exchanged for new ones. Some think it’s adopted from the old Venetian tradition of throwing out one’s winter things for new ones for spring.

In the Greek village of Vrontados, Easter is celebrated with a fireworks war between the two Greek Orthodox parishes. Parishioners make their own rockets for this. Of course, it attracts thousands of tourists.

In the Greek village of Vrontados, Easter is celebrated with a fireworks war between the two Greek Orthodox parishes. Parishioners make their own rockets for this. Of course, it attracts thousands of tourists.

In the village of Vrontados on the island of Chios, the two Orthodox churches face off every Easter with parishioners making their own rockets and teenagers leading the war against each other. It’s said to be a century old tradition which apparently started when some Greek villagers tried to scare away the Turkish army using fireworks. Some say that it started when some Greek sailors met Chinese men who taught them how to make fireworks. Anyway thousands of rockets are used and it attracts tourists every year on Easter, boosting the town’s economy.

13. Ethiopia

On the Easter festival, the people of Ethiopia celebrate a noble feast featuring a large loaf of sourdough bread called, “Dabo.” During the day, visitors are greeted with a slice of “Dabo” to honor the crucifixion of Christ. They also wear white to exemplify purity and display headbands from palm leaves which symbolize the palm leaves Jesus’s followers greeted him with during his passage into Jerusalem before his crucifixion.

14. Switzerland

For Easter, the Swiss have an age old tradition of decorating the fountains with spring flowers and colored eggs, which creates a rather stunning sight.

For Easter, the Swiss have an age old tradition of decorating the fountains with spring flowers and colored eggs, which creates a rather stunning sight.

The Frankonian Swiss have an old Easter tradition of decorating wells with painted eggs and spring flowers to celebrate the gift of life.

Switzerland is not a fan of the Easter Bunny so the Easter Cuckoo is credited with bringing children eggs instead. Yet, they still sell chocolate bunnies though.

15. Great Britain

In the town of Bacup in Northern England, Easter Saturday is celebrated with the Nutter’s Dance which has been performed since the 18th century. It’s said to originate with Moorish sailors who somehow ended up in the area but why it’s performed on Easter Saturday, there’s no explanation. It’s a strange dance led by a Whiffer (or Whipper In), who cracks a whip to drive away evil spirits represented by a group of men with blackened faces in red, black, and white costumes and neck garlands.

The English village of Hallaton in Lancashire where the villagers play a game called bottle kicking which is a no rules rugby game played with barrels. Ambulances stand by for this due to obvious reasons.

The English village of Hallaton in Lancashire where the villagers play a game called bottle kicking which is a no rules rugby game played with barrels. Ambulances stand by for this due to obvious reasons.

The village of Hallaton in Leicestershire celebrates Easter with a game of bottle kicking which is essentially a no rules rugby game played with 3 beer barrels and a pitch spread over a mile of cross country land. Ambulances are on standby every year there.

On Holy Thursday, it was once used as the day when the monarchs showed their humility and washed the poor’s feet. It was symbolic of Jesus washing the feet of his disciples, though only a select few poor got their feet washed. However, this was later changed with the ascension of the Protestant William and Mary in 1689. Nowadays the Queen just gives out money, usually the same amount as her age.

During the Easter season, the English village of Hungerford has what’s known as the Hockside festival. This begins each year when the new police constable blows his horn calling all men to the Hockside court. Two men are selected and they parade through the streets giving women oranges in exchange for kisses.

Another English Easter tradition is Morris dancing which involves guys dancing in ribbons, clogs, and sometimes funny hats. According to Blackadder, it's a very lame dance and one he doesn't like.

Another English Easter tradition is Morris dancing which involves guys dancing in ribbons, clogs, and sometimes funny hats. According to Blackadder, it’s a very lame dance and one he doesn’t like.

Britain also celebrates Easter with an Easter egg roll in which people try to roll colored hardboiled eggs on a hill. While this has taken hold in countries like the US, the Brits tend to be pretty competitive about it. Other strange Easter customs include Pace Egg plays mostly depicting Saint George and the dragon as well as Morris dancing which is an English folk dance said to originate through druidic rites but is better known to Americans as being mercilessly ripped on the first season of Blackadder. Let’s just say the Great Britain has a lot of strange Easter traditions and leave it at that.

16. Norway

On Easter in Norway, most of the businesses and public services are closed while the day is devoted to crime stories that even the milk cartons have their own mysteries on them.

On Easter in Norway, most of the businesses and public services are closed while the day is devoted to crime stories that even the milk cartons have their own mysteries on them.

In Norway, Easter is a 5 day bank holiday in which all the businesses close save the grocery store on the Saturday before. During this time Norwegians celebrate by reading crime novels known as Påskekrimmen as well as watching crime thrillers on TV. There are even mystery stories on milk cartons and magazines. Of course, why Norwegians celebrate Easter with this crime stuff is just one of those mysteries.

17. Netherlands, Belgium, and France

While Americans have the Easter Bunny, France, Belgium, and the Netherlands have the Easter Bells which is said to depart from the churches to Rome on Holy Week only to come back bringing eggs and candies for the kids. Seems like something from a bad acid trip doesn't it? But I'm not making this up.

While Americans have the Easter Bunny, France, Belgium, and the Netherlands have the Easter Bells which is said to depart from the churches to Rome on Holy Week only to come back bringing eggs and candies for the kids. Seems like something from a bad acid trip doesn’t it? But I’m not making this up.

In these countries, it’s said that the church bells fly to Rome for a few days on Holy Week and only return on Easter morning bringing back colored eggs and chocolate rabbits. It’s said the tradition started because all church bells are silent as a sign of mourning Jesus for several days before Easter. In the Netherlands and Flemish speaking Belgium, the bells fly away on Holy Saturday. In France and French speaking Belgium on Holy Thursday. Either way, replacing Santa Claus with metal bells seems like a bad acid trip to those who may never heard of it. Seriously, I’m not making this up.

18. Greece, Spain, Portugal, and Mexico as well as Latin America

A big tradition in Catholic and Orthodox countries is Judas burning in which an effigy of Judas is tried, hanged, and burned. While it's under fire for being anti-Semitic, people also burn effigies of politicians they don't like as well.

A big tradition in Catholic and Orthodox countries is Judas burning in which an effigy of Judas is tried, hanged, and burned. While it’s under fire for being anti-Semitic, people also burn effigies of politicians they don’t like as well.

In some communities in these countries, it’s customary to burn an effigy of Judas on Easter, typically depicted as hung by the neck after a fake trial. Sometimes they’d make effigies of unpopular politicians and filling the Judas effigy with fireworks. It was once practiced all over Europe before it went into decline due to it’s possible association with being called, “the burning of the Jew,” especially in Latin America. However, the Orthodox Church has since defended the practice.

19. Philippines

In the Philippines, it's not unusual pn Holy Week for some devout Catholic men to show their adoration for Christ through self-crucifixion and self-flagellation. Yes, this is insane that even the Roman Catholic Church has tried to discourage the practice there but to no avail.

In the Philippines, it’s not unusual pn Holy Week for some devout Catholic men to show their adoration for Christ through self-crucifixion and self-flagellation. Yes, this is insane that even the Roman Catholic Church has tried to discourage the practice there but to no avail. Please don’t try this at home.

In the Philippines, many devout Catholics practice self-crucifixion on Easter replicating Jesus’s suffering. The idea behind this act of insanity was this morbid ritual is to help watch the sins of the world and self-purification. The Roman Catholic Church tried to discourage this for obvious reasons but with little success. It’s also said that it’s just one manifestation of old Filipino religions that require self-flagellation. Other theories suggest it sprang out of a misinterpretation of St. Paul’s Romans 8:13, “If you live after the flesh, you shall die, but if through the spirit you mortify the deeds of the flesh, you shall live.” Of course, while some people may equate self-mortification with purification, I’d suggest you don’t try this at home, please.

20. Bermuda

Bermudans celebrate Good Friday with flying homemade kites, as well as eating codfish cakes and hot cross buns. It’s said that the tradition started when a local teacher from the British Army had difficulty explaining Christ’s ascension to his Sunday school class and made a kite to illustrate it as a result. They also hold kite contests as well.

21.Haiti

In Hati, Holy Week is celebrated with a mixture of Catholic and Voodoo traditions such as colorful parades and traditional “rara” music played on bamboo trumpets, maracas, drums, and coffee cans. Voodoo believers would make pilgrimages to the village of Souvenance, showing devotion to the spirits with drumming, chanting, and animal sacrifices.

22. Europe

In parts of Northwestern Europe, a key tradition is lighting up huge bonfires called Easter Fires on Easter Sunday and Monday. A most common explanation for this is said to originate with the Saxons as a tale of how spring triumphs over winter. However, today it just brings communities together with heavy consumption of lager, gin, and snacks. Egg tapping or knocking is also popular.

23. Cyprus

While the people of Cyprus also paint and hide eggs on Easter for the younger children to find, teenage boys follow this up with a rather violent contest of scouring for scraps of wood to use on a communal bonfire. The neighborhood with the largest bonfire at the end of the day gets the Easter bragging rights until next year. However, since there’s a limited supply of scraps among the teenage boys, it’s not uncommon for police being called in breaking fights over wood scraps or to help put out out-of-control bonfires.

24. Italy

In Florence, Easter is celebrated with a Rube Goldberg machine being carried on a cart, stuffed with explosives, and being set on fire. The result is a 20 minute fireworks show that would make Michael Bay weep.

In Florence, Easter is celebrated with a Rube Goldberg machine being carried on a cart, stuffed with explosives, and being set on fire. The result is a 20 minute fireworks show that would make Michael Bay weep.

In Florence, Easter is celebrated with building a Rube Goldberg machine containing shards from the Holy Sepulchre to symbolize the resurrection of Jesus. Called “the holy fire,” it’s placed on a candle as well as dragged through the streets on a massive cart which is over 30ft tall and has been used for well over 300 years before reaching its destination where priests and local officials carry it to the cathedral square. Once there, it’s stuffed with explosives and topped with a fuse and a fake dove when everything is ready. The Cardinal of Florence sets the fake dove ablaze while the bells of Giotto’s campanile ring out to signal that the show is about to start. What follows is 20 minutes of nonstop explosions in the city’s cathedral which would send Michael Bay weeping with adulation. If everything goes according to plan, then the fireworks signify a year of good harvests and successful business.

In Rome on Good Friday, the Pope commemorates the Via Crucis (Way of the Cross) at the Colosseum. During this a huge cross with burning torches illuminates the sky as the 14 Stations of the Cross are described in several languages. However, Americans unfamiliar with this ritual and this significance might interpret this tradition quite differently and with great offense, especially since they’re more likely to link giant burning crosses with white supremacist violence against African Americans. On Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday, Mass is celebrated with thousands of visitors in St. Peter’s Square to

25. Spain

On Holy Thursday, the streets of Verges set the stage for the macabre “Dansa de la Mort” or “Dance of Death.” In a procession traveling through the town, 5 people dress up in skeletons grab the lime light as they move to the sound of drum beats. Each skeleton carries different items with one holding a scythe, a clock without hands, and a banner warning that death could come at any time while two carry a box of ashes. Not the kind of warm sunny Easter most of us would imagine.

Relax, NAACP, these are just Catholic brotherhoods dressed in their robes and hoods for the Holy Week processions in Spain, not a white supremacist Klu Klux Klan meeting. It's considered a great honor to do this. Seriously, Spanish have been doing this for far longer than KKK has been in existence. Costume similarities are purely coincidental.

Relax, NAACP, these are just Catholic brotherhoods dressed in their robes and hoods for the Holy Week processions in Spain, not a white supremacist Klu Klux Klan meeting. There’s a lot of pride taking part in the Spanish Easter festivities that Antonio Banderas joins his brotherhood in his hometown every year. Seriously, Spanish have been doing this for far longer than KKK has been in existence. Costume similarities are purely coincidental.

This isn’t to say that there are a lot of Easter processions in Spain dating to the Middle Ages. This is performed by many Catholic brotherhoods wearing different colored robes to tell each other apart. However, they also don conical hoods to retain their anonymity, even though they tend to scare the bejesus out of any African American tourist and it doesn’t help that some of these take place at night under candlelight. The music tends to vary according to days consisting of mournful music accompanied by dramatic drum beats on Holy Thursday, utter silence on Good Friday, to celebratory music on Easter Sunday. Many tend to walk barefoot as well as wear shackles on their feet with brotherhoods carrying floats of different scenes related to the Passion of the Christ or the Sorrows of the Virgin Mary. And there is great pride for taking part and it’s said that Antonio Banderas travels to his Malaga hometown every year to take part in this with his brotherhood, “Tears and Favors”, becoming the star attraction.

26. Japan

Though western holidays like Halloween, Christmas, and Saint Patrick’s Day have become rather popular in Japan, Easter is relatively obscure since the country doesn’t have a lot of Christians. However, this doesn’t stop companies from organizing Easter themed promotions in the spring and sometimes even the summer. Tokyo Disneyland hosts an annual “Easter Wonderland” which sometimes runs well into June.

27. Latvia

A known tradition in Latvia is an Easter game played by children which is like conkers but with eggs. Players pair off and used hardboiled colored eggs joined together with string. Competitors bang the ends of the eggs together until one player’s egg breaks. The winner is the one with the stronger egg. Sounds a bit messy to say the least.

28. Guatemala

In Guatemala, the village streets are lined with rugs made from saw dust for the Easter procession which creates trail of powdery rainbows in their wake.

In Guatemala, the village streets are lined with rugs made from saw dust for the Easter procession which creates trail of powdery rainbows in their wake.

Each Easter in Guatemala, the people lace the streets of their villages with colorful sawdust carpets. On their way to Mass, the procession of faithful walk over the vibrant carpet leaving a trail of powdery rainbows in their wake.

29. Bulgaria

While Bulgarians decorate their Easter eggs, they’re also known to fight with them by pair. The last surviving one is called a “borak.”

30. Argentina

In Argentina, there's a kitschy theme park called Tierra Santa which is devoted to telling the story of Jesus. On Holy Week, they reenact the Passion within the parks walls. It's said to attract a lot of tourists.

In Argentina, there’s a kitschy theme park called Tierra Santa which is devoted to telling the story of Jesus. On Holy Week, they reenact the Passion within the parks walls. It’s said to attract a lot of tourists.

In Argentina, there is a kitsch theme park dedicated to telling the story of Jesus which unsurprisingly goes into overdrive on Easter. There’s a plastic Jesus that’s resurrected every hour and plastic statues depicting the Passion which is already a must see for the devout with hundreds gathering each hour to watch the statue emerge from a rocky outcrop to survey the crowds. On Easter, actors take up the role to bring the passion to life, carrying the cross through the park and being crucified by Roman soldiers. Sure it’s probably in bad taste but it’s a huge hit in Latin America nevertheless.

In Northern Argentina, there’s an elaborate carnival that begins on Ash Wednesday and lasts all through Lent. In this, mothers and grandmothers gather around a decorated arch and exchange dolls in a ceremony believed to unite women in an eternal bond. On Sunday in an Argentinian version of the Easter Parade, women dress up in colorful ruffled skirts and white hats in masks made with starch and water. Riding on horseback, they singing folksongs on their way to a dance honoring Pukllay, the Spirit of the Carnival. After the ceremony, the burn a large effigy of the Pukllay to signify the end of the celebration a la Burning Man.

31. Jamaica

While Good Friday is a somber time in the Easter season of Holy Week, it pays host to Kingston’s biggest annual street carnival complete with a parade, requisite debaucheries, and even preachers. Also predict the future with egg whites on water.

32. El Salvador

In the town of Texistepeque, there’s a ritual on Easter called “Talciguines” which is supposed to symbolize the fight between Jesus and Satan. Of course, Jesus is always the winner.

33. Wales

On Palm Sunday, the Welsh visit their relatives’ graves to lay flowers as well as stage Welsh singing contests called Gymafa Gan where choirs from various chapels in festivities take part and prominent conductors are invited.

34. United States

For 130 years, the White House has sponsored the Easter egg roll on its South Lawn, which provides a lot of activities for the kids.

For 130 years, the White House has sponsored the Easter egg roll on its South Lawn, which provides a lot of activities for the kids.

For 130 years, the White House has hosted the Easter Egg Roll on its South Lawn. This mainly consists of rolling a colored hardboiled egg with a large serving spoon. But nowadays an egg hunt is included as well along with other sports and crafts.

In Texas, the people of Fredericksburg hold an event called the Easter Fires of Fredericksburg Pageant, where the town gets together to celebrate an 1840 peace treaty with the Comanche and the significance with Easter by reinventing this story. It’s said that the Comanche would light fires in the hills of Fredericksburg to signify that there was no hostility between the settlers and the indigenous people. But as the fires burned the German immigrant children grew worried and to calm them down their parents told them that the fires were the Easter Bunny burning eggs in preparation for the festivities.

New York's Easter parade from 5th Avenue to 57th Street has a lot of fun festivities with people wearing outlandish Easter outfits and donning their wackiest Easter bonnets.

New York’s Easter parade from 5th Avenue to 57th Street has a lot of fun festivities with people wearing outlandish Easter outfits and donning their wackiest Easter bonnets.

In New York City, you have the Easter parade that dates back to the 1870s and one of the city’s most significant seasonal celebrations. It begins at the famous Fifth Avenue and finishes north up 57th street. There you’ll find visitors and New Yorkers alike done their most elaborate Easter bonnets.

In Southern Michigan, on Easter tens of thousands of marshmallows are dumped onto by helicopters and are rewarded candy afterwards. This tradition has spread to other areas.

Fun with Easter Eggs

colorful-easter-eggs-in-field-of-grass-sandra-cunningham

Of course, I couldn’t do some posts on Easter without leaving a key tradition: Easter eggs. Now while many believe that Easter eggs once traditionally celebrated as a symbol of fertility and rebirth, in Christianity, they symbolized Jesus’s empty tomb, which in its own twisted way is quite appropriate. However, many don’t know that dying and painting eggs is among one of the older Easter traditions. Most of the time they’re usually chicken eggs, mostly hard boiled. Yet, we also have eggs of plastic and chocolate as well. Of course, while many eggs may just have one color on them, others can be in rather elaborate designs. Then there are some that go on a whole different level such as depicting pop culture icons and such. In this post, you’ll see the many ways people decorate Easter eggs you might not be familiar with. So without further adieu, I shall present these to you.

1. Happy Easter from the wonderful world of Disney.

Of course, these are much better drawings than I could've ever done. Then again, I don't remember the rabbits on top. Guess this person ran out of ideas.

Of course, these are much better drawings than I could’ve ever done. Then again, I don’t remember the rabbits on top. Guess this person ran out of ideas.

2. “I see a red egg and I want it painted black/No colors any more, I want them to turn black.”

Seems like the Rolling Stones haven't aged a bit. Then again, they were just as ugly as they are now. Still, hate to find an egg that resembles Keith Richards.

Seems like the Rolling Stones haven’t aged a bit. Then again, they were just as ugly as they are now. Still, hate to find an egg that resembles Keith Richards.

3. Since Easter’s a religious holiday, I couldn’t leave out eggs with Christian motifs.

Now the crucifixion one is about the goriest Easter egg I've ever seen so far. Then again, I can't argue about that being appropriate.

Now the crucifixion one is about the goriest Easter egg I’ve ever seen so far. Then again, I can’t argue about that being appropriate.

4. Performing on the Easter stag with “Bennie and the Jets,” may I present to you Sir Elton John.

Now this is a perfect Easter egg of Elton John, costume and all with all those feathers like in his heyday during the 1970s. Of course, that will have to come to an egg.

Now this is a perfect Easter egg of Elton John, costume and all with all those feathers like in his heyday during the 1970s. Of course, that will have to come to an end in the 1980s.

5. And everyone assumed that Paul was scrambled in the advent of the Abbey Road album.

I'll be putting a few Beatles stuff in my post on Easter eggs. This is from the Abbey Road album, which was one of their last collaborations. Still, love it how they're playing in a band on this one.

I’ll be putting a few Beatles stuff in my post on Easter eggs. This is from the Abbey Road album, which was one of their last collaborations. Still, love it how they’re playing in a band on this one.

6. Celebrate your Easter with the magic of Stephen Spielberg with this E. T. egg.

Maybe that's because an Indiana Jones Easter egg design would've had more difficulty. Still, as ugly as E. T. is you can't really think he's any less than adorable.

Maybe that’s because an Indiana Jones Easter egg design would’ve had more difficulty. Still, as ugly as E. T. is you can’t really think he’s any less than adorable.

7. Get ready for one wild bachelor party in Vegas with this Easter egg tribute to The Hangover or the one which launched the careers of Bradley Cooper and Zach Galifianakis.

Oh, God, I'd hate to see what Bradley Cooper is about to do with Mike Tyson's pet tiger, which is most likely illegally possessed since it's an endangered species.

Oh, God, I’d hate to see what Bradley Cooper is about to do with Mike Tyson’s pet tiger, which is most likely illegally possessed since it’s an endangered species.

8. For those who like Peter Sellers and Henry Mancini music, here’s an Easter egg diorama from The Pink Panther movies.

Would've liked to seen an Easter egg rendering of Chief Inspector Dreyfus who later goes nuts. Still, I can only consider Peter Sellers as the one and only Inspector Clouseau and no one else.

Would’ve liked to seen an Easter egg rendering of Chief Inspector Dreyfus who later goes nuts. Still, I can only consider Peter Sellers as the one and only Inspector Clouseau and no one else.

9. For those in love with Japanese cuteness, here are some nice Easter eggs of Hello Kitty.

Sure they may not have ears but they may not have looked great with them anyway. Still, quite cute.

Sure they may not have ears but they may not have looked great with them anyway. Still, quite cute.

10. This Easter egg tribute of Barack Obama would certainly be commendable to any Egghead Commander and Chief.

Now that's a great scene of the Oval Office. Also like how he has those two pens and the globe on his desk.

Now that’s a great scene of the Oval Office. Also like how he has those two pens and the globe on his desk.

11. May these Batman Easter eggs make your Easter a rather dark night in Gotham, indeed.

Of course, presented here are Batman, Catwoman, Mr. Freeze, the Joker, Harley Quinn, Two-Face, the Penguin, the Riddler, and Clayface. Wonder why they don't have Robin, Batgirl, Bane, Dr. Strange, Poison Ivy, the Scarecrow, and Alfred.

Of course, presented here are Batman, Catwoman, Mr. Freeze, the Joker, Harley Quinn, Two-Face, the Penguin, the Riddler, and Clayface. Wonder why they don’t have Robin, Batgirl, Bane, Dr. Strange, Poison Ivy, the Scarecrow, and Alfred.

12. For those who are fans of the National Audobon Society’s guide to North American Birds, then today’s your lucky day.

Almost look as if they do in the guidebook with their respective silhouettes. Of course, Audobon often killed birds so he could save them and paint them in his book better. And boy, his bird paintings are awesome.

Almost look as if they do in the guidebook with their respective silhouettes. Of course, Audobon often killed birds so he could save them and paint them in his book better. And boy, his bird paintings are awesome.

13. “But I would not feel so all alone/Everybody must get poached.”

Yes, this is an Easter egg rendition of legendary American singer-songwriter Bob Dylan. Well, he wrote some of the best music ever which has influenced millions. But his singing is much to be desired.

Yes, this is an Easter egg rendition of legendary American singer-songwriter Bob Dylan. Well, he wrote some of the best music ever which has influenced millions. But his singing is much to be desired.

14. Ladies and gentlemen, Elvis has left the building.

Interestingly, Elvis Presley looked a lot like this during his Las Vegas years. Of course, this is what happens when you've been on too many drugs and peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

Interestingly, Elvis Presley looked a lot like this during his Las Vegas years. Of course, this is what happens when you’ve been on too many drugs and peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

15. For you silent film buffs out there, this Easter egg Charlie Chaplin is particularly charming.

Of course, Chaplin was one of the most significant filmmakers in movie history who entertained countless audiences as the Tramp during the 1920s and early 1930s. Yet, he'd be kicked out of the country in the 1950s for his left wing political views.

Of course, Chaplin was one of the most significant filmmakers in movie history who entertained countless audiences as the Tramp during the 1920s and early 1930s. Yet, he’d be kicked out of the country in the 1950s for his left wing political views.

16. For those who have boys, these superhero Easter eggs should be a real treat for a holiday with pastel colors.

Comprised here are Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, the Green Lantern, the Flash, Spiderman, Iron Man, the Incredible Hulk, and Captain America. Still, I wonder why Thor, Black Widow, and Nick Fury aren't included.

Comprised here are Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, the Green Lantern, the Flash, Spiderman, Iron Man, the Incredible Hulk, and Captain America. Still, I wonder why Thor, Black Widow, and Nick Fury aren’t included.

17. For those into foul humor and toilet jokes, you can’t go wrong with these South Park Easter eggs here.

Now I'm sure the Kenny one is going to have horrible things done to it after the picture since he practically dies in a lot of episodes.

Now I’m sure the Kenny one is going to have horrible things done to it after the picture since he practically dies in a lot of episodes.

18. “He’s an egg ball wizard/There has to be a twist./An egg ball wizard’s got such a supple wrist.”

Of course, The Who known for their rock opera Tommy about a deaf, dumb, and blind pinball whiz. Still, I'm not sure what I'd say if any elementary age school kids ask about what happened to Keith Moon.

Of course, The Who known for their rock opera Tommy about a deaf, dumb, and blind pinball whiz. Still, I’m not sure what I’d say if any elementary age school kids ask about what happened to Keith Moon.

19. For those who like kicking ass reptiles from the sewers, you’d love these Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Easter eggs.

Of course, I wonder if anyone could remember that the turtles were named after Renaissance artists like Leonardo Da Vinci, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Raphael. Of course, in real life Leonardo was the inventor and technological genius of the 4. Oh, and that Leonardo and Michelangelo were both gay.

Of course, I wonder if anyone could remember that the turtles were named after Renaissance artists like Leonardo Da Vinci, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Raphael. Of course, in real life Leonardo was the inventor and technological genius of the 4. Oh, and that Leonardo and Michelangelo were both gay.

20. From “That’ll Be the Day” to the Day the Music Died, Buddy Holly and the Crickets were one of the best known 1950s rock n’ roll acts.

Man, it's hard not to imagine what Buddy Holly's career would've amounted to if he didn't get on that plane with J. P. Richardson and Ritchie Valens that fateful day.

Man, it’s hard not to imagine what Buddy Holly’s career would’ve amounted to if he didn’t get on that plane with J. P. Richardson and Ritchie Valens that fateful day.

21. Since they’re so iconic with the black and white make up, rock and roll all night with these KISS Easter eggs and party every day.

I'm not really a KISS fan but I did put a KISS nutcracker ensemble for my nutcracker post back in 2013. This is a great Easter equivalent.

I’m not really a KISS fan but I did put a KISS nutcracker ensemble for my nutcracker post back in 2013. This is a great Easter equivalent.

22. Not sure what to do with those Easter eggs, how about egg totem poles?

Now these may not look like real totem poles. But they're quite intricate and I like them.

Now these may not look like real totem poles. But they’re quite intricate and I like them.

23. Tissue and construction paper make great flowers as well as Easter egg decorations.

Now these are quite pretty and so intricate that I suspect someone is either getting paid for it or has way too much time on their hands.

Now these are quite pretty and so intricate that I suspect someone is either getting paid for it or has way too much time on their hands.

24. “I am the eggman, they are the eggmen/I am the walrus, goo goo goo joob”

So what if "I Am the Walrus" came out in the late 1960s and these are the Fab Four from 1964? I had to use those lines sometime.

So what if “I Am the Walrus” came out in the late 1960s and these are the Fab Four from 1964? I had to use those lines sometime.

25. Bring the magic of Oz to life with this Easter egg diorama of The Wizard of Oz.

Seems more likely to traumatize your friends than the real thing. Still not as good as Gone with the Wind even if the movie denigrated African Americans as happy slaves.

Seems more likely to traumatize your friends than the real thing. Still not as good as Gone with the Wind even if the movie denigrated African Americans as happy slaves.

26. “It was twenty years ago today/Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play/They’ve been going in and out of style/But they’re guaranteed to raise a smile”

"So may I introduce to you/The act you've known for all these years/Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" Wait until they get to Billy Shears.

“So may I introduce to you/The act you’ve known for all these years/Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” Wait until they get to Billy Shears.

27. Leafs always make great decoration for Easter eggs if you want to go with a nature theme.

Yes, they're pretty. But I wonder if they were still around after most of the leaves were already swept up during the fall.

Yes, they’re pretty. But I wonder if they were still around after most of the leaves were already swept up during the fall.

28. For those who love Lego, you might love having these Lego heads on your Easter eggs.

Now these are just adorable. But only one of them is explicitly female. Yet, we can change that if we add hair.

Now these are just adorable. But only one of them is explicitly female. Yet, we can change that if we add hair to some of the others.

29. When it comes to flower decorations, you can’t go wrong with flowers.

Of course, these buttons may be of the same shape but the smaller ones not always of the same size and color.

Of course, these buttons may be of the same shape but the smaller ones not always of the same size and color.

30. For you Despicable Me fans, these minon Easter eggs are as easy as pie.

When it comes to Despicable Me, almost everyone remembers the minions and how cute they are. Still, I see a lot of them in a lot of artistic renditions because they're an east craft subject.

When it comes to Despicable Me, almost everyone remembers the minions and how cute they are. Still, I see a lot of them in a lot of artistic renditions because they’re an east craft subject.

31. Go underwater with these deep sea diving Easter eggs.

Well, I don't mean literally of course. But I daresay these look quite adorable in scuba gear and flippers.

Well, I don’t mean literally of course. But I daresay these look quite adorable in scuba gear and flippers.

32. Defend the Imperial Empire with these Imperial Stormtrooper Easter eggs.

Cheer up, Rebels. Sure they may seem intimidating and kill Luke's aunt and uncle. Yet, Imperial Stormtroopers are known for being notorious bad shots since they're never seen hitting anything.

Cheer up, Rebels. Sure they may seem intimidating and kill Luke’s aunt and uncle. Yet, Imperial Stormtroopers are known for being notorious bad shots since they’re never seen hitting anything.

33. For those who loved WALL-E, you might love these EVE Easter eggs.

Well, the EVE we know from WALL-E is the one with the eyes and the plant sign on it. But still, quite cute.

Well, the EVE we know from WALL-E is the one with the eyes and the plant sign on it. But still, quite cute.

34. For those repressed art students out there, you can always paint your Easter eggs by hand if you want to.

Now these are quite intricate and pretty. They also match the dish they're on. Sure hate to see a small child break these.

Now these are quite intricate and pretty. They also match the dish they’re on. Sure hate to see a small child break these.

35. When it comes to decorating Easter eggs, feel free to accessorize.

Now this person seems to spend more time decorating the eggs' outfits than the actual eggs themselves.

Now this person seems to spend more time decorating the eggs’ outfits than the actual eggs themselves.

36. Relive the Tim Burton magic with this Easter egg tribute to Alice in Wonderland.

Like The Wizard of Oz one, this also seems much creepier and likely to traumatize kids than the real thing. This is especially true with the Mad Hatter, the White Rabbit, as well as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum.

Like The Wizard of Oz one, this also seems much creepier and likely to traumatize kids than the real thing. This is especially true with the Mad Hatter, the White Rabbit, as well as Tweedledee and Tweedledum.

37. Seems like one of their friends was taken from the egg carton and into the frying pan.

And it seems like they know one of them's next in the skillet of horrors. And some of them are seen screaming.

And it seems like they know one of them’s next in the skillet of horrors. Some of them are seen screaming.

38. Jam with the Jamaican reggae beat with Bob Marley.

Rarely do we have the traditions of pot and Easter merged in the same creation as an Easter egg version of Bob Marley.

Rarely do we have the traditions of pot and Easter merged in the same creation as an Easter egg version of Bob Marley.

39. For all you Scarface fans out there, say hello to my little friend!

Now no parent would certainly want their kid to find an Easter egg with Al Pacino's face on it since most of his movies are rated R. Not to mention, they tend to be rather violent with sex, swearing, and substance abuse.

Now no parent would certainly want their kid to find an Easter egg with Al Pacino’s face on it since most of his movies are rated R. Not to mention, they tend to be rather violent with sex, swearing, and substance abuse.

40. Hey, look, I found Waldo!

Then again, it's pretty easy to find Waldo when he's a decorated Easter egg and the others are quite plain so to speak.

Then again, it’s pretty easy to find Waldo when he’s a decorated Easter egg and the others are quite plain so to speak.

41. For fans of the HBO series Game of Thrones, these Easter eggs are for you.

Of course, like everything by George R. R. Martin, they may only be as fun until they suffer a really horrible death like some peoples favorite Game of Thrones characters.

Of course, like everything by George R. R. Martin, they may only be as fun until they suffer a really horrible death like some peoples favorite Game of Thrones characters.

42. For those who grew up with Nintendo, you’d sure love these Super Mario Brothers Easter eggs.

Of course, we all know what these mushrooms do in the game. But watch out for the bullets.

Of course, we all know what these mushrooms do in the game. But watch out for the bullets.

43. Enjoy the magic of Hogwarts this Easter with these Harry Potter Easter eggs.

Now these include, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Snape, Voldemort, Dumbledore, Nagini, and the Golden Snitch. Of course, I'd also like to see ones of Luna, Hagrid, Neville, and Hedwig but you take what you can get I guess.

Now these include, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Snape, Voldemort, Dumbledore, Nagini, and the Golden Snitch. Of course, I’d also like to see ones of Luna, Hagrid, Neville, Malfoy, Sirius, Lupin, and Hedwig but you take what you can get I guess.

44. These Easter egg bees are as sweet as honey.

Now these may be simple in some respects. But they're nevertheless adorable to say the least.

Now these may be simple in some respects. But they’re nevertheless adorable to say the least.

45. For those who love video games, I’m sure you can’t go wrong with Angry Birds.

Of course, the green pig is going to get it sooner or later since it's surrounded by birds that really seem pissed off beyond all means.

Of course, the green pig is going to get it sooner or later since it’s surrounded by birds that really seem pissed off beyond all means.

46. Sometimes felt can be handy when it comes to Easter egg decorations.

Sure love spring flowers and I think these beautiful eggs have great designs on them. Once again, someone must have too much time on their hands.

Sure love spring flowers and I think these beautiful eggs have great designs on them. Once again, someone must have too much time on their hands.

47. Splash into the world of Amity Island in the summer with Jaws. But swim carefully.

Seems like this pipe cleaner lady doesn't have long to live. Seriously, she shouldn't be so stupid enough to swim in shark infested waters.

Seems like this pipe cleaner lady doesn’t have long to live. Seriously, she shouldn’t be so stupid enough to swim in shark infested waters.

48. Celebrate this Easter with, “Purple Haze” with this Easter egg Jimi Hendrix.

Of course, he may be one of the greatest guitarists of all time and played the "Star Spangled Banner" at Woodstock. Unfortunately, he died young.

Of course, he may be one of the greatest guitarists of all time and played the “Star Spangled Banner” at Woodstock. Unfortunately, he died young.

49. Now these lady bug Easter eggs will go well in anybody’s basket.

Now these are so adorable and quite concurrent with spring. Of course, some lady bugs are male, by the way.

Now these are so adorable and quite concurrent with spring. Of course, some lady bugs are male, by the way.

50. Enjoy a good scare this Easter with these eggs depicting characters from The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Sure The Nightmare Before Christmas may have absolutely nothing to do with Easter but that doesn't mean you can't make eggs from that film. Does it?

Sure The Nightmare Before Christmas may have absolutely nothing to do with Easter but that doesn’t mean you can’t make eggs from that film. Does it?

51. Now I daresay, this London Easter egg always knows how to retain a stiff upper lip.

Of course, it's one of those royal guards you see at Buckingham Palace. So don't try to make it crack beyond all means. Seriously, you don't want to do that.

Of course, it’s one of those royal guards you see at Buckingham Palace. So don’t try to make it crack beyond all means. Seriously, you don’t want to do that.

52. Sometimes it helps when you decorate your Easter eggs with string.

However, once Easter is over, these can be a pain in the ass to peel off. But they are quite colorful to get my drift.

However, once Easter is over, these can be a pain in the ass to peel off. But they are quite colorful to get my drift.

53. Join Snoopy and the gang with this Easter egg tribute to Peanuts.

Seems weird that the cast seems like a bunch of coneheads as far as Easter egg tributes go. I mean their heads seemed quite round in the comics.

Seems weird that the cast seems like a bunch of coneheads as far as Easter egg tributes go. I mean their heads seemed quite round in the comics.

54. So, yes, you can do embroidery on your Easter eggs as these specimens show.

Of course, after Easter, these eggs would soon be a pain in the ass to peel off. I'll say. Still, for the moment they're quite pretty.

Of course, after Easter, these eggs would soon be a pain in the ass to peel off. I’ll say. Still, for the moment they’re quite pretty.

55. For you Trekkies out there, these Star Trek themed Easter eggs are for you.

Of course, they had a set of Easter eggs for the characters but the Red shirt ones all got broken. So the person decided to use logos and symbols instead.

Of course, they had a set of Easter eggs for the characters but the Red shirt ones all got broken. So the person decided to use logos and symbols instead.

56. Seems like someone lost their yolk.

And everybody is in a state of panic over it. Guess that somebody cracked it over the edge.

And everybody is in a state of panic over it. Guess that somebody cracked it over the edge.

57. For you Pixar lovers out there, here are Easter eggs of the aliens from Toy Story.

Of course, we all know these aliens worship a massive claw in the vending machine they live in. I mean we've all seen the movies.

Of course, we all know these aliens worship a massive claw in the vending machine they live in. I mean we’ve all seen the movies.

58. “She’s got eggs, she knows how to use them.”

Yes, that's ZZ Top all right, which hail all the way from Texas. Of course, this person did a great job depicting the frontmen's beards.

Yes, that’s ZZ Top all right, which hail all the way from Texas. Of course, this person did a great job depicting the frontmen’s beards.

59. Catch em’ all this Easter season with these Pokemon egg designs.

Now these are quite adorable and intricate designs. Still, the scientifically accurate version on Laughing Squid has some disturbing implications.

Now these are quite adorable and intricate designs. Still, the scientifically accurate version on Laughing Squid has some disturbing implications.

60. When it comes to decorating Easter eggs, you can apply just about anything.

Now these are way beyond any artistic endeavor I could undergo with art supplies. These are just so beautiful to say the least.

Now these are way beyond any artistic endeavor I could undergo with art supplies. These are just so beautiful to say the least.

Fun with Easter Bonnets

easter-bonnet I may not take part in this on Easter since I live in the country, but for a long time in cities, it was a tradition for people to got to church on Easter Sunday before attending the annual Easter parade. And it was there where women donned their Easter bonnets which are technically hats. Of course, these can come in all shapes and sizes at times such as the simple straw with flowers and ribbons to basically the Easter equivalent of the Christmas sweater. And some of these bonnets can be as outrageous that you’d think they’re designed by Lady Gaga as well as not exclusively worn by women. Thus, you won’t see just ladies looking ridiculous and in some hats that may not have much to do with Easter or spring anyway. So without further adieu, here are some of the crazy, wild, Easter bonnets you may ever see.

1. Wake up this Easter with sunny side up for breakfast.

These two must be real egg heads going out in those hats.

These two must be real egg heads going out in those hats. I wonder if they have one wearing a bacon hat.

2. This woman is bound to poke somebody’s eye out if she’s not careful.

Yeah, I can totally understand why the guy is wearing sunglasses for protection against the pointy sticks.

Yeah, I can totally understand why the guy is wearing sunglasses for protection against the pointy sticks.

3. Another great motif for Easter bonnets are bird’s nests.

Now I wonder if any real birds try to lay eggs in it. Either that or make out with the bird depicted building it which is fake.

Now I wonder if any real birds try to lay eggs in it. Either that or make out with the bird depicted building it which is fake.

4. Forget Easter bonnets, check out this Easter headdress.

Someone must've had too much time on their hands to make this one. Either that, or she's Lady Gaga's costume designer judging by that flamboyant hat.

Someone must’ve had too much time on their hands to make this one. Either that, or she’s Lady Gaga’s costume designer judging by that flamboyant hat.

5. I dub this hat style, “laundry basket.”

 And it seems that these people might be in need of a major neck massage after they're done having these large flower laundry baskets on their heads all day.


And it seems that these people might be in need of a major neck massage after they’re done having these large flower laundry baskets on their heads all day.

6. For the Pixar fan, this hat depicting the house from Up might catch your fancy.

Basically an Easter bonnet made with a small doll house and some balloons. Still, I'm not sure if this has anything to do with Easter but I like it.

Basically an Easter bonnet made with a small doll house and some balloons. Still, I’m not sure if this has anything to do with Easter but I like it.

7. Now this seems like this gives “put a flower in your hair” a whole new meaning.

Man, I wonder how she managed to put that hat on without putting her hair in a bun first. However, I have doubts on whether it'll survive intact when she takes it off.

Man, I wonder how she managed to put that hat on without putting her hair in a bun first. However, I have doubts on whether it’ll survive intact when she takes it off.

8. I give you the hat of a 100 eyes.

In some way this hat is just as whimsical as much as it is creepy. Seriously, the basket is covered with eyes.

In some way this hat is just as whimsical as much as it is creepy. Seriously, the basket is covered with eyes.

9. Now I say this woman’s Easter hat is houseplant couture.

You can say that her large hat almost matches the scenery. Of course, she sometimes has to occasionally water it .

You can say that her large hat almost matches the scenery. Of course, she sometimes has to occasionally water it .

10. Of course, sometimes Easter is the time of year when men get in touch with their feminine side.

And when it comes to metrosexuality, this guy is totally fabulous with his coiffure in flowers, chicks, eggs, butterflies, and wire fencing.

And when it comes to metrosexuality, this guy is totally fabulous with his coiffure in flowers, chicks, eggs, butterflies, and wire fencing.

11. Now in accordance with spring, you can’t go wrong with a flower pot on your head.

I think the flowers are supposed to go on top of the pot, which has bunnies and grass. Seriously, it's the kind of hat I'd see in a Dr. Seuss story.

I think the flowers are supposed to go on top of the pot, which has bunnies and grass. Seriously, it’s the kind of hat I’d see in a Dr. Seuss story.

12. Another great motif on Easter bonnets are beehives, like this one.

Hey, at least it's not a real one because that would be bad. Still, the mutant bees are on the edges while the hive bees are much smaller.

Hey, at least it’s not a real one because that would be bad. Still, the mutant bees are on the edges while the hive bees are much smaller.

13. For boys, a partial colored egg with paper machete makes a great Easter bonnet.

This boy is trying to smile for the camera but deep down he feels so self-conscious about the possibility of his fellow classmates beating him up in school.

This boy is trying to smile for the camera but deep down he feels so self-conscious about the possibility of his fellow classmates beating him up in school.

14. Nothing makes a great Easter bonnet for a parade than one of a giant chicken or something.

What the hell is that bird? I know it can't be a phoenix because it doesn't have flames coming out of it. Seriously, that looks like some sort of cross between a swan and a chicken.

What the hell is that bird? I know it can’t be a phoenix because it doesn’t have flames coming out of it. Seriously, that looks like some sort of cross between a swan and a chicken.

15. Now I call this one, “Tigger at Gitmo.”

I wonder what the animals in the Hundred Acre Wood will think when they discover that their bouncy friend is being held as an enemy combatant. Seriously, since what does this trama inducing look have to do with Easter?

I wonder what the animals in the Hundred Acre Wood will think when they discover that their bouncy friend is being held as an enemy combatant. Seriously, since what does this trama inducing look have to do with Easter?

16. For Easter, it’s always manly to wear a hat of pink bunny ears.

Even funnier is that this guy is the King of Sweden. Yes, may I proclaim that the King of Sweden is wearing a pink bunny hat for Easter.

Even funnier is that this guy is the King of Sweden. Yes, may I proclaim that the King of Sweden is wearing a pink bunny hat for Easter.

17. Carrot Top, allow me to introduce you to Bo Carrot.

Well, at least she doesn't have to worry about shopping for a snack. Still, this is pretty crazy if you think about it.

Well, at least she doesn’t have to worry about shopping for a snack. Still, this is pretty crazy if you think about it.

18. Then again, for a boy’s Easter bonnet, I suppose Angry Birds is much more appropriate.

Even better is that these Angry Birds are made from Easter eggs as far as I can tell. Seriously, this is a better than colored eggs. At least for boys.

Even better is that these Angry Birds are made from Easter eggs as far as I can tell. Seriously, this is a better than colored eggs. At least for boys.

19. Forget the Easter bonnet, how about a bunny cap?

Now this seems rather easy to make such as cardboard, cotton, and a cap. Not to mention, Little Jimmy is less likely to be beat up in school over it.

Now this seems rather easy to make such as cardboard, cotton, and a cap. Not to mention, Little Jimmy is less likely to be beat up in school over it.

20. Nothing brings in the spirit of spring than an Easter bonnet of a watering can.

Now that watering can display is pretty. But I wonder if this girl is going to need a neck massage after the Easter parade though.

Now that watering can display is pretty. But I wonder if this girl is going to need a neck massage after the Easter parade though.

21. Now this one captures the essence of spring: butterflies, flowers, and a scorpion?

I'm not sure whether a scorpion belongs in a holiday that includes cute bunnies, chicks, flowers, colored eggs. But, hey, what do I know?

I’m not sure whether a scorpion belongs in a holiday that includes cute bunnies, chicks, flowers, colored eggs. But, hey, what do I know?

22. With Easter bonnets, the bigger the flowers the better.

Yet, I'm not sure if this gigantic rose is really improving things for now. Seriously, this reminds me of a Kentucky Derby hat for some reason.

Yet, I’m not sure if this gigantic rose is really improving things for now. Seriously, this reminds me of a Kentucky Derby hat for some reason.

23. For Easter, you can’t be the belle of the parade without a bonnet of shiny rainbow eggs.

I'm not sure if the eggs enhance the hat or not. Either way, at least if she wears it at night, it'll certainly be quite reflective.

I’m not sure if the eggs enhance the hat or not. Either way, at least if she wears it at night, it’ll certainly be quite reflective.

24. For egg hunts, paper machete egg bonnets are perfect for the kids.

However, this little girl doesn't seem to think so. In fact, she seems to wonder whether she seems to resemble an alien from outer space in it.

However, this little girl doesn’t seem to think so. In fact, she seems to wonder whether she seems to resemble an alien from outer space in it.

25. When it comes to Easter bonnets, there’s no limit to how high you can go.

She should be lucky that most churches have rather high ceilings in their naves. But seriously, that's a lot of flowers and eggs.

She should be lucky that most churches have rather high ceilings in their naves. But seriously, that’s a lot of flowers and eggs.

26. Of course, there’s no great Easter bonnet than one of a giant Creme egg.

Then again, I'm sure the egg doesn't have any chocolate in it. But this little girl seems happy.

Then again, I’m sure the egg doesn’t have any chocolate in it. But this little girl seems happy.

27. Of course, you can’t celebrate Easter without a garden hat.

Then again, if this didn't have garden stuff on it, I would've mistaken it for some tribal headdress on some island in the Pacific.

Then again, if this didn’t have garden stuff on it, I would’ve mistaken it for some tribal headdress on some island in the Pacific.

28. Nothing says Easter like a bonnet with a couple of assault rifles on it?

Okay, I'm sure defending your right to shoot Bambi and all his wabbit fwiends is perfectly fine. But why do it on Easter on all holidays? Seriously, it's a holiday to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus and new life, not untimely deaths on school campuses and 3rd world countries!

Okay, I’m sure defending your right to shoot Bambi and all his wabbit fwiends is perfectly fine. But why do it on Easter on all holidays? Seriously, it’s a holiday to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus and new life, not untimely deaths on school campuses and 3rd world countries!

29. With blue ribbons and a pink basket, this guy is in his Easter best.

Sure he may look ridiculous but he so doesn't care what the guys at the office think for now. Seriously, his little girl probably designed the hat in the first place.

Sure he may look ridiculous but he so doesn’t care what the guys at the office think for now. Seriously, his little girl probably designed the hat in the first place.

30. Of course, it doesn’t always have to be the woman who wears the flowers.

Seems like he's enjoying himself in his white, orange, and purple Easter lilies. Too bad real lilies don't bloom until later in the spring or summer.

Seems like he’s enjoying himself in his white, orange, and purple Easter lilies. Too bad real lilies don’t bloom until later in the spring or summer.

31. Of course, this girl will be the envy of the egg hunt with her hatching egg hat.

Of course, alongside the chick, there are smaller eggs in the egg as well. Which makes me beg the question.

Of course, alongside the chick, there are smaller eggs in the egg as well. Which makes me beg the question.

32. Now this girl is lucky since she’s wearing the bonnet with the golden egg.

Now she may want to watch out for any fairy tale creatures who would do what it takes to obtain it. And then there will be a Maltese Falcon situation on their hands.

Now she may want to watch out for any fairy tale creatures who would do what it takes to obtain it. And then there will be a Maltese Falcon situation on their hands.

33. You can say this Easter bonnet can make anyone as pretty as a peacock.

Now that's a lot of feathers under the brim. Wonder if she's wearing a sombrero, which can explain a lot.

Now that’s a lot of feathers under the brim. Wonder if she’s wearing a sombrero, which can explain a lot.

34. Make sure your Easter bonnet is all chicked out.

Now this woman seems to have it all yellowed out with daffodils and chickies. But I'm not sure if having a large chick on top is utterly cute or ridiculous.

Now this woman seems to have it all yellowed out with daffodils and chickies. But I’m not sure if having a large chick on top is utterly cute or ridiculous.

35. Since chicks like to frolic, you always need a fence to contain them.

Yeah, but their space is limited since they're blocked by a giant sky and cloud thing in the center. Of course, this boy is wondering, "Why do I have to wear this?"

Yeah, but their space is limited since they’re blocked by a giant sky and cloud thing in the center. Of course, this boy is wondering, “Why do I have to wear this?”

36. While it’s mainly associated with Thanksgiving, I’m sure a cornucopia would make a fine Easter bonnet with some spring trimmings.

Now I'm sure this may be just as good for Thanksgiving since it seems more appropriate for fall than spring. But who am I to judge?

Now I’m sure this may be just as good for Thanksgiving since it seems more appropriate for fall than spring. But who am I to judge?

37. With Easter bonnets, it’s time to spring into action.

I don't know about you, but I think all these springly decorations can be a bit excessive. The fake cemetery flower business must be booming this time a year.

I don’t know about you, but I think all these springly decorations can be a bit excessive. The fake cemetery flower business must be booming this time a year.

38. For some Easter bonnets are a way to celebrate Easter. For others, a way to show off their Pez dispenser collection.

While Pez candies can be quite disgusting, we all better remember the containers for some reason. Also like the dangling toy rabbits around this guy's hat.

While Pez candies can be quite disgusting, we all better remember the containers for some reason. Also like the dangling toy rabbits around this guy’s hat.

39. Sometimes when an Easter bonnet isn’t enough, a stuffed duck has to have one, too.

And this duck even has some accessories like French fries, nail polish, and a couple of other things. But this girl seems happy.

And this duck even has some accessories like French fries, nail polish, and a couple of other things along with an enormous flower bonnet. But this girl seems happy.

40. Now you can’t have an Easter parade without some Easter basket bonnets on the streets, too.

Now this woman seems like a real basket case according to wearing a hat like that she doesn't seem too thrilled with.

Now this woman seems like a real basket case according to wearing a hat like that she doesn’t seem too thrilled with.

41. Be on the sunny side of Easter with this sunflower hat.

Man, that's a huge sunflower. And with so many petals, too. Still, I'm sure sunflowers aren't in season this time of year since they come later in the summer.

Man, that’s a huge sunflower. And with so many petals, too. Still, I’m sure sunflowers aren’t in season this time of year since they come later in the summer.

42. Seems like soccer is a big game between the chicks and bunnies this Easter.

Seems like they have bunnies and chicks the same size as well as a small human referee. So how does that happen?

Seems like they have bunnies and chicks the same size as well as a small human referee. So how does that happen?

43. Now it seems like these chicks are hatching in the egg cartons for some reason.

Now this is pretty crazy. I'm sure those chicks are mounted somehow. Also, I'm sure that eggs are only available at a dozen in stores.

Now this is pretty crazy. I’m sure those chicks are mounted somehow. Also, I’m sure that eggs are only available at a dozen in stores.

44. Man, now that’s calling putting all your eggs in one basket, or hat for that matter.

Hope that none of those plastic eggs have candy in them or you know what the kiddies will do to that. Still, how does her head withstand so much stuff?

Hope that none of those plastic eggs have candy in them or you know what the kiddies will do to that. Still, how does her head withstand so much stuff?

45. For the white and fluffy crowd, you might want your Easter Bonnet cloud to contain plastic grocery bags and white feathers.

Then again, those could be faulty airbags from some car company. Still, she seems like the perfect woman for the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Then again, those could be faulty airbags from some car company. Still, she seems like the perfect woman for the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

46. Seems like the chicks on this girl’s Easter bonnet are already hatching.

Oh, shit. She's an Easter bonnet contest winner during the High Clere Castle Easter egg hunt? Seriously, why wasn't there an Easter egg hunt episode of Downton Abbey then?

Oh, shit. She’s an Easter bonnet contest winner during the High Clere Castle Easter egg hunt? Seriously, why wasn’t there an Easter egg hunt episode of Downton Abbey then?

47. Want a bee in your Easter bonnet?

Now this bee may seem quite cute since it's plush. However, you wouldn't want to be stung by it mainly due to its size.

Now this bee may seem quite cute since it’s plush. However, you wouldn’t want to be stung by it mainly due to its size.

48. Now I call these women the “Orange Brigade.”

Now I'm sure these women's towering hats probably put them as members of some kind of club, family, or cult.

Now I’m sure these women’s towering hats probably put them as members of some kind of club, family, or cult.

49. When it comes to decorating your Easter bonnet, you can’t go wrong with Peeps.

I mean those inedible marshmallow sugar candies have to be used in some way since they're utterly unfit for human consumption. Still, pretty amazing.

I mean those inedible marshmallow sugar candies have to be used in some way since they’re utterly unfit for human consumption. Still, pretty amazing.

50. Now this girl’s hat is in the blue flower spirit of spring.

Let's hope no graves were robbed of their flower arrangements during the making of this humongous flower hat. Seriously, these posies are fake, which I've seen all the time at the cemetery near where I live.

Let’s hope no graves were robbed of their flower arrangements during the making of this humongous flower hat. Seriously, these posies are fake, which I’ve seen all the time at the cemetery near where I live.

51. Bunny out of your hat or on top of it?

Of course, Ann Miller can have this kind of hat who was kind of the Lady Gaga of her day as far as fashions go. Then again, this style makes any of Lady Gaga's Easter bonnets seem tame by comparison.

Of course, Ann Miller can have this kind of hat who was kind of the Lady Gaga of her day as far as fashions go. Then again, this style makes any of Lady Gaga’s Easter bonnets seem tame by comparison.

52. This hat gives, “Tiptoe Through the Tulips” a whole new meaning.

Yeah, I'm sure Tiny Tim didn't mean that when he sang "Tiptoe Through the Tulips," in that falsetto voice. Seriously, this is crazy.

Yeah, I’m sure Tiny Tim didn’t mean that when he sang “Tiptoe Through the Tulips,” in that falsetto voice. Seriously, this is crazy.

53. I now bring you, the Carrot Tops.

Now I wonder how they get those carrots to stand up? Hope they're not attracting some rabbits with those giant carrots because that would be bad.

Now I wonder how they get those carrots to stand up? Hope they’re not attracting some rabbits with those giant carrots because that would be bad.

54. Nothing says Easter like a bonnet depicting two rabbits in their outdoor bathroom near the farm.

I don't know about you but I'm kind of freaked out that I can't see this person's head for some reason. Probably the fact that the person is alive.

I don’t know about you but I’m kind of freaked out that I can’t see this person’s head for some reason. Probably the fact that the person is alive.

55. Nothing makes a better Easter bonnet than a bunny in a flower pot.

Now this is interesting. Still, I wonder what kind of neck strain this bonnet may cause after wearing it for a few hours.

Now this is interesting. Still, I wonder what kind of neck strain this bonnet may cause after wearing it for a few hours.

56. And out of this hat grows an Easter egg tree.

The tree from this hat seems like it comes straight out of a Dr. Seuss story. Still, quite original if you ask me.

The tree from this hat seems like it comes straight out of a Dr. Seuss story. Still, quite original if you ask me.

57. A big bouquet for your yellow watering can?

Now I wonder how does she wear this hat without straining her neck with all the weight of those plastic flowers I've seen in a cemetery.

Now I wonder how does she wear this hat without straining her neck with all the weight of those plastic flowers I’ve seen in a cemetery.

58. Nothing like an Easter bonnet consisting of a basket tied to your head.

Now isn't that a bit lopsided in terms of weight distribution? Seriously, it looks ridiculous! Still, at least she has a place to receive tips.

Now isn’t that a bit lopsided in terms of weight distribution? Seriously, it looks ridiculous! Still, at least she has a place to receive tips.

59. Sometimes it’s not just the women who go all out with flowers.

Behold, the Aztec God Xochipilli the Flower Prince in his Easter Sunday best. Why he wears his flower headdress during a Christian holiday, I'll never know.

Behold, the Aztec God Xochipilli the Flower Prince in his Easter Sunday best. Why he wears his flower headdress during a Christian holiday, I’ll never know.

60. Nothing makes an Easter bonnet like one of a giant ant at a picnic.

Now this is perhaps one of the few Easter bonnets on this post that may be truly terrifying. Also what the hell do giant ants have to do with Easter for God's sake?

Now this is perhaps one of the few Easter bonnets on this post that may be truly terrifying. Also what the hell do giant ants have to do with Easter for God’s sake?

61. Of course, you can’t celebrate the Easter season without including candy.

Now this must be a huge undertaking, especially when it comes to including Hershey's and Crunch on this.

Now this must be a huge undertaking, especially when it comes to including Hershey’s and Crunch on this.

62. Now these guys want to look their best for the Easter parade in their prettiest hats.

And all these manly men seem to love how their hats go with their overalls, save perhaps one.

And all these manly men seem to love how their hats go with their overalls, save perhaps one.

63. When it comes to Easter bonnets, you can’t have too many flowers.

Now this is Xochiquetzal the Aztec Goddess of love and flowers. Unfortunately, she's not as nice as her male counterpart and demands a sacrifice every 8 years.

Now this is Xochiquetzal the Aztec Goddess of love and flowers. Unfortunately, she’s not as nice as her male counterpart and demands a sacrifice every 8 years.

64. Don’t look now, but I think I see these weird green hat ladies here.

Now while these hats may reflect an early spring, the color scheme is much to be desired. Seriously, they seem rather dull in color as well as make the wearers look ridiculous for some reason.

Now while these hats may reflect an early spring, the color scheme is much to be desired. Seriously, they seem rather dull in color as well as make the wearers look ridiculous for some reason.

65. Now there’s nothing better than a rabbit proof fence on your straw Easter bonnet.

I've seen better. Seriously, if that rabbit were real, it would totally jump it. Then again, you have the aesthetics to consider.

I’ve seen better. Seriously, if that rabbit were real, it would totally jump it. Then again, you have the aesthetics to consider.

66. A bird in the hand is worth 2 in the Easter bonnet.

I don't know about you but this seems like a creepy old lady's hat than an Easter bonnet. At least to me.

I don’t know about you but this seems like a creepy old lady’s hat than an Easter bonnet. At least to me.

67. When it comes to pussy willow flowers you can never go overboard.

Okay, this is quite extravagant. Flowers are probably fake but they seem to have eggs hanging on them.

Okay, this is quite extravagant. Flowers are probably fake but they seem to have eggs hanging on them.

68. Nothing says Easter than having a crown with a giant chick.

Now that guy better be quite strong since that chick sure looks monstrously heavy for some reason.

Now that guy better be quite strong since that chick sure looks monstrously heavy for some reason.

69. For Easter bonnet decorations, jelly beans do quite well.

Of course, these candies taste really disgusting that you might as well put them to better use.

Of course, these candies taste really disgusting that you might as well put them to better use.

70. Now this lady seems to have left all her Easter eggs hanging.

Now I wonder how she could wear this hat and see. I mean those plastic eggs seem to obscure her eyes.

Now I wonder how she could wear this hat and see. I mean those plastic eggs seem to obscure her eyes.

71. Whether you’re in the Easter parade or Kabuki Theater, this bonnet is for you.

Of course, if you're unfamiliar with Japanese theater, despite the extravagant costumes, we should be aware that all the actors involved are guys, even as the leading ladies.

Of course, if you’re unfamiliar with Japanese theater, despite the extravagant costumes, we should be aware that all the actors involved are guys, even as the leading ladies.

72. Of course, no one can have a hat with rabbit ears as tall as this girl.

Now those are long rabbit ears. Must hear a lot noises from miles away such as a bear shitting in the woods.

Now those are long rabbit ears. Must hear a lot noises from miles away such as a bear shitting in the woods.

73. Seems like this beehive basket needs some flowers.

Now this might have unfortunate implications if those were real flowers and the bees were alive. Imagine the sting marks on this woman.

Now this might have unfortunate implications if those were real flowers and the bees were alive. Imagine the sting marks on this woman.

74. You can’t do better on Easter than have your ducks all in a row.

Of course, I wonder how this guy managed to get smaller and smaller ducks. It's like a rubber ducky nesting doll.

Of course, I wonder how this guy managed to get smaller and smaller ducks. It’s like a rubber ducky nesting doll.

75. Now these flowers on this hat make you wonder if she paid a visit to the Mad Hatter.

Now these flowers seem like they're from out of this world. Oh, yes, I forget they're plastic and probably made for cemeteries.

Now these flowers seem like they’re from out of this world. Oh, yes, I forget they’re plastic and probably made for cemeteries.

76. With flowers and butterflies, you can’t do much better.

If these were real, they'd certainly be overdoing it on the Miracle Gro. Still, you have to hand it to the person who designed this.

If these were real, they’d certainly be overdoing it on the Miracle Gro. Still, you have to hand it to the person who designed this.

77. Nothing makes an Easter bonnet work like one depicting a bunny and a chicken?

I bet you that chicken is probably taxidermy. I mean it almost looks quite real if you ask me.

I bet you that chicken is probably taxidermy. I mean it almost looks quite real if you ask me.

78. When it comes to Easter bonnets, some couples feel the need to match.

And it seems no different for the king and queen of the Tropicana pineapple kingdom they rule together (okay, this is just a joke but please their hats are outrageous).

And it seems no different for the king and queen of the Tropicana pineapple kingdom they rule together (okay, this is just a joke but please their hats are outrageous).

79. Nothing makes a great Easter bonnet than one of a hatching chick from its egg.

I don't know about you but I think this chick's wings are away out of proportion to its body. Just saying.

I don’t know about you but I think this chick’s wings are away out of proportion to its body. Just saying.

80. Easter Bunny Bot would like to wish everyone a very Happy Easter.

Now I don't know about you but it seems the Easter Bunny Bot is either  the Easter Bunny's robotic assistant or from a different planet entirely.

Now I don’t know about you but it seems the Easter Bunny Bot is either the Easter Bunny’s robotic assistant or from a different planet entirely.